She is in Seattle on April 13-14, book sighing at the old alma mater UW and community fundraiser at new holly:o

Lol....that's more like it. I am so sorry that u have the misfortune of having to deal with incompetence and hospital bureaucratic red tape is a mess:mad:. But i am so jealous of ur second birth experience it sounds great I was looking forward to my VBAC but I psyched myself out and i literally had nightmares of what could go wrong for months. Thankfully my sisters and my mom are heaven sent, and my poor hubby was so good...and Alxamdulilah the recovery was good just a couple of months of taking it easy but I was driving by week 5 and I stopped the heavy meds by week 2 and took ibuprofen for the pain rest of the time. Sometimes I wish that I had the will power to hold out, but for me the Csection was the right decision and I was happy with it.

Hello ladies, Well I guess it's my turn, 1. Did you have a birth plan? I did, because it gave me a sense of being in charge of my own birthing experience. My Dr is very cool and I interviewed a couple of doctors before I settled on her, she was young and progressive and agreed to my birthing experience I wanted to have. Well, the funny thing was none of that happened because my daughter was breach so emergency Csection....there went the birth plan:p 2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why? Obviously, an OBGYN, I am not granular i don't like the midwives and all the alternative experiences. I like hospitals and machines....all that(no judgement intended....I just don't like all the hand holding that midwives and especially doulas encourage) 3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian? With both my children I did. My first was breach(read above ), and I had a VBAC without induction scheduled for my second, but by last trimester it was obvious he was huge. I scheduled a Csection on his due date and he was almost 11lbs....so thank Allah for that. 4. Pro epidural or anti? I am pro, but never had the experience....but I am anti pain 5. Take classes before the birth? I did all the classes....but mostly they were bonding times for the hubby and I and we enjoyed them. The only one iwas serious about was the nursing one....it was so helpful. 6. Nurse and for how long? I did 1 year for both of them, I had a lot of support from my family and husband so I was able to fully nurse them. I was not working, so that made all the difference in the world. ***generally I follow my own instincts and intuition, I of course listen to advise and take it in consideration but I have to make decisions that I have to live with for the rest of life....so at the end it's up to me.

Lol...true Che, but I fight the idea that I am an elitist, or bigoted and I try to keep an open to other people around me. I am glad that being educated has opened my mind and I will not tolerated ignorance and negativity.....like calling women trash xalimos:mad:

It's seems a bit exaggerated to say that all the somali women who marry reverts are self loathing, insecure and ajahanabi lovers....who btw also hate somali men. From what I have seen there seems always be a bit of a culture clash whenever too extremely different cultures get married, I have noticed the complications arise btw somali/whites and somali/ african Americans .....to list a few. Somali people r xenophobic by nature( if u r not u have a close relative or relatives who r), this makes the interactions with others difficulty and marriages with other cultures so much more hard work for the couples than it had to be. Ps...I think a person should have the frugal or extravagant(if u can afford it) wedding that they want. As long as it doesn't beggar u in the process.

I was curious about this and I thought u ladies might share some of ur thoughts.... When u guys were pregnant; 1. Did you have a birth plan? 2. Did u visit an ob-gyn, a midwife or a doula? Why? 3. Did u have a scheduled Caesarian? 4. Pro epidural or anti? 5. Take classes before the birth? 6. Nurse and for how long? When I had my 2 kids....I had a lot of unwanted and unsolicited advise....and was curious what others in a similar position went through. In many instances I felt alone, because all my western friends were different from me and I was different from my mom and her fiends(friends )"...so I had to depend on an instinctual path and I did what I felt was right for me. Ps...I apologize if this is a bit personal....but I come from medical work background and rarely feel that health issues r private:o

Was I supposed to announce my return? I guess I wanted to return the same way I left without any fireworks:cool: Btw...thanx.

Shaley deh. :rolleyes:

I stand by my statement...I DID ACTUALLY read it. I don't recall that I mentioned anything about perfection, other than to perhaps suggest that u should not be starting a relationship with someone with a personality u don't like. I have also mentioned the improvement of oneself...so I guess pot and kettle and all that. Ps...Spouses personalities do not change much over time. Who you marry today, will be similar in disposition tomorrow. There have been studies to proof that as we grow older, we become more set in our ways. Indeed, adult personalities are known to be less flexible than those of children. The person u marry will not change in a significant way, it's best to choose a person u r compatible with to begin with!

DoctorKenney;933257 wrote: People change. I've seen Somali girls who were ignorant and intolerable people with low morals when they were 20 years old, but when they're 28 it's like they're a whole different person. The Somali sister has now stopped going to the clubs, became more religious, she is now more cultured, and her experiences have made her into a mature Somali lady. She would be excellent for marriage. People change, and I'm sure I can say the same for Somali men as well. So if you find a young Somali girl and you don't like something about her personality, perhaps you could help change her and she could help make you into a better person as well... I don't know about this "shortage" you speak of. There's no shortage of marriageable Somali women. In fact there's a surplus. If as you say "there's a surplus" of them why bother changing her, she is obviously not the one for u. A young woman is not a piece of clay u mold to suit u, or make u better, if there is something a man needs to change about himself as an adult its his responsibility to make himself a better man. Marriage is about growing together and finding the best in each other. The best married people complement and complete each other, they change together as they grow as individuals and as a couple in their relationship.

No person is an island and to assume that to seek outside advice, opinion, or whatever u call it is what the age of interactive social media has made available for us. I for one I am so happy to find like minded peers who might have insight into the issues I want to know more about, just a click away. Besides marriage and relationships are complicated and some times it's not that u need advise as much as u just need to vent a little.

