Asc wr. wb. Good 2be back..... Oslo University College in Norway, I study Nursing, final year

Asc wr wb. Originally posted by Good-Credit: Does any of you ladies know how hard it is for a single mother with kids to find a man who is willing to marry her? .... i dont blame that single mom for considering the dude's proposal. Originally posted by Good-Credit: t..... Excuse me brother, but I strongly disagree with U on that. The fact is, that these days it's easy for single mothers to find a man who wants to mmarry then, but hard for the singlemothers to know their intention. I say that becouse, these days, singlemothers have a place of her own, financial independent and are maybe even a career women. there are some men who would see that as an opportunety as, sadly, many somali men are unemployed/chewing "qaad" and/or living on welfare. If they were to marry single girls, he can't afford to, so the singlemothers has this dillema to find out who means sencirelly when porposing. I don't think life is only about marrying and having kids. One is taking on a huge responsebility when marrying another. U r promising this other persons' happiness through Ur journey in life. If one is seeking/thinking of spending life with another in the future than the person U r marring now, they U r bound to fail. Beacouse time spendt together now will not have the same value as to when U know this person will be here with U 4ever insha Allah. My friend decided to let him go, she said no matter how much we love eachother, if I'm in doupt of accepting this now, it'll be harder and is bound to cause problems in the future. Also as Juxa said, the children are in the picture, so she felt as if she was being selfish and not putting them a nr 1 priority. I hope she finds happiness, becouse she really deserves it. I'm glad I have been there for her and been able to help her see the situation in different angles. Macakumsalaama.

Asc wr wb. Beauty of Women Did you know that if shop mannequins were real women they'd be too thin to have babies? There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do. Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14. If Barbie was a real woman, she'd have to walk on all fours due to her proportions. The average woman weighs 144 lbs and wears between a 12-14. One out of every four college aged women has an eating disorder. The models in the magazines are airbrushed - not perfect! A psychological study in 1995 found that three minutes spent looking at a fashion magazine caused 70% of women to feel depressed, guilty, and shameful. Models twenty years ago weighed 8% less than the average woman.Today they weigh 23% less. Today women are lovers, mothers, and career women. Who else is able to balance such a load, and do it with a smile? The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, The place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the care that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman, with passing years - only grows. *****eykumaslaam.

Asc wr wb. Walaalayaal, I think this topic is very intresting. I agree with besbaaso when she wrote about women bleaching their skin color. I think they must have real issues about their self-image, otherwise, why would a person prefere one different colored body? look@Michael Jackson, if changing Ur skin color had advantages, he would have had them all. Besides, it's like saying to Allah "Ya Allah, I'm not happy with how U ceriated me, so I'll do it better"! SUBXAANALLAAH. Coming back to the topic, in my opinion, no one is ugly, since beauty is in the eyes of the beholder there is someone who loves the person U see as ugly. Beauty image in societies changes, just look back @the near somali beauty historie; Big hips, SMAll weist etc, and nowadays; the closer to looking like a Hollywood star, the more beautiful U r percived/viewd@. So, the question is, how much does it matter to U what other people say about the way Allah ceriated U? really! who wants to be judges on only their apearence? Lets say U look like a star and everybody desires U, where do U think that would lead U2? My point being, as long as U r healthy (mentally, physically and spiretually), U shouldn't be caring about how people see U. This body is going somewhere @the end and that is QABRIGA, so, Aboor is going to get this body. Instead U should worry about what U r doing to deserve Allahs'kindness in this world and the hereafter. Work hard to achieve Jannah, instead of working out hard @the GYM. Macakumsalaama. Originally posted by besbaaso: i think somali women have some of the worst body images in the whole world.....i mean other women worry about things like am too fat or not curveous enough or wateva.....but i have neva seen ppl so dissatisfied with thier own skins that they felt they had to change thier god given color....i mean we knew them since when andthey were beautiful chocolate colored or even caramel colored women and now they look like they have some kind of skin condition which has stolen thier beautiful color.....in wat world r pink or molted looking ppl attaractive.....and wat is the use of having a light skinned face and arms ...whereas the rest of u is as nature intended....its quite frightening to look at and also hazardous to thier health..... why won't someone help them.....

Asc wr wb. Originally posted by Nuuh: Provide me a house,4 beautiful mute women, and a billion dollars and I will have all the happiness one can attain in a life time. I would be set for life. Lol, so basically, a house, women and money is all U need! I wish it was that simple Nuuh. In my opinion, money makes people more greedy/unhappy (with that I mean, more than U need to survive) basically shaydaan ayaa ku lamaan. And the one who can survive with a lot of money is he/she who is fare, very fare and has lots of faith. Faarax-Bond, life without happiness is painful man. I agree that one does not need to be happy all the time, if we don't go through defficulties and unhappiness, we can't recognise and appreciate happiness, in my opinion. But I wouldn't go as far as asking to be unhappy all the time. Macakumsalaama.

