This is indeed a personal cry for help. I am in love with this girl, I have been with her for about a year and a half.
I have a stable job and she just graduated and working in retail. I would love to marry her and cannot imagine being with anyone else.
I have some money saved up, around 7k, and I have a job secured abroad where I have a house. Looks like I'm all set right? No.
My girlfriend has asked me for a dowry, a hefty 10k dowry and she also wishes to have a wedding. In Somali culture, the groom would normally have to pay for everything, this is the normal custom.
In my family, and within my friendship group, a dowry of 10k is unheard of and I would get ridiculed by family, and extended family, and my girlfriend behind closed doors would be labelled a gold digger and I would be labelled as a fool.
My family would not allow it and if I decided to be bold and allow my love for my girl to be resilient and decide to pay her that amount, the backlash I would receive from my family would be bad.
When I explained this to my girlfriend, she retaliated with the same reverse reason, she has two sisters that have been married for at least a 10k dowry, and her family would feel it unjust if her future husband did not prove he was capable of being fiscally responsible and willing to make the investment for her and his future family.
Now ultimately, she knows that I love her, I know she loves me, she knows that if I married her, I would take care of her and our future children, I believe it's her family pressuring her for high standards of this dowry, I explained to her that dowry is not her 'worth' because in my eyes she means everything to me, but my family are very religious and even whispering a 10k dowry would give them a heart attack.
I've said to her that realistically I can push to 5k, she has refused. I don't want to make her sound money hungry because I know her and she isn't, I genuinely believe that me and her do love each other but because of our huge love for our families we don't want to sacrifice their disappointment for our love.
We have ended things because of this, but I miss her and I don't know what to do, I could raise up the funds in about a year, but that would mean a year apart (as I'm working abroad) but should I have to do that?
