1 Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2 Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3 Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral 4 Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5 Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference! 6 Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away 7 Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back 8 Going to the Supermarket - It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9 Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In 10 Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In 11 Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink 12 Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! 13 Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! 14 Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill store 15 Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts 16 Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves 17 Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! 18 Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means 19 Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's 20 Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category 21 Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote 22 "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh 23 Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet. 24 Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed 25 "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It! 26 The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty 27 Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them 28 Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime 29 Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It ..............Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "you know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of ****** to forget to eat. -------------------- Mad Sientist

1 Introduction to Common Household Objects I: The Mop 2 Introduction to Common Household Objects II: The Sponge 3 Dressing Up: Beyond the Wedding and the Funeral 4 Refrigerator Forensics: Identifying and Removing the Dead 5 Design Pattern or Splatter Stain on the Linoleum? - You CAN Tell the Difference! 6 Accepting Loss I: If It's Empty, You Can Throw It Away 7 Accepting Loss II: If the Milk Expired Three Weeks Ago, Keeping It In the Refrigerator Won't Bring It Back 8 Going to the Supermarket - It's Not Just for Women Anymore! 9 Recycling Skills I: Boxes that the Electronics Came In 10 Recycling Skills II: Styrofoam that Came in the Boxes that the Electronics Came In 11 Bathroom Etiquette I: How to Remove Beard Clippings from the Sink 12 Bathroom Etiquette II: Let's Wash Those Towels! 13 Bathroom Etiquette III: Five Easy Ways to Tell When You're About to Run Out of Toilet Paper! 14 Giving Back to the Community: How to Donate 15-Year-Old Levis to the Goodwill store 15 Retro, Or Just Hideous?: Re-examining Your '70s Polyester Shirts 16 Knowing the Limitations of Your Kitchenware: No, The Dishes Won't Wash Themselves 17 Romance: More Than a Cable Channel! 18 Strange But True!: She Really May NOT Care What "Fourth Down and Ten" Means 19 Going Out to Dinner: Beyond McDonald's 20 Expand Your Entertainment Options: Renting Movies That Don't Fall Under the "Action/Adventure" Category 21 Yours, Mine, and Ours: Sharing the Remote 22 "I Could Have Played a Better Game Than That!": Why Women Laugh 23 Adventures in Housekeeping I: Let's Clean the Closet. 24 Adventures in Housekeeping II: Let's Clean Under the Bed 25 "I Don't Know": Be the First Man to Say It! 26 The Gas Gauge in Your Car: Sometimes Empty MEANS Empty 27 Directions: It's Okay to Ask for Them 28 Listening: It's Not Just Something You Do During Halftime 29 Accepting Your Limitations: Just Because You Have Power Tools Doesn't Mean You Can Fix It ..............Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "you know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of ****** to forget to eat.

1 You say 'mate' constantly. 2 You think it is perfectly normal to pay over three quid for a pint. 2Anyone not from London is a 'plonker'. 3 Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Plonker'. 4 You have no idea where the North is, and 5 Cornwall is another country. 6 You see All Saints in the Met Bar (again) and find it hard to get excited about it. 7 The countryside makes you nervous. 8 Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker. 9 American tourists no longer annoy you. 10 You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day". 11 You can't remember the last time you got up to 30 mph in your car in the city. 12 You didn't realise that 'Paddington Green' is REAL. Feel Free to add more......

Hmmmm!Well this reminds me of something huh... I had two major reasons for never wanting to get married. The first was that you can't have sex with other people. The second was that marriage is really just a legal method for the patriarchy to possess and subjugate women. You would not believe how long it took me to come up with the second reason. I didn't want to get married because, basically, I don't like thinking any further into the future than what I'm going to eat and how I'm going to get sex. Anything else is a hassle. Also, as an optimist, I like the thought of not knowing how the future will work out, the future of course consisting of what I'll eat and whom I'll have sex with. Once you know those things, all that's left is when you're going to die. And there's a website that calculates that. Still, because I've been living with my girlfriend for some time, everyone was on my case about getting married. But after 3 1/2 years of explaining to my girlfriend that I was too young to get married and getting almost enough mileage out of my damaged understanding of commitment to make my parents' divorce worth it, I started to feel that being married would be nice, a relief from contemplating what to do, a comfort in being able to plan the future. Plus, I realized the odds were slim of finding someone else who would let me write about her. Now, I've never proposed before, but I had some theories. Women, it seemed to me, like to be proposed to. It puts them in a good mood. It's a can't miss. So, the way I saw it, you should use it as an opportunity to go somewhere she wouldn't normally enjoy. Not only will you both have a good time, but she'll also have positive associations with that place. That's why so many guys do it at baseball games. I had my eye on Scores, the premier strip club in Manhattan. But then I thought that I'd rather not do it somewhere that's all glitzy and forced romantic, like Tahiti or Scores, places that don't represent our real life together, which is actually full of tedium and drudgery, though a really pleasant tedium and drudgery. So I made her a big tofu dinner in our studio apartment. Then I woke her up at 1:30 a.m. and told her that over the past six months, I've been tearing up over Friends episodes about marriage and the ending of What Women Want. I told her that my life was perfect and that I wanted to freeze it. She seemed to want me to get to the point so she could go back to sleep. I gave her the ring, and she cried, and we consummated our engagement in a way that, because of the late hour and general excitement, didn't last all that long. Afterward she said, "If this is what it's going to be like, I'm not sure I want to marry you." That's when I knew I had made the right decision. People keep asking if I'm excited, and I feel bad that I'm not. But I am happy. And calm. And relieved. And so much more sure than I thought a person could be. And I finally realized that I'd happily trade the excitement of the unknown for all that.