Asc wr wb. I found this on the nett, and found it inspirational. Just wanted to share. what makes U happy? share with US! 1. Make up your mind to be happy. Learn to find pleasure in simple things. 2. Make the best of your circumstances. No one has everything, and everyone has something of sorrow intermingled with gladness of life. The trick is to make the laughter outweigh the tears. 3. Don't take yourself too seriously. Don't think that somehow you should be protected from misfortune that befalls other people. 4. You can't please everybody. Don't let criticism worry you. 5. Don't let your neighbor set your standards. Be yourself. 6. Do the things you enjoy doing but stay out of debt. 7. Never borrow trouble. Imaginary things are harder to bear than real ones. 8. Since hate poisons the soul, do not cherish jealousy, Avoid people who make you unhappy. 9. Have many interests. If you can't travel, read about new places. 10. Don't hold postmortems. Don't spend your time brooding over sorrows or mistakes. Don't be one who never gets over things. 11. Do what you can for those less fortunate than yourself. 12. Keep busy at something. A busy person never has time to be unhappy. Macakumsalaama.

Asc wr wb. ahahahahaha sweether then tea, Wallahi waad iga qoslisay. Lol, if U look @what I wrote "gave birth" U could see it's past tens. Meaning, after all the pain was gone, and believe me, there is no medicine greater then holding Ur child in Ur arms. This little human being, looking at U, depending on U and is all Urs(ilaahay kasokoow), pain will be gone in seconds. Suddenly, U be imagening her wearing prity, little, pink dress and looking qute, everything else is gone. that, for me, was the greatest feeling ever. Alxamdulillaah.

Asc wr wb. Very nice topic, makes one question how much they think they can controll the future. that being said, I think I agree with Classique when he says there is a 5th direction. looking forward to Ur point of view Classique, here is my opinion: Faith's direction: Dear, three years of seeking nothing and finding nothing is very long. Let's try something new. from today, we shall pray to Allah a salaat istikhaarah and follow the direction of our heart. Allah knows what's 2come in the future, so why wast time worying about it! and since Allah gives HIS best to those who leave the choice with him, we have nothing to loose but the evil sheydan. When going to the faith's direction, keep in mind that U have light in Ur heart. That does not meant U should'nt explore and plan Ur journey, but U start Ur journey knowing what ever happens, U should believe in Qadr and that things happen for a reason. Even though some times we can't see or understand the reason behind everything that happens in our lifes, that doesn't mean there are no reasons behind. Tools needed are: Ur self, Ur faith, knowledge of Islamic rules for the man and the woman in mariage, a partner who shares Ur choice of this direction and reasons behind, and leave the rest to Allah. Do Ur best to be a good muslim wife / husband in this world. Don't worry about what people say, sheydan might use them to splitt U a part and remember: the true reward is the hereafter, Aakhira. "laayukallifullaahu nafsan ilaa wascahaa" meaning Ilaahay kuguma dhibaayo inaad fuliso wax awoodaada kabaxsan. Just do Ur best and everything will work out. wasalaamu caleykum!

Asc wr wb. Feelings are personal, no one can feel what is the best feeling for another, therefore feelings are subjective. When asked this question, I wondered if it means: 1) "the best feeling U have had in Ur life so far" or 2) "the best feeling U can imagine having in Ur life"?? For me 1) was, when I gave birth to my doughter. 2) is, when at the end of my day, I can look back what I did and feel good about me as a muslim for praying 5 prayers, as a mother for knowing I have been the best I can be for taking care of my family & as a person for acomplitiong my goals. wasalaamu caleykum.

