The Perfect Couple Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man! **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep reading. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. **** Men Keep reading By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: WOMEN NEVER LISTEN!

Sperm Count An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow." The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open." it is not the words that courrup the mind, but the mind that courrups the words

The Old Man's Physical A 70yearold man goes to the doctor's for a physical. The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, ''Well, everything seems to be in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection with God?'' And the man says, ''Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off.'' Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished. He called the man's wife and said, ''I'd like to speak to you about your husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again when he leaves. Is this true?'' And she says, ''That ***** , he's been peeing in the refrigerator!''

Old Woman Fights Back An old woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building. A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio - Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!" The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!" About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eyes, bends over, and lets out a most foul-smelling fart. She leaves the stunned women in a cloud of funk, saying "Broccoli - 49 cents a pound."

hibo i don't think people have a difficulty describing the ideal, it is just a little too much, to specific to be possible, as all humans have faults. pluz : what u want and who u want changes by the day if not hour!! lol personally i'll just settle for good knowledge of deen +acting on it, good character, pleasant lookin/ attractive; impossible to find; but den again i have not really looked; hey besbaaso good luck; critaria is bit long sis!!

salam Sakina; maybe u should read the post before u sis!! many of ur questions have already been adressed, the additional one's that have not be answered i will answer, once u tell me what you think of the answers in the thread inshallah. it will save time, effor and going round in circles which is all i seem to be doing since i joined SOL. salam

lol; teenage pregnancies u say......... well duh guys can't get pregnant we can’t draw up a comparison, may be gurls wanna have kids at young age!! anyhow i wz just kiddin u...Pluz the statistic does not account for xalimo's and farahs, so it cannot be generalized. relax a little, “You have to be sensible and stop this superiority comlex that seems to have overcome some young Somali girls nowadays.†I’m gonna ignore that because the issue is not intelligence or young Somali chicks (does not include me) it is smoking.... i'm sure stoic will like to remain focus on dat. and stoic may u be rewarded for ur efforts!

keep ur hair on; my fault for saying anything in a thread dominated by farah's since less xalimos smoke; anyway get over it. i'm not making a new statement, it is a known fact (at least in the UK) dat gurls are smarter than boys even in primary school. no worries there is hope for u guys they say; especially in the mechanics field!

i though women were always smarter den men :confused: but wid some xalimos u can never be sure!! good advice for the smokers though; give me all ur fags!!!! i'll get a refund and pocket da money---i'll be so rich-- i'll be a mail bill gates

I dont blv them but I still wont go [/QB] u sure!! just do ur prays and go, make duca and go, nothing will happen to!1 inshallah put ur trust in allah he will look after u, and nothing will harm you

i thought the whole purpose of SOL, wz so people can share different ideas and information, even though i'm currently getting the picture that it is also a dating agency!! i liked it, but maybe because i'm a politics student, it wz helpful thanks kruella

salamah: subxanaallah thats something to say the least, beware of multimedia message, some information that are circulated are mostly untrue; allah knows best, and he can make anything happen. the moral of the story is don't disrespect the quran; i guess when i wz little my edo tol me that a women did something to the quran and her mouth "baa qaloacisamiy" (her mouth sort of bended) but i have never heard anything even similar or that comes close to that story. naacudu biilah; salamz;

salamz; hey hibo' i agree sis; true say salamz

salam all quruxleey (long name) hey nice topic good on u sis/bro i agree wid u on da dirac (i love it, only at weddings though) hehehe hibo, now i know why u clean ur home:: lol hey even i'm proud of our culture; and i get told off the most for not following it in my family; it does have its ups and downs, but i think that our people are the really nice people (when they want to be) when u need help, ur not shy to ask a strange Mali, just say look adeer or edoo i need.... and they real do love each other, even if i saw a mali person i dislike in trouble i'll help them just because they are mail, i also find my self sticking up for them in fornt of other races, making a billion and one excuses for all the farah's and xalimo's. but hey i'm sure they'll do the same for me!! in short i think we all love each other;; even the half lost, new generation (dat includes me so don't attack) salamz

salamz Rayaan so sweet ur litttle pic. lol when i wz little, i went to madrass frm school everyday, and i use to wear a hija, when i come out i use to take it off and give it my edo!! i use to wear western clothin to say the least, to school, until one day wearing the worst possible thing u can wear (my school uniform; mini skirt and shirt) i bumped into my madraa teacher who is also my only mahram in LOndon!! and he neraly had a heart attack when he saw me!! by then i wz about 14 or something!! but the thing is i do believe that parents should tell tehir gurls to wear a hijab, just not force them!! the best thing to do is give them knowledge, my edo paid for islamic teacher to come to us frm the age of 5, and she drilled it into our heads, but she never forced us to do anything, she wz like u no it is wrong, u know the punishment, so i can't watch u 24/7, but allah is and it is him u need to fear not me!! where as all the other somali gurls i knew use to get forced to wear long dresses and hijabs and the whole lot and i use to see them getting changed at street corners!! in fact the ladies that use to gossip about me and how lost i wz compared to their daughters, when their daughters reached 18-20 they started doing all the things i did when i wz 13-16, while i started to fix up and look sharp! now dey always say make dua from my daughter to reform like u did. so don't force educate, if you force they are either gonna act like a child when dey are 20 and u no longer have fully control or they are gonna hide frm u and do it. but u need limits, and even i had my limits; heck; i still do; lol; even if i get married and have kids my edo will still treat me like she treats me now!! she has the last say on certain things and i won't disagree, not because i'm afraid but because i can see her point of view and i don't wanna disrespect her! salamz

