"For Muslim, it's odd to have a girlfriend? Says who? Any daliil (evidence) It's like saying TV is Haram coz you can watch porn movies with it. Girlfriend is not Dambi, but the way you use the term can be Haram or Halal. In Islam if you want to marry someone, u get to know them and see if you have something in common with. You can fondle and make it Haram that way, but you can also Not do anything. So it all depends how you use it. In Islam it's even ok to see the girl's face and hair if she's your choice to marry.

That's not the point. We're seeing this whether it's ethical in culture point of view. It's indeed Xaram as I mentioned. get it ?????

Can u put those in-order may be, Let me start it for u,, religious, ---------, --------, ---------, ------

This topic may sound odd, but I just wanna get an idea if anyone of you men would marry if you end up Dambi (sex) with your Girl friend. To start with me, I wouldnt talk about marriage with someone I had sex with... Any idea?????

It's haram to even hand shake in Islam, Lakin I guess she was asking from somali culture point of view. And to answer your question, it's YES these days. I've seen my freind kissin his girl while I was driving them. And I've seen my self kissin' my gf while I getting off the car, and her friend was there looking at us. U might say this is wrong in religion which of course it is, lakin now a days it's aight I guess.

lol @ the one with the biggest boobs. Somehow that isn't a bad choice. Many would consider, but then it depends what the man values. I think I would go for the one spent the money on her and made her self look good. To the one bought me clothes, I appreciate that, but since I afforded to give her $5000, I already did mine, and for the one invested in the stock market, money doesn't attract me to luv someone.

Well, you should have not falsely assumed as well. I am not here to attack you or anyone else. You sound to mention that I live out of the ordinary. I personally have no problem with the person I deal with, but then again this is general issue. As I understand from your point of view, "You gotta have a firm hand when dealing with female species " This means you strike to defend your self. What makes you NOT think ur girl friend or wify will do strike you to defend? And you figure out the result. My idea is to stand for your self and know your limits, Do not be too nice that you give up your rights, but at the mean time you don't have to be rude hoping that you will balance out the relationship. If anyone is in that situation, it means you get an issue "Cuqdad" that you're lower self steemed. Difaaca kabax iska chill garee and if you think respecting and being nice to the other is hurting you, then adaa qof caaq eh marka wax ku darsaday because the mature religious, and educated person appreciates when you respect. About the prophet SCW, is there any reason not to bring him in here. SOL musqul miyaa? I used to hear not to mention Quran or diin in the bathroom. and tell me what differences are there in old days than today in religion wise. Let's get to the facts. I will appreciate if you could contribute any evidences along with your argument based on HARDCORE MEN. I hope u get me bro,

Scarface, As I said b4, I'm not into situation that I have problem dealing with partner, and I am not married to anyone. May be soon-2-be. When I brought this topic, I had in my mind that there's a person like you is somewhere in this world. Your ideology of being rude and not nice is only applied to those short-minded ones that are concrete thinkers. So basically, you're looking for someone as an object where you have no other relationship, but someone to cook for you, work for you, and you have sex with. As our Prophet's culture is what we use as precedent, he joked with his wives, played with them, spent good time with them, cook for them, and used an appropriate language when talking to them. I know your acting all hardcore just to get recognitoin from others to be THE MAN, but you don't know that you're ruin your own family when satisfying other group of people. I am aware of those women that understand nothing but abuse, however we are the generation to defeat that baseless ignorance culture instead of taking it for granted and live like 300 yrs ago. A man is one that knows his limits and fully respects his self, and wife with dignity and loves her to the fullest. Just ask your self, how would we all feel if one abuses our mothers or sisters, you will go nuts and may even murder someone for that, but you wanna do it. That's just being selfish and ignorant. Girls I encourage you to think the same and treat your husbands as king and YES he will do more. S,C

C-lady, u get the guts to slap a guy? are we talking about hand cuffed one? or is he in the Police Station, or Masaajid. If not, I would encourage you to wear helmet and have someone to witness how things have happened just incase you experience an amnesia upon ur discharge from the Emergency Room. lol

I don't think you should give up all your privacy, but at certain limit is ok to tell. As long as you think the new person has no reason to know ur past history, then you don't need to tell ur ceeb. Religiously, it's not good to spread out ceebta, but I am not saying we should hide some major facts like if you are garoob, or single father with child, iska sheeg intaa lagu qabanin. Worse than that, ilaahey kama dhigo you as a reader, but if you lost ur virginity somehow without getting married b4, iska sii sheego, u may save some money for the wedding and guriga alabtiisa.

^^ if you save or burn the colories you consume^^

Naa, eating doesn't really lead you to fat. It all depends if you save the burn the colories you consume. You can be eating too much, but work out and change all that fat to muscles and abs. But what if you don't eat that much but you sleep whenever u get chance to, and you sit to watch TV all night. I been to my uncle's house the other day and their kid is damn wide, so they wrote in the kitchen "Mohamed out of the kitchen" so he reads that whenver he bumps into the kitchen and he goes back....