Asc wr wb to all. It's been exciting reading all of Ur views, thank U. Layziegirl: Sister all U had to do, was give Ur points of view if U had any, after reading what was written up there. If U would feel that U needed 2ask questions before U write then, then that was all U had 2do. There is no need 2give details, oppviously the person wanted to stay anonymous & they have the right 2that. That person is one of my friends. She asked me for her advice and since "to heads think better than one" I thought I should ask my somalian pple 4their opinion on this, so that I could give her things to think about. Wind.talker: I agree that one should always follow their heart. As far as the Polygamy matter, I think this man is being honest with my friend, he is atleast giving her the righ to "choose" weither to share him with another lady in the future. There are many somali men who would tell their lady she is the only one, then marryes another women. Nova: I call what U did "a good reflection" well done. Sure this man has his reasons for marrying my friend. Those revieled to me by her, are that he loves her & thinks this is the love of his life, she feels the same. Qac Qaac: U have good point. One could ask "what is the reason this lady can't have his children" & as U guessed, there are helth issues that will no longer allow her to do just that, as much as she would love to. I'm sure, like I am, many of U could be thinking it's fare that she lets him have another lady or let him go. But life is not fare and we are lucky if don't meet similar dillemas in life. She considered leting him go and explains: she had a lot of experience with some men and is afraid to spend the rest of her life alone, never find another love as strong. I also asked her why then, she feels she can't let him have kids with another lady. She explains: she is afraid to promise something that later, can become defficult to except. since humans are emotional beings, she is afraid to hurt real bad. Thank U again, for Ur answers. It's good to reflect and talk about real life issues, becouse then we can learn from exchanging thoughts. Wasalamucaleykum.

Asc wr wb. Ladies & gentlemen, Ur advice is needed. There is this single man who wants to share his life with this single mother. She already has children and wants no more, but he is just starting his life, therefore needs/wants children. To find a solution to this problem, he sugests to marry her now and another lady in the future. The second lady can, hopefully, give him children. This man is so Mr Right for her, but does she dare to share him!?? What would U do/advice to this lady?

Asc wr wb. Nice Article sis. I laughed a lot when done reading. I think those women are women who luck faith "iimaan". There is nothing wrong with finding the person whom U think U can share Ur life with. The one that has all that U r looking for in a man, but one should be realistic about their priority. The most important, to me, is that the man has Akhlaaq and that he practices Islam. The rest should not be that long of a list. Everybody knows what's best for them, but remember to always have faith in Allah.

Hello eveybody! Nice topic. I think when it comes to what Legend.. said, I would prefer to be lovers first, then friends. The reason for that is, if U come to know the other person as potensial lover, U would explore if there match U in ways that aply to U. U can critizise and weigh their qualities and then decide if U would want to spend Ur life with that person. When being friends first, U kind of axcept all of the good and the bad of that person, becouse U don't have to live with them. U support them and all and expect the same. I have some male friends and they each have different carecteristics. and they each fill a part in my life. to live with the, I'd have to find one with many of those carecteristics. do I make sence!? I hope so. Wasalamu caleykum.

Originally posted by sade: Going back qn. to marry a younger guy. I beleive he has to be convincing enough to be mature to even think about.What women fear is the immaturity and the societies eyes n ears.While its a new chance to become young at heart and a mutual companion. Assalamu caleykum wr. wb. Waw Sade, I thought U were a man!! I agree with U that the man has to be mature enough 4me to even think about geting to know him and give him a chance. It's known that girls develop earlier then boys and I suppose that stays with us, atleast 4me, thinking that a man younger is less mature. When the question is asked & I thought about it, waaw 7-years!! I guess thinking back experiences, I have met some older men who were less mature then men younger then me. so I would say it depends on how mature he is, at the end of the day I want some1 I can develope with, some1 to stimulate me intelectually, not another child in the family. Also humans, both men and women, want different things in different stages of life. if the younger man wants to settle down now, he might wake up one day and decide he wants different things in his life, so the best thing would be a man who is older then me, more mature and has a stable life and lots of life experiences. peace

Asalamu caleykum wr. wb. How do I motivate my selv? I think I'll find the answer by looking back 2my goals from the first place, which is 2contrepute something back to Somalia in the future. Secondly, my kids keep me motivated and the Somali youth future. When I think of the many single mothers and their kids who are "agoon aabahood noolyahay" I think of the future of this generation that my kids are one of.I don't want my children to be another statistic, I want them to have a strong mother who doesn't let anything stop her from studying, even being "single mother", since children learn from us by looking at what we're doing and taking us as examples. Third is knowing this "refugeeness" is not gonna last. I want to take advantage of these opputuneties of educations, that many Somalians back home have not and I want to be prepared to go back home, be4 they say "we are sick & tired of U, go back where U come from". Good luck to all of us.

