^^^ Didn't want you annoy you?! *gives you a shifty look* I wonder why that is? spill the gossip!

Speaking of pay, is it me or does everyone spend more than they own?

^^^ Walaal you probably need to get yourself a good pair of glasses! I'm living it up at the moment, since I'm on Annual leave , nothing better than knowing you're being paid for doing absolutely nothing. God I suddenly sound as ambitious as a person on welfare and a manager. You know they're both LAZY people! Unfortunately for me doing nothing couldn't be further from the truth, this is actually exam period.

A refund? Er don't you have to pay first to get one of those? Waryaa stick to the body language and hand gestures with any luck she'll think you've got Tourette Syndrome. (Istaqfurallah...I would never wish that upon anyone)

Ok that topic didn’t seem to go right…did it? I think it was derailed right from the beginning and then transformed into a tool for the thrashing of one another based on qabil. Really I expected better from you! So let put the gloves back on and address the topic at hand like civilised humans, this isn’t the battle field and stop reliving the past…move on already. Anyways I think the original topic was an interesting one that was misinterpreted, it wasn’t an attack at Somalilanders but someone who was desperately trying to highlight the problem in general. Kulmiye maybe have been drawing these conclusions based on personal experiences and primary sources. If that was the case then I’ll have to agree with her, because upon my visit to Somaliland I saw just what Kulmiye described and I wouldn’t be as bold to say the whole of the horn of Africa is that way but stick to what I saw. “…his wives are forced to take up an economic activity to sustain their families. Most men in Somaliland have forsaken their families and gotten hooked on khat.†“…women's responsibilities in Somaliland society have drastically increased recently, the change has not been translated to an improvement in their status in society due to lack of education.†Bacisally Kulmiye has pointed out some of the same problems I highlighted in my topic about the discourse in average Somali families. It’s even more obvious back home that there has been a sad disintegration of the normal gender roles. Kulmiye is merely suggesting that in fact it’s the abuse of polygamy and the lack of education which has resulted in what she describes as an “ugly†situation. In her defence I think she’s right education is a problem, after reading the article northerner posted on the general section I started thinking about what the difference was between those entrepreneurial women in the UAE and the women in Somaliland? Well I think you’ll find it takes a little know how doesn’t it? Polygamy on the other hand I’m sure has been discussed countless times on a forum like this, and considering Somali men aren’t that respectful of the Islamic conditions in which polygamy should be practiced, then polygamy in my opinion should not be practiced at all. Before I get attacked these conditions are of course substance of the family, food, water, clothing and shelter. Oh and lets not forget the old men who fly over from abroad to Somaliland and marry innocent young girls, money isn’t the “be all and the end allâ€. I think love and time are important conditions too… after all… the prophet (saw) divided up his week between his wives! Not very 6 months when he’s put enough money together to fly over and Islamically a man away from his wife for up to six months at a time gives the right for the wife to ask for a divorce. And with all the absence what sort of a father could this man possibly be? A friend of mine describes Somali children as “orphans with fathers†now how realistic is that? Maybe some of you may argue that these young seemingly innocent girls are completely innocent. I think they are honestly trying to survive the best way they know how, maybe they need to be educated and realise that these men aren’t the only way out. Either way these older men are taking advantage of their vulnerability for their own selfish gains. In fact I dare you all to take a trip back home and see what you’re all defending, in Somaliland women are practically running in the economy. They shopkeepers, they’re the ones setting up stalls selling everything from vegetables to clothing while the men literally line the cafés and qaad places you’ll find a few working in the money exchange industry, selling shoes (for some odd reason) and working as police.

Scarface you're probably aware that in the UK all these ciyaal suuq "wag wan" boys think it's fashionable to be a faraax all a sudden. So if I were you I'd take some tips from them, I've heard lines like: "Numbarkada igu taabo" "Soocad macaan" - I wasn't a little confused about that one. "Inadero" - yeah you know when a total stranger says that to you...he's trying it. Or just "Maaaashallah!" loool in all honesty I wouldn't try any of them.

Erm…scarface I just thought it was only right to tell you that I’m pulling a face at you right now… Silly man! Originally posted by opportunist: ^^^ an Expert Indeed, By the way Do You Give coaching lessons for those wanting to master the art of "How To Lure the Opposite sex in Keeping the conversation flowing" :rolleyes: Just a thought! Er, I'm old fashion dear...I think he should be doing all the chasing and I never advise a girl to take things into her own hands after all It could be disastrous. For example you see this man and you fancy the hell out of him and as the general rule of thumb goes “good looking men are dumb†so you’ll be stuck with a good looking man with the personality of a nat. Or worst yet you could find yourself having a one sided conversation with an uninterested man, did you stop to think this man might not be want to talk to you. I’m insecure like that! So here’s my crash course on the art of flirting ~In seven steps~ (Yes scarface, you guessed it… more tips, where are my cupid wings I wonder?!) *WARNING* I think I should reiterate again that I advise against this, but if there’s a drastic situation don’t embarrass yourselves girls and get it wrong. Awareness: 1) So you see a man you like, first things first make sure you’re looking ok, no embarrassing objects stuck between your teeth. 2) Let him now you’re there and you’re interested by giving him eye contact (don’t stare, just glance over). 3) If he’s looking at the 3rd time you glance over then smile modestly. (lol I crack myself up sometimes) His part: Then it’s his turn, yep that’s right girls he has to do all the hard work! He has to approach you and you just have to make sure you’re: 4) Responsive by asking him questions where possible. 5) Smile and laugh at any silly jokes. 6) Don’t do all the talking girls and I would advise you not to carry on with the conversation, especially if he’s not giving you all the prompts. 7) Men like to feel important and in charge so humour their ego. But personally I wouldn’t like to fall into the trap of having to always keep up this farce that you find their boring conversations amusing. So don’t just base all your judgement on how he looks, in fact that reminds me of what someone once told me. “Beauty is what attracts you and personality is what keeps youâ€. And with all that said girls don’t be a slave to looks, if you’re among the few who managed to find yourself a gorgeous man with a brilliant personality then congratulations to you because they’re few and far in my opinion!

