lol @ barambaro sis...u always fine the loop hole...but no...i don't thing that they set such hard standards to follow...i mean they would be happy if he was somali, educated and from a good family...about the tribe im sure my parents would prefer if he was at least from the same clan...but that is up to me...and tribe or clan don't factor into it for me...about the money...its not about his family money....but rather about him and how he should be capable of supporting his family...inshallah... peace

Originally posted by FirstLady: Anyway my point is many somali girls including me are stuck looking for that educated and well-rounded brothers, so our parents can aprove. We start fishing as we go into higher educations such as unv or college. I just hope mr.well rounded and jobified(has good job a solid one)comes soon and hopefully he exsisted therwise...i will definatly seek aranged :rolleyes: ....ooops i take that back i wouldn't want to marry 50 year old who is leveled... :mad: gooooooooood(ALLAH) have mercy. lol....totally understand ur dilema...it true our mothers expect much...but then so do we....to tell u the truth i want that well rounded man...i want the man with the great job, and education...and who is also good muslim and somali man....inshallah...i think i've found him...so God willing ....he sees me the same way...inshallah ps. i don't think that is unrealistic to want this things....but i'll also be happy with wateva God proveides for me.... peace

queenie sis...this is my opinion...and its 4real...it seems needy....wanting anyone to do that 4 u....im sure there r guys out there who will do that 4 u...but is that the kind of person u need...someone who constantly needs attention by calling u and telling u they luv u...that isn't necessary as long as u know and its said at the right times and constantly...makes the feelings cheap...and about buying gifts ...wat does he want in return?...i wonder....it sounds tiring and time consuming....i can't handle ppl like that....it would also bore me and make me pity him for being so insecure..... ps...i like independent men...cause im an independent woman.... peace

im sorry...is that still happening? :mad: , i hope not cause that is so horrible...realisticly, how well do u parents really know u....i mean they know me....but not well enough to choose my mate for me....nobody can do that except u...how can u let someone tell u who to spend the rest of ur life with....never....i love my parents and value their opinion....but i hope that they respect me and realize that i can make the right decision for myself....ofcourse i would want them to be pleased with my choice and approve....but that is extent of thier involvement... peace

i don't know about y'all....but to me the sweetiest things are not always so elaborate...little things always please me more..i really don't have that much time to hang out with my sweetie on the wkdays...and on the weekends btw his family and mine (we r both 1st borns), and our friends we are just glad to spend time together....flowers are great but not necessary, calling me early in the morning not acceptable....am leaving for school and so is he. he does a lot of sweet things and so do i but there is this one time when he picked me up and when i got in the car he had my favorite somali song on and then he put it on repeat over and over again...i was floored and i thought that was the sweetest thing...it was not elaborated, or staged it was spontenious and oh so appreciated.... ps. being romantic and sweet should be an indivitual thing and doesn't have to follow the "Formular"....u know the flowers, the candy, the moon light walks...lol.... :rolleyes: and doing sweet things should come from both the ppl in the couple... peace