This topic is very sensitive to those who actually are in the situation. I don't think any man/woman have the right to beat the other, no mater how ungry U are. Rasuulullaahi(SCW) said in a xadiith "unger is from sheidan and he is cariated from fire, so when U get ungry make a wuduu'(weyseyso) becouse the water extinguishs the fire" more or less. As far as beating the man up, there is a proverb saying "nin guri wada muraayad ah kujiroow, dhagaxtuur ha'isku bilaabin" so, you are not that strong to fight him back physically, so when U start a fight that is exactely what he wants, then he can beat the crap out of U and he'll be saying she started it. Maybe that is all he wanted, for U to start the same thing he is doing, maybe he is a psyko and he might hit U today and kill U tomorrow. to somealien You are absolutly right, I have a friend who is in similar situation. U know in "Qurbo" she tells me, I have no family to support me and protect me, so if I leave him what about the kids! they really love him, she says. If I go to krisescenter and he finds me, it's even worse , she says. I don't aprove of the way she is seeing her situation, but I'm only a friend and all I can do is give her my advice, but she says "It's easy ¤U 2say, becouse U are not in my situation" I don't blame her. If I find my selv in that situation, I would take my time to get to know the man after marriege be4 kids come into the situation, but I would report him, becouse I feel, even if I don't have my family with me, the police are my family when some one is treating me bad. If that doesn't help I would tell his family, if that doesn't help, I would find a couple of men from my clan to beat him up to his sences, so he knows how it feels like, so he is told "she is not born from the ground she has family" even if my family weren't here, I could find people to call my friends who would care enough to let him know where to drow the lines. This is a tough situation to be and I would advice women to be wise when choosing partner.

Asalamu caleykum wr.wb. Originally posted by Beard: Bismillah, Some Families have improved.Some have gone for the worse. Most parents preffered to give their daughters to religious people because they treat them with kindness. Ladies married to religious people had a good life.It was terrible for those married to Jahils. Parents who love their daughters gave them to a sheikh as second wife so that she is not abused by a jahil with one wife. Originally posted by Beard: Bro. Beard, it sounds like you are adverticing "wadaads" who are married to many wifes to be the first choice of parents with dougthers unmarried!! For a man to treat a woman deacent, I believe, depends on how he was raised by his own parents. They are our rolemodels and we follow their foot steps, weither good or bad, conciously or unconciously. Back to the topic, although all is said, I would add to this: the way we act, beside from our own caracter, depends on the enviroment we are living in. i.e, if U ask an elderly for advice in a marriege mater, they often tend to say if you are a woman "the man has every right to treat U as he wishes, these days women (kibirkaa laga badiyay) you should see the way we were treated back in old days, we were good wifes..." I would say it was socialy accepted to be treated that way and be able to say/do nothing about it, becouse "xaawo" next door is being treated exactly the same way. Just like the women these days talk and inflouence each other. i.e, "xaawo" says to her friend "naayaa why do U stay with him, he is no good... U should threw him out like I did... see the way I live my life now... et" and she does the same way becouse the pain becomes unbearable, she feels not understood and taken care of by her husband... instead of talking to him, she threws him out et" My point being, our action depend on the enviroment we are living in, wiether clan culture, reagon culture or simply another country. Sorry if I didn't make any sence...

To Jaamac_Bootaan You know what you should do Ilhaan! Print yourself a picture of a bum or any other lowlife from the computer and stick it on a place you'll see when you study!! Looooooooooooooooool eheheheheehheehe <------- falling of the chair laughing. You're funy walahi, maybe that will help, but I never thought it could go that bad with me. But Mathematics or science is easy you don't have to read it if you understand than there's no way you'll forget it I swear THAT is exactely me, I mean math is following rules and understanding, but when it comes to reading big tekst and they don't even want U to memorise it, but show that U understand by writing the answer differently then it's written on the books. :confused: just thinking about it makes my head hurt. .....if that doesn't motivate you than you can ask your parents to beat the crap out of you if they don't see you in your room studying for at least 2 hours. Lol. U must be lucky enough to have your parents beside U, but remember.... as U grow older U won't be living with them, or maybe your wifey will take their place and beat the....... Thanks for the advice though, Ill begun my search for that picture

To Jaamac_Bootaan You know what you should do Ilhaan! Print yourself a picture of a bum or any other lowlife from the computer and stick it on a place you'll see when you study!! Looooooooooooooooool eheheheheehheehe <------- falling of the chair laughing. You're funy walahi, maybe that will help, but I never thought it could go that bad with me. But Mathematics or science is easy you don't have to read it if you understand than there's no way you'll forget it I swear THAT is exactely me, I mean math is following rules and understanding, but when it comes to reading big tekst and they don't even want U to memorise it, but show that U understand by writing the answer differently then it's written on the books. :confused: just thinking about it makes my head hurt. .....if that doesn't motivate you than you can ask your parents to beat the crap out of you if they don't see you in your room studying for at least 2 hours. Lol. U must be lucky enough to have your parents beside U, but remember.... as U grow older U won't be living with them, or maybe your wifey will take their place and beat the....... Thanks for the advice though, Ill begun my search for that picture