If u guys are trying to grow ur hair try Prenatal vitamins the folic acid(vitamin B-9) is great for ur hair, nails and skin.

Originally posted by *Ibtisam* : HAHAHA LOL. Bess, so my dear sis, if your husband slept with some next women you would try and work things out and forgive him? Are you having me on? [Eek!] [Eek!] Errm you are special case with a big heart my dear. And YES I am judging you in this regard. I can see where u would think it impossible to forgive and forget, and to tell the truth who knows how i will react if such a horrendous thing were to happen( I pray against that). What can i say I am a FIXER, i would want to know why it happened...what is missing in our relationship...so on and so forth. PS...My husband would never cheat...he knows i don't share well at all... :mad:

Originally posted by NGONGE: ^^ What's evil or violent about that? Are you defending dolls now you mad woman? If the dolls looked liked rabbits, i doubt you would be having this stimulating conversations with each other. Its just another form of misogynous and juvenile behavior that men indulge in.

Originally posted by chubacka: If someone cheats on you would never trust them again (u might say you do, but i doubt it) why then spend all your time an energy trying to save something that has been so badly damaged.Also if you do take someone back after cheating on you, what does that say about your own self value. How desperate are you to be with this person? Bring out the black bag I would say, but then again this hasn't happened to me and iA none of us will experience it so that jst my opinion. Excuse me... :rolleyes: , this has nothing to do with my self worth or how i am so desperate, and i am not going to argue about it with someone who doesn't know me. I guess it depends if i think that its my fault, that i am being cheated on, which i don't. people make mistakes and i would love to blv that i would give my husband the chance to explain and repent and then we can move on with the rest of our lives. That is not to say, stay in a situation that is not changing or healthy, if u have tried to work on things and there isn't any progress...move on. PS... From ur message i could say that u r a quitter, with low self esteem who runs away whenever things get too hard... :cool: ...but then i don't know u and i am just assuming...(u know what they say about people who make assumptions...)

I just don't blv in divorce personally, i think its an excuse to take the easy road out. As long a marriage is salvageable, u should work through whatever problems that lead to the infidelity to begin with.

Originally posted by Ibtisam: I never want to eat after I cook, my edo told me because the smells fills you up. I would normal have a snack hrs later. Amina, you are doing the cooking, so add self feeding time to your cooking time if it bothers you so much. And WLC to SOL. Lol...i agree. i never want to eat after i have been cooking all day. besides just cook enough for everyone...and then u can all eat happily, at the same time, one after the other whatever way makes u happy. i personally prefer to feed everyone at the same time, so that i don't have the whole problem of food running out. the only people who don't eat first are generally the cook and whoever is helping in the kitchen.

Today ...i am grateful that the snow is finally melting...i hate being cooped in the house...i miss Starbucks, the library and my sisters...

Congrats walaal, I hope ur marriage is all u envisioned it to be, long, fruitful and blessed...insha'allah.

Originally posted by nuune: ^^ Horta Besbaaso, wlcme back, you indeed belong to a different breed of women, where are you from, you shouldn't be called Somali Woman at all!! Thanks for the welcome, but the rest i object to, just cause i don't a preset model of behavior doesn't exclude me from Somali womanhood. Besides i like some parts of the poem, i appreciate its creativity. But i am a little tired of being Dardaaran to... :rolleyes:

Thanks walaal Aaliyah it was romantic...thanks...maybe the speech wasn't as long as i thought at the time...i was a little excited... Pucca, wow...i can't get over how sweet, modest and romantic the whole experience sounds...i wish you guys a long, and blessed lives together.

This kind of warning has always been unfair to women and doesn't apply to my life style at all. i wish Somali men would just adapt and move on from this archetype of womanhood they are attached to from another century and country. MOVE ON. I can assure although i share some personality traits with my mother(love and respect my mom)I AM nothing like her, neither are my sisters and none of my friends are like their mothers either. No offense to the older generation of Somali women, i think we are a different breed of women. we are educated, we have careers, we are mothers, Muslim women and we expect help from our spouses. And yes, sometimes...i don't feel like cooking...u might want to cook or takeout is an option...and don't forget to order from that nice halal Cham restaurant around the corner...

It seems scary...how can u be sure of the sincerity of these men. New relationships are ambiguous at best... Besides have some patience walaal, it will happen in due time insha'allah. And its not fair to the Somali men populous in London to generalize them, i am sure there is one hiding somewhere...

Aaliyah walaal its all about personality, and i am sure the man u choose to marry will know what is appropriate with u. I cant imagine my husband on his knees to anyone(and i like that, he is proud). Our proposal was just great for me, Because i am so busy with school...we couldn't really go out a lot, i would get off around 10pm or sometimes the middle of the night. so we always improvised on what to do together, generally we just got some dessert at whatever restaurant is open late, i always need chocolate after a long night. One night he picked me up from the hospital late, right before we got out of the car, he said he wanted to tell me something...he has been acting nervous and weird the last couple of days...i thought he was swamped at work or needed some attention or something. The actual proposal was kind of surreal to me, i swear he delivered a whole speech in Somali(i forget all Somali when i get nervous)...how he couldn't imagine marriage to anyone else, or want anyone else to be the mother of his children...so on and so forth. It was sincere and beautiful....and then we got some great chocolate cheese cake....the best night ever...simple

Thank u guys so much...so far Allah has made the process easy for me alxamdulilah, but still...nobody mentions how out of body u feel...not to mention just being plain uncomfortable. Lol...finding out the sex of the baby was kind of obvious for me(i am doing my residency in pediatrics) i peeked during the ultrasound and there it was baby daughter. Insha'allah the labor will be fine...I pray.