<cite> @Alpha Blondy said:</cite> Reverse culture shock: What, when, and how to cope Moving home isn't always easy – many who repatriate feel different and utterly out of touch. This article explains what happens when culture shock is reversed, what to expect, and how to cope with its effects. Just like expatriation, repatriation has its psychological phases that are unexpected and daunting. Most notably, encountering reverse culture shock when returning home is a surprising situation that's overlooked by both expats returning and their businesses calling to come home. Like culture shock, reverse culture shock has a number of stages; imagine this to be a U-shape curve. At first, you may be excited to return home – seeing friends and family members, wearing the rest of your wardrobe, and eating at your favourite restaurants. This initial euphoria eventually wears off, and that's when you find yourself feeling out of place in your own culture. This is the experience of reverse culture shock; it's the bottom of the curve and often the roughest part. The good news is, although it may take time, you will begin a gradual adjustment back towards feeling comfortable with where and whom you are. How reverse culture shock happens “Reverse culture shock is experienced when returning to a place that one expects to be home but actually is no longer, is far more subtle, and therefore, more difficult to manage than outbound shock precisely because it is unexpected and unanticipated,” says Dean Foster, founder and president of DFA Intercultural Global Solutions, a firm that specialises in intercultural training and coaching worldwide. Foster explains that expats learn over their time in a host country “...to behave and think like the locals, to greater or lesser degrees, while on international assignment.” “By the time most traditional international assignments come to an end several years may have passed, providing the international assignee a significant amount of time to learn new patterns of behavior and thought necessary to fit into their host country.” Foster points out that expats returning home are “shocked into the realisation that they have in fact changed substantially, usually when they encounter their home culture upon repatriating. Both they and their home culture have changed, and this is often the first time that expats have had the opportunity to experience any of these changes.” What is reverse culture shock? As strange as it sounds, expats become less and less familiar with their home stomping grounds. Returning brings a blanket of fog on perception, like an audience member walking around in a setting that’s familiar but still unreal. Robin Pascoe, author of Homeward Bound, writes: “Re-entry shock is when you feel like you are wearing contact lenses in the wrong eyes. Everything looks almost right.” Simply put, being an expat is such a lengthy and deep international experience it brings about great professional and personal changes. Old norms and values from your home country are viewed from a fresh perspective, and expats and their families see things in a new light; something like Dorothy going from black and white to Technicolor. In addition, expats can begin to feel frustrated or confused when their close friends and family are anything but curious and intrigued about their experience. After all, the expat was gone to a foreign land for years, with sights, sounds and smells exotic and new. Expats returning home can expect their top re-entry challenges being: Boredom No one wants to listen You can’t explain Reverse homesickness Relationships have changed People see 'wrong' changes People misunderstand you Feelings of alienation Inability to apply new knowledge and skills Loss/compartmentalisation of experience (According to Dr. Bruce La Brack from the School of International Studies at University of the Pacific.) How to deal with reverse shock Share your experience with others Although you might feel like no one wants to listen, there will be close ones who will support you with open ears and honest interest. Start a blog, contact friends you made as an expat, or write articles – find new ways to incorporate your urge to share stories with an audience who will listen intently. Maintain your style and stay international Things might be different, people (including yourself) might have changed, but this doesn’t mean a 'repat' should give up character and interest learned from abroad just to fit in. Maintain your lifestyle, from the food you ate abroad to the nature of your evolving personality. “Remember that being flexible and expecting the unexpected helped you get through the difficult times abroad. The same attitude can help you back home,” says the Office of International Studies at Northeastern University. “Reverse culture shock is a transition, and an important learning experience. Use this time to rebuild relationships, interests, and your new worldly self.” Keeping an international perspective is a special skill not to take for granted or put away. Read international magazines and foreign newspapers, or access news from your host country via websites and forums. Ask for training From an occupational point of view, to help expats have a successful repatriation Foster recommends training courses not just for the employee but the entire family that is returning. “It needs to involve the HR [human resources] department at least six months prior to the return, so that the company can ensure a position for the repats that value their new skills. Repatriation training helps the entire family adjust to the fact that they have all changed significantly while on international assignment,” says Foster. “Training will assess and value those changes, and see the ways their home country has changed while they were abroad.” In the end, the transition requires patience and even more of an open mind than before. Careful preparation will ease the bumps experienced on the ride home for the entire family. Brace yourself for the shock and enjoy the unique thrills of seeing your home from this different and, in a sense 'far out', perspective. --- http://www.expatica.com/uk/moving-to/Moving-home-Reverse-culture-shock_104957.html --- interesting article on RCS. A good piece, will be sharing it further. Thanks Alpha.

