Originally posted by silent-sistah: aeryn, i would hate to be the guy that comes up against u....u would just be killing their male ego...daamn....now we might as well ask if there is a single man that likes to be dominated as u specified....do u think if u put that in a lonely hearts add....u would get a single reply :confused: :confused: SS, interesting how you associate control with dominance. I have no interest in dominating anyone actually. I just like being in control. Something to do with being the eldest, I think.

"LayZieGirl is a BIG feminist!" WoW Nuune, however did you figure that out all on your own? :rolleyes: As with every other discussion of this nature, this thread has gone down the toilet.

Ramadan Kariim to all.

She looks lovely.

Sheh + Xoogsade, I was just messing with you guys. I kinda agree with you, good eating manners are always good, but its doesn't bother me too much if people misbehave. Growing up with cousins who used to have 'who can eat the most laxoox in the least amount of time' competitions has kinda made me immune.

^ Ceebay tacaal!

Dangerous, Why should the addition of a 'department of Feministic Issues' (who came up with the title?) to your university concern you? Feminism is a bona fide subject and a huge research area, and those that study the subject have as much right to their own department as you have to your own. I am sure they pay the same taxes that you do too. :rolleyes:

p.s. if someone had told me this 3 years ago - that u can recover from being in love, i would have appreciated it....... *Imitating NGONGE* Heh! SS...methinks you were told that often, but you just didnt want to believe it then.

I tend to be very controlling. I cant relax unless I have some semblance of control over every situation. The fact that it's absolutely impossible to maintain control over everything slows me down, but doesn't stop me. In terms of 'relationships', I have learned to identify and keep away from controlling personalities after a couple of natural disasters. As for age, I'm content with my peers. I don't go too far up or down.

I was working from the premise that the couple were childless (they could have been married any number of years). I guess it's pretty straightforward if they are a new couple...less ties to sever. Let's turn to your scenarios: We’re talking about the original issue though, the one where the sister said she’ll walk out after the first slap even if she had a hundred children by her husband, remember? Well, if we were talking about that one, a one slap and the marriage is over would be a very outrageous claim to make. Surely you realise that! I don't. I think it's a perfectly sensible course of action to take, more-so in this case because she has children to consider. Now, taking away all the feelings of anger that go through your mind as you think of what to do next, what, other than the suspicion that he’s going to offend again gives you the total conviction that he’ll do so? What other than anger (and rightly so) makes you completely adamant that you’ll never go back to him again? I mean, lets look at all the other incentives to keep you with him: you love him, he’s never slapped you before in his life, he’s ashamed, dejected and begging for forgiveness, etc. Don’t tell me that you wouldn’t at least give the situation some serious thought! Of course I would give the situation serious thought. It would be far easier to dismiss it as a 'one off', rather than to take it so seriously that you'ld try to get yourself out of that particular picture. It isnt an easy decision to make, and obviously most women don't often make such a decision or an average of two women wouldn't be killed every week by current and former partners just in the UK. The very same incentives you mention and a tendency to think 'it will never happen again' are what traps women into hellish marriages. There are no guarantees that a man who hits his wife once will offend again, but at the same time there are no guarantees that he won't. In fact, research has shown that domestic violence perpetrators do offend again regularly. Also, shame, dejectedness and begging for forgiveness are part of the arsenal offenders use to keep their victims tied to themselves. In your second scenario, it would seem logical to assume that she would review the situation and see if 'she can’t make a go of it with a few conditions of her own'. She might subsequently have a happy marriage too, or she might not. I would probably think it would be safer for her not to go back at all. Men come and go. She can find another husband. One who wont ever hit her, not even the once. Maybe it isn't always doom and gloom, but there's a danger in such situations for any woman and I am not going to sit here and be flippant about it. Surely there is a middle ground, one where domestic violence is loathed and discouraged while still attempting to reconcile marriages after the first slap? You jest, surely? Last I knew, slapping your spouse was still considered domestic violence. Why would you assume a first slap is less malevolent than a regular one? Slap a stranger and you'll be charged with assault. PLease, tell me why slapping someone you supposedly care for should be taken lightly or ,worse, forgiven? NGONGE, I honestly tried to look at it from your point of view, but there's no way on this earth I can justify, tolerate or accept that 'its ok' to be slapped (just the once, mind) which seems to be what your implying in your posts. There's every reason to end a marriage after the first slap, because if you don't leave after the first one, you surely won't be leaving after the second! Any man who lifts a hand to his partner, doesn't deserve a partner. [EDITED]

