NGONGE: Since I said "I think it takes an incredibly tolerant woman in this day and age to concede to such a marriage.", I'll assume you were talking about my post. Well I didn't say that it wasn't 'right', just that more and more women wouldn't accept such a marriage these days. Like you said, times change, and while Islam may remain constant, people however DO change, and may choose not to do things that permissable in Islam but that are also OPTIONAL. I recognise that there lots of women out there who are more than happy with their husbands marrying another woman, and for whom it is more beneficial than a different kind of marriage. I can understand you want to protect yourself from getting hurt But what about your children they too are the victims often left with so many unexplained questions shouldnt you be taking their feelings into consideration. ... Not all children get alone with their step fathers and vice versa you cant assume things will workout. First of all, a marriage in which one of the parents is miserable doesn't do the children any favours. A woman may have responsibilities as a mother, but she is not exclusively a mother. She is a person too. A person with desires and needs. The best thing a woman can do for her children, if there's no possibility of working things out satisfactorily, is getting a divorce. At least the children won't have to witness the fights, tension between the two wives and the husband, and stubborn silences every morning at breakfast Also, I'd like to think that any sensible mother before she gets remarried, will ensure that her children like their prospective stepdad. Sure there's a real possibility it won't work out, but again, that's not a reason NOT to get a divorce if she's unhappy with sharing a man with another woman. I think the question of whether the man is obliged to ask the first wife permission shouldn't even come up. Any man who even remotely cares about his wife will respect her feelings. If a wife goes to her husband and says "every day I live in this house with you and another woman will be nothing short of HELL and torture to me". And the man goes out and takes another wife anyway, because he believes like some men on this forum, that he doesn't need her permission. What does that say about the kind of man he is?

Edited because of double post

Originally posted by Kynda: XU be good and add the aamiin part like OG..for the prayer to be accepte Salaam with all my heart, aamiin!!

Originally posted by Kynda: [QB] I hope this place doesn't Turn into Somalinet.com That's what I was hoping too.

Well said Intuition Don't know about you girls, but I'm a female, and even I get embarrassed when women breastfeed in public. I don't even like it when they do it in front of me in private. I understand that the baby needs feeding, but the least they could do is cover up. As a mother you should be prepared that your baby might get hungry, before you leave the house.

I don't care what a guy looks like or how much money he has. I want a guy who arrives like a whirlwind to my life, who the second he arrives disassembles my life and exposes everything for what it truly is. I want someone with limitless imagination, who will sweep me into a world which is entirely different than my own. I want a man who can teach me things, important things, things they don't teach you in school, like how to ride a horse backwards or how to be born again every single day. I want a man who isn't afraid of adventures, who is impulsive and mightily intelligent. I want a man I can't manipulate, one who will make me forget about the rest of the world, while teaching me what the world is like. I want a storybook romance, I don't want him to be the prince on the white horse, I want him to be mischievous gypsy cowboy who will kidnap me on my wedding day. You think I read too many romance novels?

I hate being called Nayaa by people who are older than I am. Mostly friends of my parents, when they come over as guests, they always call me nayaa whenever they want some tea. I usually go to them and tell as respectfully as I can (all the while resisting the overwhelming urge to trash them) not to call me that. Sometimes my mom calls me that, and I tell her not to call me that, because she never liked when she was younger. There's an element of inferiority attached to that term. It's as if the person who calls doesn't care who you are, as long as you accede to their demands.

Hey *Lucky*, I like your avatar I think it takes an incredibly tolerant woman in this day and age to concede to such a marriage. Most women who get married, don't get married on the assumption that her husband might one day take another wife. People these days get married so they can exclusively be with each other, that's the intention of most modern marriages. However, for the man to later to decide to marry another, violates this agreement. So regardless of whether Islam accepts this, I think it's unfair for the wife who has to suddenly deal with this dilemma, because that's not what she signed for when she signed that marriage certificate. It's like expecting her to put with her husband's infidelity everyday in her own home, because that's what it will feel like to her. (or me should I ever be in such a situation). However, I respect that some women would see no problem with such an arrangement, or that there those who would encourage it. As long as she was made aware of the possibility in advance. Also, I've heard that some men marry women after their husbands have passed away to take care of them. That in my opinion is not a valid excuse for ruining the current marriage. If the husband can afford to take care of both women equally (as he should if he wants to take another wife), then why can't he just have them move in temporarily while she gets back on her feet. Or give them financial aid if he's so concerned about her. I don't see any reason for marrying her, except of course, if he's in love with her. And really, shouldn't that be the only reason to ever get married, love?