<cite> @winnie said:</cite> Hi SOL nomads, salam aleykum My problem is two fold. One, I deal with passive aggressive co workers. I seriously do not know how to deal with them. The work gossip has gone to a ridiculous level that the manager had a meeting about it. The response? More gossip. How did I find out? A passive aggressive comment, of course. This one was directed at me and suggested that I am the tattle tale. Meanwhile, I know there has been talk about me but I don't care enough to address it. I don't value these people's opinions. Which brings me to my second problem, how to live with dignity. I am an anomaly. I am also familiar with bullies, and being different then the crowd but as an adult, there is the expectation to treat situations and people like a sensical, capable adult would. Anyways, without going into detail about my life, I feel like I do not belong in this world. I feel like a stranger wherever I go and this feeling is so pervasive it is affecting my health. Wacalaikum salaam. Hello Winnie, I love your name Every story has two sides and i'm reading yours right now. As I don't know the whole story i'll give you general advice. We all know it takes two to tango so in other words it's never entirely 1 persons fault of an argument or fight as you need action for a reaction to happen and simply because one can't have a fight or argument with themselves. With that being said you need to go back to that situation in your mind and try to recall what you did and said and the same for the other person and take it from there. Usually if you do this right the answer will come to you and you will know where things went wrong. From there on you need to be brave enough to iniate a conversation with the person to talk things out. If you don't nip it in the bud by addressing it, guess what ignoring the problem does not make it go away it only gets bigger and gets uglier ways and that's exactly what happened in your workplace. Misunderstandings happen when people don't communicate. It's important to be open and honest with your coworkers and all be civil and have a professional friendship, that can't happen if the communication lines are closed. You don't need to be besties but just being civil and getting along with each other is fine. At the end of the day most people spend 8 hours a day at work so it becomes our second home/family so we might as well make some effort at making things work and having a pleasant working environment. I get the impression that you avoid problems and don't address it and things escalate from there on. Also you don't make an effort to have a professional friendship with your coworkers which results in you being distant and hostile and having a me against them mentality. You need to put yourself out there by that I mean don't be afraid to let people get to know the real you the authentic you. That's the reason why you feel a stranger because you don't share your feelings, thoughts and emotions with people so you automatically think that things and problems are only unique to you when in fact it isn't. In general, people are not drawn to perfection in others. People are drawn to shared interests, shared problems and an individual's life energy. Humans connect with humans. Hiding one's humanity and trying to project an image of perfection makes a person vague, slippery, lifeless and uninteresting. The best thing to do is some soul searching, meditation and mindfulness. Take some time to get to know and work on yourself. That is the key to living a life in dignity. It's being at peace with yourself in a world full of chaos and not letting it affect you. There's nothing better then being the best version of yourself. Happiness isn't the absence of problems it's the ability to deal with them. Never forget that whatever good and bad that happens in your life especially the bad it's a test from Allah and always say alhamdulilah. Have patience and know that it's temporary and your sins are getting erased. Keep your head up darling and good luck with everything. Don't give up things will get better inshallah after hardship comes ease.

Congratulations to Ahmed Hussen for paving the way for Somali Canadians.

