It’s hard. I prayed to god for courage and discernment. I waited. I didn’t date, I didn’t talk to guys on the phone, I had no heterosexual male friends. I waited. If I kept chaste and good. If I refrained from haram relationships and from committing sin, I was told god would provide for me. I was angry at first seeing these other girls marry before me especially seeing as in all honesty they were not my equal. In intelligence, beauty, moral conduct or kindness. After a while I stopped caring. When I met lets call him H (the kinda sort ex, the first Somali male I had met in years) I didn’t even want to get married anymore. I had resigned myself to the fact perhaps that wasn’t my calling--it wasn’t God’s purpose for me. I always wanted to be a mother. So at first I was somewhat sad about not having children but I eventually got over that too. I don’t know why God made me cross paths with a person like him or why he tested me with what followed. But at this point I am honestly indifferent again. I met a nice Ethiopian guy (hariri) through a family friend. The gentlemen I mentioned earlier. A good religious brother, very educated, he has three university degrees (including a professional one), immensely accomplished. Everything I thought I wanted but I just couldn’t give him a chance. At this point I am emotionally drained and exhausted. A lot of the advice people gave me on here was lovely and I thank everyone especially you Hasina. If I should ever change my mind I’ll keep your advice close in particular. I told my mother she hopes I’ll change my mind inshallah we will see what Allah has in plan for me. Again thank you everyone, school has started back up for me so this will be the last you hear from me. It’s going to be hard not replying again seeing as I am oh so Canadian and feel horrible whenever I do or say something that might be misconstrued as rude by another. Peace and Love! Xoxoxo -S

Somalis used to have xishood and akhlaq once upon a time. They used to hide their sins, not boast them. It is a sad state of affairs these days. I hope this young man and he is still relatively young regains his iman and good name.

Inshallah I will have the heart to give it another try, someday. As of now, I'm just going to focus on my studies. I really don't have time for a relationship right now, I brush my teeth in the shower to save time! The last several weeks have been gruelling, I've never been so panick stricken and overwhelmed in my life! Thank god for extensions and understanding profs! Working+School=:*( I'm going to finish up school and do some travelling--traipse around the world with some of my friends! Just going to focus on fulfilling some personal goals and aspirations! I plan on continuing my education and getting a PHD! Inshallah!

Thank you for your kind words sister. When I made this post I did so because I was heartbroken and angry. I was led on and lied to by a predatory and morally bankrupt man. I think the experience has considerably worsened my trust issues. Inshallah one day I'll be able to try again. I recently found out [after meeting and communicating with a nice man] I'm still too hurt and distrustful to start this process again.

Thanks for the advice walaal but my family will not allow me to travel to Africa. No one to accompany me (they're pretty disconnected from all things Somali) and no immediate family in said continent!

They played my parent's wedding! <3

I never said he had to have three degrees? But the guy who I wasted six months on had three degrees and fell in that age bracket? He sorta just fell out of the sky and unto my path. Right now I have three 20 page papers, a presentation and work. Inshallah. When I have some free time I'll take a walk about and see if it's raining men again?

Thanks again, inshallah kheyr! I think I'm going to hold steadfast and follow your advice! It's nice to have a male perspective seeing as I don't have a dad or any brothers. My paternal uncles are xasid and seem loathe to see me do better than their own children. Quite unfortunate. My older female is cousin is 29 this year and they don't seem to care about her situation at all! Despite her wanting to marry and expressing such a interest for several years now!

I know you love her, I imagined myself to be in love once (it was unrequited which was dandy seeing as he was wholly inappropriate) and know how that can be! But I think you need to let her go...If she loved you and wanted you above all, you could give her a ring pop or a piece of twine to wrap around her finger and she run with you to the masjid gladly! Let her have her splashy wedding for instagram. I'm sure you'll find someone with a little more substance and less feathers.

So a follow up question say I do meet a Somali guy in the future and he asks me out on a date? Should I go? My mum thinks I should and that no guy these days would marry a girl without going on Western dates! I'm more conservative than she is and I think it would be wrong for a hijabi to be seen out on a date? I know a couple of girls who married without ever going on a date but those girls were Arab? So how is "dating" looked at in the Somali community and among marriage minded men?

I want to thank the brothers and sisters who gave me sincere advice! May Allah reward you, to clear something up my reference to some of the guys around campus being toddler status is a reference to our age disparity. Most those guys are young undergrads (18-21)--I have no interest in that age bracket. I teach tutorials with students that age at my university. There are no guys of our ethnic background in my program or the grad lounge. I'll try to expand my social circle, I do want to marry Somali if I didn't I would have taken the other non Somali Muslim men I know into consideration.

Please don't dm me anyone I'm not trying to find a guy on here, just looking for advice! Ps. No Somali guys in my program. And all the guys who look at me on campus are toddler status.

It's late and I'm in my feelings. So I'm sorry if this comes off as desperate. I'm just at my wits end! I need my Somali sisters to give me some advice! I'm on the fast track to spinsterhood y'all. I'm looking for a Somali guy, one who is serious and ready for marriage. What I'm looking for: Deen, good character, height, a university education, a young professional. Between 26-31 I'm 26, I have two university degrees, currently working on my Masters, pretty, kinda whitewashed, hijabi going on three years, I pray five times a day, not the greatest cook. I didn't grow up around other Somalis and my mum is no help on this matter. I'm estranged from my dad's family (he died when I was young). I have two Somali female friends both date out and are no help either. I have never been on date or has a boyfriend. I talked to one dude but he was a liar and wasted six months of my life. So girls where do I meet a good dude and how can I differentiate a serious prospect from a time waster?

Good program! Both girls were articulate and good representatives of our community. To the people who will smack talk the one who said she's not practicing--kick rocks! I didn't start practicing until I was twenty-two, there is still a chance she might too. Some parents don't force hijab or prayers on their children they're wise enough to know one should do the aforementioned only to please Allah. They're right to stress education and independence, these days somali marriages end over a cup of shax or when he flees to garrowe after stabbing someone. When he up and disappears, you need to able to support you and yours! I'm working on my second degree inshallah afterward I'm going to get another professional degree. You do you too!

I know a girl who has been married for a year and some change (she also has just given birth). She recently confided in me that certain educated reer magal girls of our acquaintance have been calling/texting/e-mailing her husband. They have been doing this throughout their courtship/marriage/her pregnancy. She doesn't know if they want her completely out of the picture or simply want to be his little halal bit on the side. These girls were all at her freaking wedding! I feel really bad for her but I also somewhat commiserate with said girls. The educated guur halal wanting Somali women far outnumber the men in my city (Toronto). The competition here for good men is fierce, I have seen lifelong girlfriends become bitter enemies after fall out over a dude. The dudes here are either the 'known to police' types, asexual wadads or gassed up player types who who talk to multiple women at a time/string you along with false hope and a couple hadiths. <<--The ones who break up friendships! //end of novel