I'm actually a little less expressive on the net. In real life I tend to rant and rant and rant, and when I'm finished, I rant some more. Also in real life I'm not as concious about my spelling, since I'm speaking rather than writing. I tend to fuss over grammar and spelling when I'm writing, and such completely irrelevant things as coherence I don't know about you guys, but I'm a really good people-reader, so I find it slightly unsettling to talk frankly about my feelings to someone online, as I can't see their facial expressions.

Oh I thought 'friends' were a last resort, when all else fails Nah, men in the UK, or at least London, aren't all that great. They must share their pick-up lines or something, because they all the same ones.

You know, I have to admit that in the past I had some quite harsh opinions about Somali men in general. These days I've come round a little, and I have concluded that it is just the men of my generation that I don't like. You can say that I am generalising here, but I am 20 years, and in all this time, I must have met thousands of young Somali men, and I have utterly disliked every single one of them. It's not that I have an inherent aversion towards Somali men, but the ones that I have met were of such low calibre that I can't help but wonder whether intelligent witty non-possesive Somali men exist. It could be that all the wonderful Somali men are moving in different circles (and perhaps in different dimensions) or maybe that my estimation of Somali men rings true on a certain level? I don't know. Or maybe they all live in America and I might have to consider a holiday there?

I'm not saying that constructing a state according to the principles of Islam wouldn't be beneficial, but that most likely it wouldn't work, only because people are much too caught up in their petty conflicts for it to ever work. Once people have learned that tribes are just names and mean absolutely nothing, then they would be in the frame of mind to accept that every muslim is their brother or sister, not their enemy. And in this case, I would be a 'sister'.

Hey there, not entirely sure if this topic has been done recently. Anyway, I have been lurking for a bit, and I'm surprised to find a Somali forum where most posters don't type in txt speak (no offense to those who passionately believe that 'dat' is an acceptable substitute for 'that'). So, it would be just dandy if you lot could give me the goods on yourselves (nothing too kinky mind you). So I can get a feel of the kind of people who come here a lot. Just tell me: - where you're from, - Your sex (for those with unisexual names) - Occupation (you can lie about this if you like ) - What you do when you think people aren't looking? - Favorite music - General interests, etc. I'm Xu, Somali chick from London who doesn't know whether she's a goth or a punk . Student, studying Film Studies because nobody is making any films that are even remotely appealing to me (cabin fever anyone?). I like my Science Fiction/Fantasy, I'm a nutter for comics and I wear my Geek Badge with the pride and social inadequacy that is expected of me. I talk to my big fluffy stuffed toys when no one else is around. *ahem* I'm into all sorts of music really, mostly metal and punk. I don't like to admit it, but whenever some country music comes one, I don't always turn it off. Furthermore, when I'm not supposed to be working, I'll play PS2 games, write a bit or go to watch a film that I hate so I can moan about it How about you guys?

I think we all know that if we had a nation founded on and maintained by the principles of Islam, it could be called Utopia. At the moment, I don't think there is one single country in the world whose administration adheres completely to Islam, and thus are flawed. Islam is perfect, people however are not. I would say that the problem isn't religion. Somalia is has a higher precentage of practising muslims than most muslim countries (last time I checked, it was around 98%), yet it is one of the most divided. The problem is the qabiils, and apparently there is this hate between the tribes that must have been festering for centuries. Dividing the country up in little semi-autonomous states a la UK or the US, won't get rid of the animosity between the tribes. Because whether instinctively or deliberately, all the parties will be composed of several tribes, who have the majority stake in a party. So, the ruling party, will also be the ruling tribe. Do you think the other parties will happily tolerate that? No, they will claim conspiracy and blame the electoral victory on harvesting votes from their own people. Nobody could disagree that division has lead us to this current state, so the cause couldn't possibly function as the solution. I say get rid of division, make any mention of qabiils illegal, erase it from official documents and arrest anyone who incites hatred against those from other qabiils. Once there is no more division, people will have no choice but to resort to unity.