That acting though. This woman swings both ways whenever it suits her. Loool at Tallaabo

Mooge i've always been against second wife and those homewrecker men. Have always stated my opinion nothing new here. You just found out about it lol.

Perhaps he's witholding information from us. Knowing him he wouldn't skip on a chance like this. My destination?! That was a joke I don't think he was serious at the time. You can say that again tahrib is tough.

Loool Mooge that's what they call a career switch The food looks delicious too bad I don't eat it anymore. Give me ginger tea any day without the milk and sugar of course.

2030 ah?! Way too far how many millions have died by then. They need a solution right now.

Tahrib is very dangerous for single women and women with children. Women need to stop going on tahrib let the men go. It's easy for such vulnerable women to fall prey for such creepy perverts. If Nauru is a unsafe place for women and children then why do they keep sending them there doesn't make any sense. Australia is part of the problem and thus responsible. Mooge - Nauru Island is an island near Australia on the pacific ocean.

Yeah you have to be bold and courageous and take a shot at love and not be afraid but yet many people are afraid of love. I used to be afraid of love too in the past not anymore though. Your friend is right about being more interested in someone's mind then their body as you get older. Too bad he realised that in huis 50s and not sooner, hey better late then never. Beauty fades away and your mind doesn't. At the end of the day it's all about who makes a good companion for you with their beautiful character/personality and beautiful soul years from now. If you have found such person from the start hold on to that golden person and never let go. Personally I find a beautiful mind and soul sexy, I don't care that much about looks beauty is in the eye of the beholder anyways. Galbeedi my friend you can have it both, a successful career and a good family it's not impossible. Lastly thank you for your advice towards me and my search I appreciate your wise words and life experience. Was nice chatting to you aswell <cite> @Tallaabo said:</cite> Minyaro is the glamourised term used to describe the under age victim of sexual abuse by a fat, ugly, bald, 50 plus year old, useless father of a dozen kids who abandoned his long suffering wife and children. Thank you Tallaabo You described them so accurately. I despise such men.

Cheers darling I'm not suprised you like confident women because you are always so supporting and positive about women. Well that makes you confident aswell because only a confident man likes a confident woman. You see a insecure man is afraid and feels intimidated by a confident woman.

Lool at blueleey I like it When I was younger I always wondered why Somali women were so large and heavy especially after 30 and having kids. Until I found out it was a combination of eating unhealthy and physically being inactive. I've seen plenty women who have kids and are slim or normal. Food can either accelerate your natural aging process or slow down. There are certain foods that accelerate and certain foods that slow down the aging. There is nothing more to it. Food and excercise is the key to staying young and healthy oh yeah and also taking good care of your skin. Food is either your medicine or your poison. I wanna become a vegan read and seen alot about it, right now i'm half vegan. Mooge we need to see her food diary lol

They are mentally unstable and crazy. Don't forget the financial problems of maintaining the addiction, being addictive is expensive even more so if you are poor. All drug users are people who run away from their real life problems and responsibilities and escape by being in high state. Mooge I don't know any khat addicts or dealers at all. I don't understand how some people can glorify a plant that stands for destruction. Destruction of your mind, body, breakdown of families etc.. I don't like smokers either especially the chain smokers who puff anywhere and everywhere, plus it gives me a headache guess i'm sensitive to the chemicals inside of it.

Mooge niyoow answer my question.

Mooge, yes that's David Bowie's daughter. She looks so much like him. Most girls look like their mother only a few look like their father. You are right, a black and white combo results in tanned skin which is beautiful. Latino's have that naturally tanned skin and hot men. Iman looks gorgeous for 60 years holy moly that woman aged gracefully one hot mamacita. I need to know her secret so I can look that great in case I reach her age inshallah.

Hey Alpha. Me & Wyre?! Noooo man.