It's bad enough that you step in dog poop, but you don't realize it till you walk across your living room rug. People behind you in a supermarket line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing. The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on. The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle. The radio station doesn't tell you who sang that song. There are always one or two ice cubes that won't pop out of the tray. There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING. There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address. Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth. When you need a salesperson, you can never find one. You can never put anything back in a box the way it came. You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don't know how to spell it. You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette. You had that pen in your hand only a second ago, and now you can't find it. You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing. You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them. You open a can of soup and the lid falls in. You rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out. You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7pm instead of 7am. You slice your tongue licking an envelope. You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire. Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading. By.....M/S

(1)Non stick Cellotape (2)Solar Powered Flash Light (3)A black highlighter pen (4)Glow in the dark sunglasses (5)Inflatable Anchor (6)Smooth Sandpaper (7)Waterproof sponge (8)Waterproof Teabags (9)AC adapter for Solar powered calculators (10)Fireproof Matches (11)Fireproof Cigarettes (12)Battery powered Battery Charger (13)Seatbelts for Motorbikes (14)Hand powered Chainsaw (15)Inflatable Dartboard (16)Silent Alarm Clock (17)A Pedal powered wheelchair (18)Braille Drivers Manual (19)Double sided playing cards (20)Ejector seats for Helicopters It's alright to talk to yourself. It's even alright to answer yourself. It only becomes a problem if you're talking to yourself and you go "Huh? What did you say?"

(1) Maternity leave would last two years....with full pay. (2) There would be a cure for stretch marks. (3) Natural childbirth would become obsolete. (4) Morning sickness would rank as the nation's #1 health problem. (5)All methods of birth control would be 100% effective. (6) Children would be kept in the hospital until toilet trained. (7) Men would be eager to talk about commitment. (8) They wouldn't think twins were so cute. (9) Sons would have to be home from dates by 10:00 PM. (10) Briefcases would be used as diaper bags. (11) Paternity suits would be a fashion line of clothes. (12) They'd stay in bed during the entire pregnancy. (13) Restaurants would include ice cream and pickles as main entree's. (14) Women would rule the world.

(1)Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. (2)Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough. (3)Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card? (4)Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration! (5)What's this doing here? (6)Hmmm.. I never knew that thing was in there. (7)Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? (8)Oh no! I just lost my contact. (9)Hand me that...uh...that uh.....thingie.. (10)What do you mean you want a divorce? (11)Someone call the janitor! We're going to need a mop! (12)I hate it when they're missing stuff in here. (13)Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. (14)OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. (15)You fool! You got the arms and legs switched. (16)and last but not least...FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

Well i'd like to thank you all & especially Shujui for the warmest wlc...anyway it is an intresting websight to visit.....

(1)You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up. (2)The Sun is too loud. (3)Trees begin to chase you. (4)You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. (5)You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. (6)You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. (7)You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. (8)You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand. (9)You and Reality file for divorce. (10)It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. (11)You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. (12)You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies. (13)Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.

(1) You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up. (2) The Sun is too loud. (3) Trees begin to chase you. (4) You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso. (5) You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee. (6) You can hear mimes. (7) You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before. (8)You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly. (9)Things become "Very Clear." (10) You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go. (11) You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand. (12)The less sense matter and matter is more than sense. (13) You and Reality file for divorce. (14)You can skip without a rope. (15) It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code. (16) You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before. (17)You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition. (18)You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies. (19)Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.