Where's the Washing Machine?
by Talal Sarwani
There's a very interesting worldwide phenomena taking place among the
Muslim
youth of today. Everyone's favorite bit of Sunnah has become the advice
of
the Prophet(SA'AS) to get married asap. Alhamdulillah, the wisdom of
that
advice is nothing short of Divine, but the abuse of that advice is
causing
much trouble in the Ummah today. That trouble has manifested itself
into the
most hated of what is Halal: Talaq (Divorce). Kids are getting married
right
and left, lost in some romanticized version of what married life seems
to be
about, and the second they find themselves stuck in a mud of
responsiblity,
it's time to flip out the cell phone and SMS your significant other:
I divorce you
I divorce you
I divorce you
Indeed, it is a time of cowards.
So I set out to investigate what was causing this desperate desire for
the
Great Hookup. What did I find? Were the beards really growin and the
brows
left un-threaded? Were the kufis being worn and the hijabs being
tightened?
Was the thawb and the 'abaya truly being donned? Was the scent of 'oud
aromafying the surroundings? Read on, brothers and sisters, read on for
the
truth....
The number one danger towards the one who is single, is to be around
those
who have newly become doubles. It's been refferred to in the past as
The
Fever. The Fever is not just the feeling that one needs to get hitched,
it's
the malady that causes such feelings simply from having attended the
hitching ceremonies of all-too-many people in an all-too-short amount
of
time. For proof of the existence of this syndrome, please go up to any
brother (Though I claim to know their perspective as well, out of
respect, I
shall take the fifth as far as sisters are concerned) during the
summer,
especially during this Summer of a Thousand Weddings. You'll hear the
usual
talk of empty hearts needing companionship, of guys swooning over she
who
looked back and if you're around one after someone else's wedding, a
feeling
of slight dejection rather than complete happiness for his just
betrothed
brother and sister. The Fever is a powerful thing, taking over the life
of
he or she who is stung by it, causing him or her to find themselves
raising
their hands to Allah every night, asking for either the filling of
their
empty hearts or at the very least a respite from their feelings. So,
brothas
and sistas, if you find yourself in this most unwanted predicament, the
prescription is as follows:
Step 1: Lower your gaze
Step 2: Pray for the feeling to go away
Step 3: Lower your gaze
Step 4: Don't talk to others about your predicament (you'll realize
they're
in the same hole, and then the both of you will wallow in each others
misery)
Step 5: Lower your gaze
Rinse. Spit. Repeat.
InshaAllah The Fever should soon subside and all will be back to
normal.
HOWEVER, say the ol' heart sparks at the just barely-sighted-glance of
a
certain someone, then be sure to follow the following steps. Now, keep
in
mind this is the ONLY accpetable follow-up to that "cue the chorus"
moment.
Consider this your final warning not to join certain committees of
certain
organizations, "accidentally" finding certain someones sitting there.
BONUS:
Step 6: ISTIKHARA TIME!!!!!!!!
Possible Step 7 for Brothers: Be a Man. Call her parents.
Possible Step 7 for Sisters: Just sit there all coy and shy (I keed, I
keed).
This prescription is signed and endorsed by Shayk (of the Polaroid
Picture
kind) Ishq ibn Al-Hubbatani, so you better believe it works.
There is however a lot more that contributes to the I Think I Love You,
Marry Me syndrome plaguing the Ummah today. The majority of these
causes
rests in the realm of what a brother once said: "Blame it on the Deen".
The Romantic Islam
As a preface to what follows, let me say that this topic includes far
more
than I can write about in this space, so I'm not gonna cover
anything... I
mean everything. There's literally an incredible amount of things that
fall
into The Romantic Islam, but I'll just touch upon these two of
varyingextremes, to give you just a taste of what I mean.
I'm using the word romantic not in the sense of an ideal, but in the
plain
old Qais/Majnu/Romeo and their Lailas/Juliet sense. These are those
bits
(according to the very doubtable research done for this) of Islam that
when
people gain knowledge of them, at a certain time of their lives, in
that
certain state of mind, all havoc lets loose, the hearts opens up in
need,
and the shaitaan is called in for playtime.
You... complete... me...
When Tom Cruise uttered those words to his love in Jerry McGuire, the
heart
of every woman in movies theaters around the world let out a collective
sigh. If only they knew what Muslimahs had already known for centuries,
or
at least what they did, once, know. I'm referring to the oft-repeated
hadith
of the Lone Hearted:
Narrated by Anas, who reported that the Prophet(SA'AS) said:
When a man marries, he has fulfilled half of his religion...
We are the creations of a Creator who knows our innards better than we
know
our names, so when we experience this wisdom that has been passed down
to
us, our hearts yell: SUBHANALLAH!!! I NEED to get married. Let's just
face
it, this hadith makes everyone feel good about things, and is among the
greatest proliferators of Wandering Heart technology. Do note the
",,,",
because you rarely ever hear the rest of the hadith:
so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half.
'Nuff said, yo. Fo schizzle.
Sweet Nothings
Ahem, the following is a very interesting tidbit. It's something I
gleaned
from a brother in whom the desire to be wed was knawing at him from the
inside. We were in a room with just pillows on the floor to chill on.
It of
course happened to be a time of someone else's wedding, which is why I
just
sat relaxing after a long night of partying with the
*cough*aunties*cough*.
So, this brother comes up to me, with a copy of Sahih Bukhari of all
things,
and he prompts me to read:
Volume 2, Book 21, Number 258:
Narrated 'Aisha :
After offering the Sunna of the Fajr prayer, the Prophet used to talk
to me,
if I happen to be awake; otherwise he would lie down till the Iqama
call was
proclaimed (for the Fajr prayer).
"Alright", I thought, "so?". He plopped himself down onto the floor,
and
with a bleary-eyed look, said: "Wouldn't it be amazing to have someone
to
talk to when you walk up a little early for Fajr?". Let's just say he
didn't
take too kindly at me falling over from laughter nor my suggestion that
he
could always give me a call anytime he feels lonely at that hour. If
you're
in this state. brothers and sisters, please follow the prescription
given to
you above, and inshaAllah spare the rest of us from stomach-hurting
hilarity.
The End of This
Alas, all great things come to an end, as must this column. I just
barely
touched upon what I really wanted to talk about, but my mind is not in
a
state of organization, so I leave you with this little conclusion.
Realize
that marriage isn't a joke or little fling you go through. It's a
responsibility, where the third party in the trust between a husband
and
wife is Allah. All this talk of love and all that jazz is a
distraction, so
pay little attention to it. There is ONE person for whom you are meant,
inshaAllah, so take care of your personal half of your deen, and Allah
will
provide you with the best of companionship. Take the halaal way, and
you'll
feel it yourself. The second the Nikah is done, the man and woman are
infused with a feeling of rahmah towards each other granted to them by
Allah. It's akin to that sudden mercy felt by one who has just become a
parent. It's not something you can understand beforehand. There's lots
of
things in Islam that stir the hearts, but they are there to convince
you of
the correctness of the Straight Path. Don't let the shaitaan lead you
astray
when he discovers the state of your heart and mind. Seek refuge and
establish trust in Allah, for that is the only way to keep yourself on
the
Sirat-Al-Mustaqeem. Someone once questioned the hurried rush to
marriage
seen in the Ummah, and couldn't understand how they took that step when
they
didn't even have a way of supporting a family. "When you're capable of
getting her the washing machine, then you're ready to begin a life
together".
So, I humbly bow out, going back to saving a little every two weeks, so
that
I can inshaAllah buy whatever washing machine her heart desires
http://www.hidayaonline.com/archives/000033.html