salamz: sahal: sorry my bad, i did't see that in the thread, might be another one. it depends of what individual u are talking about when u say "they" alot of people say they are things they are not!! so it is best to focus on individuals rather than groups; dats my policy; and i will always double check any new information i get even if the sources say i'm a salaf wid one that i trust; the reason i said it is not a group is the follow: 1) there is no one leader, or founder of the a xizib/party; although the prophet (PBUP) was the first to use it when he said to fadumo i am ur salaf; 2) they don't have party policy or agend's on the side; for example a lot of groups have a party policy direction towards building a khalifa. 3) the word it self describes the actions of people, rather than the name or the group or the founder, which differes it frm the existing groups!! in any case the ulum's said that as it is not good to attach ur self to any group, saying i follow salafiya takes you out of all groups and distinguish u frm deviant groups, and so that you know who to take ur knowledge frm.. salamz

thanks hibo, ur a darlin and i won't ask u again, so thank you!! hey my somali is get better since i joined dis place, but it takes me yrs to read one sentence, den have to find dem somali english dictionary to find da meaning of every other word!! by then u don't wanna know, the mood has died!! i've never needed to speak or read somali (apart frm the aayoos at da mosque; all dey ever ask is ma fincianah, and salam iigu dehi iislamih (are u okay, say hi to the old ladies for me) and few other questions or two!! but i'm going back next summer and watch my somali will be much better den urs inshallah (if dats possible it looks like a somali book frm 1970s) salam

looooooooooooool hibo, going frm UK to US for a decent gurl... ur kiddin right... dey are as bad as each other... in fact it seems that UK gurls are more into dere deen; pluz US is the mother of all evil, so i would think ppl over dere have more chance of fallin off da boat. just kiddin no fight plz i though it wz me, dere are soooooooo many somalis in london now frm ARab countries and other european countries, no to forget the Asians, have not seen any frm US. so gurls in london dive for cover!! salamz

salamz rahima: it is possible to have a job and a family without doing one or the other badly; personally i would not work if i knew that meant i wz not being a good mother; in fact i would take off a couple of years (dats at least 10 ) to have kids and look after them to age where they are at school for half day or full time and then u can work ur working hours around them!! but it is hard and there will always be something missing i grew up wid my brother and mum single mum and she worked frm when i wz 5 and my brother wz 9, but she worked while we were at school and when we got home she wz dere cookin and and all, but she wz often tired and over worked; but we both (me and my bro, turned out fine; with the exception of baby somali at old age!) so it can be done. but you have to be committed and hard workin; either way it depends on the job, flexibility, and stress level salamz

wow, u guys have it twisted; or maybe i do; i though bad boys were people who do dere own thing regardless of what others thing (hence they we labelled bad boys for not following the trend)dey normally have a little crew dat runs around for them, treating them like a big boss!! with this definition; i think the followed is better than the follower

rayaan; not fair, to attack my somali in public; i'm gonna tell mummy.... and no its not the religious ones, or they will no that it is a no go zone; its the farah ones, u no bad baabd english, more culture in them than anything else, with the western ideology of a girlfriend!! miskiin Smilez lol yeah i total agree; i forgot that one!! or they say my son/daughter is nice and dey are dis and dat.. den u seem em on road, and dey are just another hood rat, doing god knows wat

can u believe these farahs and xalimos; no one replied to my post, u guys too ashmed.... i though of some more but as no one is adding anything to it, i'll leave it as it is. and why are u reading all da way down here!! (u can tell i'm bored)

salamz: you don't get it it is not bad boys gurls want; they want a nice boy, that is a bit of a thug, you don't want someone that always agrees,thinks ur da whole world, too much attention hurts ur heart; instead they have disagree sometimes, have their own life and personality, and have somewhere to go when u have one of them bad days that no matter what he says or does ur gone be pissed off. and at times act like u don't care. the nice nice behaviour we expect frm our gurl friends, if the guy has the same qualities, we get confused, start thing something wrong wid you!! :confused:

aah, how sweet, but true, what you need anything else for if you have girlfriends and ur deen (sorry guys, don't feel too unwanted)

hibo not fair we can read ur answer; translate it unless it is a love not to nur salamz