You're right Ibtisam, I bet if he would even let you go with your female friends to a party after he's married to you. It's not bad to set limits in the beginning and if one doesn't like your behavior, then that person is not meant to you anyways. Otherwise it will be this somali saying " Mirahaa cunto, maroorkooda yeelo" Whatever u settle down with, can and will be used against you later.

There u go Lazygirl, That's why you will see guys that are naturally maskiin "soft" but tend to be as hardcore as anyone can be and that will eventually result divorce or atleast ever-lasting drama because they will overreact. I think this will answer the question that many somali girls have "Why Somali men aren't romantic?" Because the environment or the Somali type of relationship enforce them to hide their side of sweetness. This is not only limited to men but women also tend to show less than what they have inside. This is just disbelieve among the couples that if one finds out how much he/she loves, the other will use this as an advantage to demand more. I have seen few girls in my school that date Cadaan guys and I am not kidding one told me that she wants someone she can tell she loves him and will love her back to the fullest. This means it will be hard for her find somali guy that will show her the kinda love she's looking for. And yea to let u know, the girl was beautiful as hell. And I know some guys that go for foriegns coz they feel the same.

Well, I just meant that pple take revenge and blow off if they cant handle the situation (Qarax)so don wait to that point. Xalane to answer ur question again.. YES.... because there r some good decent guys out there to be titled "weak, soft, he is the woman she is the man" simply coz they r too nice, doesnt mean being weak.

I am not pointing that out to all the women, coz there are lots who know better, but I'm just addressing it as an issue that my fellow somalis in Western countries deal with. Other factors may contribute an issue or misunderstanding among the new couples, but I favored to point this out coz I thought I had the answer for it.

"Oh you are in Kenya! you are not in a possition to help as the questions I have are pointed towards UK and US chaps." Says who? Sophist doesn't know dem chaps in Kenya memorize books as we just try to understand the theories, knowledge is everywhere. Don't be rude to the kid.

lol, Well, a good resume is required before any agreement takes place. Plus, my idea wasn't based on specific person's experience, it was just an alert to many of us that are nice, but also NOT want to be ruined.

I've seen some good topics, but most were personal experiences switched to general. As we guys wish to involve with nice and sweet gurls that never denies any, girls also dream to meet sweet, respectful, easy going and funny guy like you. And what's wrong with being all that I mentioned? let me tell you We, somali guys fell inlove with our natually beautiful xalimos. An average farah likes to be sweet, and soft to his wife, unfortunately the chance to show that sweetness is rare. The reason is because some sisters take advantage of that and demand more. It sometimes get to the point where the male has to do all, whether it is an opology after the daily morning argument, to babysit when the wify is going to a wedding, to leave the house when girl-friends come, to send half of his check to the wify side in somalia, but not to his SAKARAAT hooyo, and you name it. It feels all good in the beginning when relationship starts and you let go every little mistake coz you think you love her and she will change someday. For God's sake, how will she change while ur giving her the SWAT trainings that ur giving her. And we go,,, I CAN'T BELIEVE MY WIFE SACIDIYO CHANGED, SHE WASN'T LIKE THIS WHEN WE GET MARRIED. Ladies do not demand more if he's soft, you don't want Bedroom Side Bomb. Guys do not do more if u won't keep doing it forever. P.S. I don't mean I'm rude to my partner, but I forgive her mistakes and tell her I'm aware of that. And don get used to it. Never say mistake is not big deal.. Boy it is.

I used to hear Congratulation for marriage, now it's the other way around. Anyhow, I would like you to ask me how I met her b4 you ask me how she left me? lol

I'm not sure how can ya'll find, but try to find an old pic of your dad with his friends and mother with her friends and our dads will look like this (tall, very skinny, afro, tight pants and shirt, big watch.) and our moms, fairly tall, fatter with hips, wearing guntiino, braided hair, and you on her shoulder wearing shorts and dacas. lol... Typical somali family huh. It's funny how a skinny guy with no muscle is into those sexy girls with bags. and it's even much funnier how a fat girl with two story stomach is into those mascular guys with six bags. lets get serious and accept each other for who we are, or else let's both male and female hit the gym and enjoy the results together... lol

M in M-- your question sounds kinda personal. U could simply ask in different way because I believe there are lots of reasons that relationship ends. As you said you had nothing in common with ur ex, another may break up a relationship because he's moving away, or Aabbo gave her another man and soon will be married. So basically, there's no way to solve this, but divorce, or break-up

The best age is, when the girl you been looking upto, calls you Adeer. damn then u need to do something. lol Well, seriously there's no certain age, but as soon as you you're an adult and not in school. But it's also bad to get married for age, sex, revenge, parents pressure and covering up ur ***** kid. Age- you're old Sex- U wish to have sex with that sexy person revenge- U want to show ur ex ur pimp and can get married easily. parents pressure- they wish to see thier grand kids. *****- you got her pregnant and there's no where to go back to.

Hi everyone, I'm a new member, but have been just a reader for a while. she says "i wonder why do somali pple discriminate others" Well, I am also wondering if two somali girls at the mall can represent the 8.5 Million somalis around the world. For all of us commenting to Fartun's question, I think that she wants us to focus more on her skin "light skinned" rather than discrimination and all. Don't u think so?