Galbeedi you misunderstood or didn't read what I said clearly. Nowhere did I advocate for seeking perfection for there is no such thing as perfection. In fact it was me who said the following on page 1: " There’s no perfect person we all have imperfections, flaws and emotional baggage some more or less then others. We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. I respect a person who’s got the courage to tell their weaknesses and strengths. Who’s not afraid to tell how messed up and broken they are. Emery Allen put it beautifully. You don’t need another human being to make your life complete, but let’s be honest. Having your wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in your soul but cracks to put their love into is the most calming thing in this world. – Emery Allen " That's so true that some people are too smart to get married I wanted to mention that aswell but somehow I forgot. I find myself being too smart to get married reason being I just know too much and therefore I can't settle down with certain people who have certain characteristics and personalities oh hell no. The less you know about dangers and people the more people you would accept them due to you being oblivious. We see that around us all the time that's how life is. For the rest I agree with everything else you said except the second wife bit. You think of a second wife? Tut tut tut... you gonna end up dead lol. In this time we live in many men can't even support their first wifes let alone take a second. I find it a laughing matter to be honest if someone is rich it's understandable but not when you're a average Joe or poor and let the government take care of your second wife because you weren't man enough. Often times for a person to think of a second wife there's something lacking in his first marriage or being avoided that's just a fact. Men who have happy good marriages don't think of a second wife because they content and fulfilled. Indeed life is short therefore we should spend it with the right person instead of the wrong person and in order to do that you should weed out all the people that don't match your vibe. What's a minyaro? Do you mean the nikaax gift?

Eww all khat users are off putting what a turn off! Thank God it got banned and people can get their lifes back.

Mooge how are you? Hahahaha you made me laugh, I love that about you that we can always laugh together. Wow you know me well dude I guess we hanged out too much You always bring the sunshine with you too while being so bubbly. Mooge I heared you into feisty women lool. Any truth to that?

MMA - I'm doing good. Lol really you think so? How? I'm aware that i'm not feisty anymore I lost my rough edges, comes with age and experience Rudy-Diiriye - Hey Rudy what's good Lool I see you brought your sunshine and sense of humour with you. You still in Panama damn that's long. Get well soon.

Lol Gooni I know right such a cool song makes me laugh everytime I hear it. No worries it's fine.

<cite> @gooni said:</cite> What else I can wish an educator lady, just apply her as driver maybe I will maintain the car very well, and improve my language skills.

<cite> @gooni said:</cite> Thank you encouraging me and support my English class I wish am your neighbor lool You're welcome Gooni What do you mean by you wish you were my neighbour?

<cite> @gooni said:</cite> I agree with you as usual, good and long lasting marriage needs lot of preparation physically morally and saving accounts that are western culture my dear. They can have fun any time of ages, sun will rice for them after thirty or forty, if they willing to get kids they have to talk, go quiet noiseless place sea side or somewhere get peaceful mind, honey and sweet are couples name, if there is any disagreement regarding the kids, one of them should bring cat or dog as birth day gifts. Our culture is totally different no need to scare a life(tawakal) get marry as soon as you feel fruit is ready don’t let fall no taste after falling, it is good to protect yourself, religion and culture, just make little arrangement with insha allah then make punch of kids they are love making machines. Agah, say what?! ? Western and islamic guidelines support the same opinion as me hence why many sheikhs made islamic marriage lectures talking about the same thing I discussed with you. You're behind Gooni. Your opinions are based on culture which isn't important. Religion is the most important thing in a persons life and one should follow it's guidelines. Anybody who tries to say culture is important to them and it stands number one in their life does not differ much from a non believer. Culture isn't a religion so i'm suprised and shocked by people like you who are strictly in their culture eventhough knowing there are many faults and innovations in cultures and passing it off to others as a religion they must follow. Gooni atleast you're trying to write English with trial and error, well done don't give up you will get there one day inshallah. Practice makes perfect and English isn't my first language either it's my third.