^^LoL @ you! Dhib badanidaa adigu? Hadalka naga yaree, you big oaf. The simple issue at the heart of this debate is: Once someone loses control, to the extend where they lash out at you physically, what's to say they won't ever do it again? Marriage is messy and couples argue everday, but what's the likelihood of someone completely losing it one day and not doing it again sometime in the future? Not very high, I should think. The ingredients are always there. Are you going to live in perpetual fear, in case an argument leads to another blow? Or will arguments be avoided from there onwards? The fact of the matter is, not everyone is pre-disposed to lashing out physically when they're stressed, angry, etc...therefore anyone who does so has violent tendencies and a lack of control. I wouldn't think it would be too far-fetched to assume the next time that person loses control, they will react in the same way. Another point to consider is, if your beloved is capable of hitting YOU (an adult), what of your children? Adigoo soo taagan ka ku dhirbaaxa miyuu ka waabanayaa inuu ciyaalkiisana dilo? A simple slap is probably a good indication of what's to come. A pretty good warning too. I personally wouldn't wait around to see what happens in the future or to bring children into such a union. Tell me now if the thought of instantly ending a marriage after one slap is so outrageous. ...... While carrying out research for a paper on domestic violence in Ethnic Minority communities in Uni, I volunteered for a Women's refuge. I manned the organisation's helpline for just one evening before I quit. You guys have no idea how many women could have saved themselves and their children a lifetime of terror and heartache had they had the foresight to leave their husbands after the first blow.

I have always been an elite. I find Mutakalim's sardonic posts delightful!

hey aeryn ...i like how u took the character name as well as the personality...lol...all stoic and non emotional...works 4 ya.... Besbaaso, LoL...just a coincidence, I am afraid. I can only envy Aeryn's cool!

Touchy feely people.

LoL @ Shayma...I suppose she's not as cynical as some of us. Xoogsade + Sheherazade, Waxba niyada ha isu dhisina...you're a couple of freaks. How can you not talk about the food your consuming? If its good, you're duty-bound to compliment the chef! What's wrong with you people? (Altho I agree its better to be quiet if the food is bad...complain and ur desert may come back covered in saliva ). There's a difference between good table manners/eating etiquette and being plain wierd. I must say you two are leaning towards the latter.

NGONGE, I think the way we view physical aggression from someone we trust and probably love, is very different from the way you would view it. In your case, as a male, being hit by your wife probably won't affect you in the same manner it would affect your wife were you to hit her (even if its just a little slap; even if just the once). The simple fact of the matter is, striking someone happens to be the easiest way of intimidating them. Why else would you want to hit them? You want to hurt them and you want to humiliate them for whatever reason. Furthermore, it makes it doubly worse if you're physically stronger than your opponent/victim. Thats outright bullying. If a problem cant be solved through discussion, it wont be solved by hitting - even if u manage to beat them into submission. As far as I am concerned, raising a hand to your wife (or husband) is both a physical and moral transgression, which no spouse should stand for. The fact that it might be a mere slap is irrelevant. What is relevant is the intent behind that little slap --> intimidation and, worse, the wish to cause her harm. So, NGONGE, yes, a 'beating' would be at the very top of my list of 'things that would instantly end a marriage'. As a matter of fact, the slightest hint or show of aggression towards me (whether verbal or physical) would seriously make me review the marriage, if not dissolve it immediately. Violence of any kind is a deal-breaker for me. No compromise. Did I answer your question adequately? Seven: "What is S&M?" ------> Sadism and Masochism Definition Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. Medically it is considered to be a paraphilia. The word is derived from the Marquis de Sade, a prolific french writer of sadistic novels. The counterpart of sadism is masochism, the sexual pleasure or gratification of having pain or suffering inflicted upon the self, often consisting of sexual fantasies or urges for being beaten, humiliated, bound, tortured, or otherwise made to suffer, either as an enhancement to or a substitute for sexual pleasure. The name is derived from the 19th century author Leopold von Sacher-Masoch, known for his novel Venus in Furs that dealt with highly masochistic themes. Source Any clearer now, Miss Seven? LoL @ Discreet...those cuffs look professional.