Originally posted by silent-sistah: 4get me going to a married man and becoming 2/3/ or 4, if my current husband married a 2nd, i would divorce him i would make him sign a prenup stopping him remarrying and if he does, our marriage is over. if he refused to divorce me -i would make his life a living hell, till he gave me my paper. i know that the prophet and the sahaba did it, but im not Aisha (radiaya Allahu anhu), i dont have the same selfcontrol or patience as them....and today is very far away from the time of the Prophet(pbuh). no way in hell can a man raise and treat 2 families, 100% equal in this day and age--- that simple facts stops men claiming their right to marrying 4 wifes) yes im jelious i wont deny it, im extremely jelious and the thought that the man i married, is screwing another woman and 2morrow will come home and try screw me? with the same filthy toothpick excuse for dick...hell no, id rather castrate him then let him come near me! if i wasnt satisfying my husband, he can divorce me and get a new wifey...however, if im satisfying him - doing my best left, right and centre, him getting a new wife is insluting to me. p.s., i have been in a situation with a married guy. i was with him before he got married, he got married without me knowing, and started talking to me after he got married but by then i had found out he was married....a$$hole wanted to have his cake and eat it. now i was heart-borken,shattered and thought i would never recover coss i was like head-over hills for him. it has taken me 3 years to get over him.....and even if it killed me, i would never ever have gone near him - id rather die than talk to a married man sis silent sister im not going to offer any condolences for the situation u found urself in....cause as i can see u overcame the "man" and u sound the better for it...u know sis..what they say.."what doesn't kill, only makes u stronger"....like the girl said...it is all about choice....i know myself and there is no way i cold live like that, it is impossible...i would love my husband very much and sharing him is just not an option...inshallah....and i can't be like anyone is .....all i can say for u women out is that know urselves...and what u can live with...if u can handle it....then it is all good ...but if can't don't let a man make u miserable...be honest.....its ur life too...u know...u don't have to live with his choices if they don't make u happy....and for the men too...ur actions have consequences....and u have a responsibilty to ur wife and kids...and u should always think of thier health physically and mentally.....and to tell u the truth marrying a second is very selfish....y do u want another woman...if u r not satisfied with ur 1st one...tell her and move on....but if u want to have ur cake and eat it...well u r just gonna have to face the consequences of ur actions cause not all women are likely to be happy.... :rolleyes: peace

i never said that....neither am i worried about it.....

Originally posted by Damsel: I think I see that most of the women who want to be a wife, mother, and a bussinesswoman expect thier future hubbies to agree to their demands and dont want him to expect them to change for him. it is happening again...ppl r misunderstanding....i never said that i wanted to change him...if i chose him just the way he is...that is how i want him....and there r no demands on him....all i want is for him to take me as i am.... to bro ngonge....i might have simplified the question...when i say career...i don't mean a job...i mean a fulfilling path that came as a result of my studies...im a research student in a biology department...and it is my goal to find cures for some the illnesses that are out there in the world...inshallah.... thanks for all ur feed back..... respect

u didn't answer the the question...u just told me ur requirment list for a wife...... :rolleyes: plz......

[ also baranbaro aisha was 9 yes.. but at that time, society was different.. and 9yrs old at time are smarter than 24 yrs old now in north america sorry.. but that's the trueth.. [/QB] it is true my little sister who is also 9....is told when to clean her rm...just imagining that happening to her alone...will give me nightmares....this story is an example of what ignorance can do to this world...what kind of decent man would want to have a child in wedlock...it is extremely disturbing....that alot for more ppl were not offended...inshaallah...this disgusting man will be brought to justice.... peace

easily and with a smile on our face..... respect

ok...here is the thing....from what i gathered...somali men at this day and age have expectations from thier potential future wives....besides being cultural and affleuent in the traditional somali ways of our ancestors, they also want expect to be religiously educated and aware....see all this i have i believe is great and we should all be very stepped in our religion and culture.....but what am a little confused about is that they also prefer for us to be educated...well...if that is to be how do u expect a person to have dedicated all this time and effort in an education and then they expect u ...to stay at home and then raise the kids ...and God forbid ...that u want to have a career after u've had kids....is it so wrong for me to want it all....a great home and a great career?...plz help a sister outtttttttt peace