Assalamu aleykum wr. wb. I think it's great topic and it helps to read different ways of studying for an exam becouse then either U can relate to some of the ways to study or U can be inspired by them and try. Personally, I'm the laysiest student ever, but I find my selv lucky, some how I make through exams. I can't make my selv go to the desk, sitt and stay reading, I feel like going to the toilet or to the kitchen to get food or just "look shortly" on the TV. the weirdest things come to my mind. Result being, having really SHORT time reading for exam (a day or two). can some 1 relate to that and maybe give me advice!! Stre8 C-student(who wants to aprove)

Assalamu aleykum wr. wb. I think it's great topic and it helps to read different ways of studying for an exam becouse then either U can relate to some of the ways to study or U can be inspired by them and try. Personally, I'm the laysiest student ever, but I find my selv lucky, some how I make through exams. I can't make my selv go to the desk, sitt and stay reading, I feel like going to the toilet or to the kitchen to get food or just "look shortly" on the TV. the weirdest things come to my mind. Result being, having really SHORT time reading for exam (a day or two). can some 1 relate to that and maybe give me advice!! Stre8 C-student(who wants to aprove)

Asalamu aleykum wr. wb. Dear Intuition. It happened to me aswell and after wondering who the h**l signed me up, I unsupscriped. I must say it did not surprise me that such a website might exist, but the surprise was that it didn't exist. Surely anybody would wonder if this is some trick to "what ever". I would warn people about that particular "website" About meeting others online, I think it's a wast of time, since U can never get to know the other person unless they are 100% honest about them selfs, that is when U can decide if U match and go from there or drop it. So, how can U trust any1 U don't know!! for all U care he can have 3wives and 20 kids. or she can be married with kids and husband and just playing tricks with U or wasting time with U. My opinion is, take your time if U want to give it a try and know the risks. otherwise U can take your chance with some1 real and atleast U have no regret if things don't work out. What ever Ur choice, good luck to all who are seeking.

Asalamualeykum wr.wb! might I say I'm really proud of my generation. It seems that we are really doing our best, although some are lost. I hope they join us sooner or later. Well, I study Nursing and to be honest, I choose it becouse of it's international opputunety to get a job anywhere. I started to enjoy it now becouse everytime I read and learn about how the human body is build, I thank Allah and be even more aware of the miracle of "humanbody" truly Allah is the Greatest. Keep up the good work my brothers and sisters.

Dear Nazra! Asalamu aleykum wr. wb. after that, sis I think it's great to see more and more of our women trying hard to develope and conterput to their future. Keep the hard work. I'm studying Nurse and I'm in my first year, I must say it's very hard and I'm glad to have made it so far. There are few other Somali ladies who are in their second and some third year. After talking to them, they insured me that the first year IS the hardest and it gets easier, but the Nurse Education is tough enough as it is. Sis I have three children and on topp of that I'm a single mother studying Nurse fulltime. My point being, U say U are 19 and U want to get married and U are wondering if that will effect your study, correct me if I'm wrong. There is a proverb saying "where there is a will, there is a way" and I take it as if U really want it, U can make it happen to compare it both, but U have to expect it will be tough if U add children to the responsebility. What I would advice U is to find a man who is understanding and supporting of your goals in life. U are only 19 and U have only two years left, so U can get married but hold on to having children yet. maybe U can have one when U finish the last year and see how it goes, but my advice again is to finish your school, but get married if U find that one man who is and feels like your soulmate, it would be a shame to let him go. Good luck and I hope I helped somehow.

Dear Nazra! Asalamu aleykum wr. wb. after that, sis I think it's great to see more and more of our women trying hard to develope and conterput to their future. Keep the hard work. I'm studying Nurse and I'm in my first year, I must say it's very hard and I'm glad to have made it so far. There are few other Somali ladies who are in their second and some third year. After talking to them, they insured me that the first year IS the hardest and it gets easier, but the Nurse Education is tough enough as it is. Sis I have three children and on topp of that I'm a single mother studying Nurse fulltime. My point being, U say U are 19 and U want to get married and U are wondering if that will effect your study, correct me if I'm wrong. There is a proverb saying "where there is a will, there is a way" and I take it as if U really want it, U can make it happen to compare it both, but U have to expect it will be tough if U add children to the responsebility. What I would advice U is to find a man who is understanding and supporting of your goals in life. U are only 19 and U have only two years left, so U can get married but hold on to having children yet. maybe U can have one when U finish the last year and see how it goes, but my advice again is to finish your school, but get married if U find that one man who is and feels like your soulmate, it would be a shame to let him go. Good luck and I hope I helped somehow.