^^Kix kix kix kix! IL CAPO, where do you find these stories?! Seven, Not everyone is into S&M...

LoL @ Magnoona...your prolly right!

X-: I guess i seem Hitler-ish here, 'cause some ppl get on my nerve and make me miss the era of gassing ppl. You do come across as very rigid! The only time I glimsed a lighter side of you was in the Lakkad v Darman thread! Twas fun too...You ought to let go more often. Zu: I am sexy beast!!! Indeed you are, dear. 'Beast' being the operative word. Seven: Aeryn Sun, I dont know who is rubbing off on who... but I've always pictured Gediid to be a pretty boy too..with a nice set of teeth and a flashing smile...just the type who are as pretty as girls and you find it difficult to take them seriously. Speak for yourself. I dont have any problems taking pretty boys seriously. Gediid: Aeryn Am just an average Farax minus the big forehead Sometimes its kinder to let people believe what they want to believe. SHOOBARO: LooooL! I thought I burned that picture? However did you get ur hands on it?!

Sue, Thats unexpectedly mean, I'm surprised at you! Mombasa, Miskiina! You've got to learn how to handle people, especially your fellow Somalis or they will take untold liberties with you. Next time you see that dude, slap him across the face. If you can't do that for yourself, do it for me please. Dont wait for him to say anything, as soon as he gets within striking distance, give it to him. :mad: True, not all Somali guys are like that, but dont give one the benefit of the doubt till he proves himself to be decent. Shoobaro: Moral of this story is....don't wear anything that would make a brother "close his eyes and bite his lips" when eva he see's you walking in the hallways........it's hard enuff for us as it's IL CAPO: maybe its your fault that this guy acted the way he did because i don't think there is any man out there in his right frame of mind that would grab a girl that he barely knows unless he knows something that we don't know. Feebaro: NOW mombasa..> You are very mean..The man was turned on by your physical apearence and he couldn't help it.lol..Give a brother some chance yo after all it is not his foult that you looked good in his eyes and hee needed to get some feeling of your looks.lol.....Aaaaaaaaaaa...JK.. *Shakes head in disgust* Xayawaan fooqal xayawaan! :rolleyes:

URGGGGG! Luvy-duvy things hit my gag-reflex...pass me the bucket please! Ewwwwww! Ugh! :rolleyes:

^^ Well, Zu can migrate to more greener pastures during the abaar months, noh?

kix kix kix @ Jeeste! I dont think it ever occurred to either of my parents to arrange my marriage. They seem resigned to just wait and see what Godforsaken creature I drag into their midst as a possible hubby. Oddly enough, if they did present me with a potential, it would be so out of character that I would probably think the guy was made of gold and marry him on the spot. Reverse psychology probably....

^ LoL! Now, if you were into nice, young, well-behaved Somali girls, I would be able to help you. But your not. And I dont know any indhayar girls (altho I have heard they can be as nice and pliable as hableheena), so I can only wish you a speedy end to abaarta.

Mombasa, Dont worry darling, I am sure you'll find the sort of guy your looking for. I have to say, tho, that what ur describing sounds like a nightmare scenario to me! Someone like that would make me move to another city in the middle of the night. Just shows how different people are. Zu, LoL...not getting enough luv, eh?