plz...give me a break y'all...u teach ur children the essecials urself..the religion, the culture...u do that urself...as for catching the cold..they do that all on thier own from other various places...as simple as taking them to the hospital....and incase u were not "listening" b4...i suggested taking them there later in thier development stage just b4 they go out to school anyway...there is nothing wrong with daycares...it teaches children to get along with thier peers...and being cuddled by thier grandmothers....that brings nothing but spoilt children who can't be taken outside into the world...i've noticed that alot of somali ppl tend to raise their children a little too close to home...i want my children to be able to handle school when it is time for them to go out there....i want them to be fluent in wateva language they need.....somali and arabic at home and english at school, etc...i want them to be educated as soon as they can be.....i want to prepare my children for the world...not hide them from it...i intend to travel with them at a young age...show them the world...give them a place in it...how can u know what ur place is in the world if all u know is ur mom and grandma's bosoms ...i want alot of things for children and expect alot from them....and being raised by a grandma type of person or a clinging mom isn't one of them.... ps. my mother is not a nanny....she raised my siblings and i ....and i don't intend her last years to be spent chasing after my offspring....i want her to be in a state of suspended bliss for the rest of her days ...i want to care of my mom...as she took care of me while i needed her....it is her time to rest....i also have plans for myself and my husband...we plan on having careers and "lives"....i want my husbant to c me as something more than just the mother of his children, im not just a walking uterus :rolleyes: ...i also a have a brain and i plan on using it outside of my home...i want to be able to do anything i want...in my future...includes being a mom, a wife, a career person...and all kinds of other things a will add to it....and they don't include being a house for the rest of my life.... besides girls don't u have other aspiration...beside being a mother?....i do... peace

i'm suprised at y'all....didn't none u live alone or at a dorm?...by now u should have learned how to make at least passable baris, pasta iyo suugo....in the future i would love nothing better than to have a great home cooked meal waiting for my husband and i would also massage his feet (if im in the mood ..for the massaging that is)....but if i was late at work or something...or i wasn't feeling well....i would expect my husband to take care of his family....in this world we live in today, where both spouses work and have children to take care of....a little sharing of the household chores is necessary...if u want a little something something in the bedroom...and u don't help ur wife in the daytime....well at nite she we'll be out...and one will help u ..so its to ur benifit ...if u get wat i mean respect

sophine....great question.....like barambaro...i've not gone to school all this years to stay at home for the rest of my life....i'll be a stay at home mom until they go to daycare.....and i'll make sure that i'm home when they get home.....so....works for both of us...besides daycare is great, it prepares children for school..as long as u start at a reasonable age like 3 or 4 yrs. old, besides og-girl..u gonna have to leave them with strangers sooner or later when they start school anyway..unless u plan on keeping them at home...... respect

lol......@ damsel....

somealien....sis....thank you for stating this view....i said almost the same thing and i ended sounding like some western influenced chick.....lol @ different opinions...... much respect

lol @ feebaro...i should come with a warning label..."too hot to handle...."..... respect

lol...at barambaro sis...thanks for the advice...chilax..hahahaha...like that...it is not worth it... and i have moved on.... it is all good sis..charisma... peace

plz...baro..sis..never...i don't about the two sisters who agreed with this ....i'm sure ur husbands or future ones will appreciate ur open midness....i just know myself..i'll not share my house or my husband ...lets be realistic....to tell u the truth ...it is hard for me to believe that there are some women out there who are fine with this....u r either amazing...or ....no offense meant...apologize in advance..... respect

wow..wow...relax....and sweetie....u can keep ur question no one is gonna change it ...u said "this is my opinnion wats ur"....well..it seems u r not interested in anyone else's opinion except with those that agree with urs...all u want to do is force feed ppl ur opinions...and to tell u the truth...ur question is ummm ..nice...and has potential, but well...if i were u, i would advice u not assume anything about me....sugar...u have no idea what i know...or what i was taught...or by whom...so relax...ok respect

horn dude...i agree with u....i live in seattle and its great....it is a very sophisticated urban jungle...not for everyone.... respect

sir feebaro...i accept....sorry about the whole thing u might be right...about the new ppl comment....otherwise its all good...water under the bridge bro... respect

mr or ms. feebaro....if our involvement is offensive to u ....plz...stay away from it...rather than assume to tell me when and where i can post...... :rolleyes: and thank you walaal barambaro.....for the warm welcome...appreciate it respect

y'all sound extremely intelligent and mature...but realisticly...i couldn't handle sharing my husband with anyone...regardless of what religion says or anything....it wouldn't be the kind of life i would wish for myself it has nothing to do with the western world views...it has to do with me...believe me i would have made his life hell...if that happened....besides he would already know my reaction to it...as i would have told him...even if i loved him more than life....i couldn't live with him...knowing that he didn't love me as much....and at the end i would have hated him....that is no kind of life.... peace