Honestly speaking in all my years of living in London this has to be the 5th or 6th article of this sort, defacing the Somali community as parasites, criminals and just plain barbaric. I’m sick and tired of these bluntly racist articles, slashed across front pages and centre spreads of UK newspapers. Had this been an attack at the black community as a whole, I’m sure there’d be some high profile court battles and apologies. Yet we the Somali community rarely defend ourselves from such bad publicity, where are the petitions? Where are the angry editorial letters to these news papers? Silence… Precisely there are none, we’re obviously not that concerned…are we? I’ve always been bothered about the way people perceive me, considering I’m a Muslim and a Somali I’ve always told myself I was representing these communities and should act accordingly. Obviously I’m alone on this because I’m constantly being embarrassed by the shenanigans of Somali teenagers who are loud, abusive and inconsiderate. So I wonder why am so concerned about people who stereotype and these youths who couldn't care less about me? The way I see it now is…live your life in a way that is beneficial to yourself, follow your deen, educate yourself and raise your children respectfully. Don’t live your life for others; these people will stereotype you either way, that’s their problem NOT YOURS!

I used to be a major Olive oil fan but it is pungent. But then I discovered a brand called Organic room simulator Olive oil and it smells lovely! But it's not completely oil based so don't smother your hair with it or it'll look just washed, just apply a small amount when your hair looks like it needs some oil. Personally I love setting my hair with rollers they’re the best thing, they give my hair loads of volume and I have plenty of soft curls. But I think the key to gorgeous looking hair is the conditioning after washing…as black women like us need oil in our hair for it to look healthy unlike white and Asian women who wash as soon as it look remotely greasy. I use Dove shampoo because I just love dove products especially the body washes, but to be honest their shampoos aren’t that great but a shampoo with condition will do. Then you need to invest in some hair cholesterol dark and lovely does the best! You smother your hair with it and leave it in for 5 mins and then wash it out and you can feel the difference. I sometimes spray in a leave in conditioner they while my hair is still wet, pat your hair dry and place in rollers. If your hair need some drastic measures get yourself some HOT OIL it’s a definite quick fix on bad hair days! But honestly women...how frequently should you wash your hair? considering our hair texture.

My best advice is not to bother if you're just looking to use chat up lines. REALLY! :rolleyes: Zu for your own sake I hope you never tried those chat up lines, if you can call it that. Refer back to the topic about wanting to get to know a girl.

The word NUTS comes to mind...This is insane! Justice if I were you I'd direct him to the local mental health institute. Now it's just a case of getting Rudy and Scarface there too...mmh now that really needs one hell of a plan! Now back to the original question if you're still interested Elegantgent. Personally I think it would be easier to ask how a Somali girl would NOT like to be approached. I think a guy shouldn't ask you for your number on the same breath as he asked you your name. That doesn't fly with me...can't a man just be genuine for a change? Or at the very least pretend to be interested in getting to know what type of person I am. I’m definitely more responsive to man who is more interested in personality than looks…you can often tell at how long you can hold a conversation and the type of conversation, obviously no woman in her right mind would give her number to a boring man. So here’s my lesson on the art of conversation! How to say hello: This is usually the most important bit, first impressions are everything! So no cheesy chat up lines, they only beget a rolling of eyes and probably a cheeky comment and effectively that’s all you’ll get! Simplicity is the best option… Say your salaams along with a smile. (It’s not that hard!) And never use the line “do I know you from somewhere?†in fact it’s better to say “I’ve never seen you here before†The conversation: The conversation shouldn’t be riddled with compliments; since you’ve approach the girl I think she’s aware that you’re already interested. Therefore you want a flow of conversation when it’s one sided then there’s a problem (“uh huh†and uncomfortable smiles don’t count!) Questions are the best conversation starters… not questions like “where are you from?†or “how old are you?†but questions that are relevant to the situation. Like you see her at a university (what do you study?) near an office block (do you work around here?) at the train station…be clever (are you heading toward…?) Don’t be too serious you could scare her…so slip in a joke here or there, a man who knows how to make you smile is what most women look for. Tell her about yourself, I’m not saying go on and on about yourself…usually if you’ve asked her a question it’s best to answer your questions too. You: “Do you work around here?†Her: “Yes†You: “me too, I work at …†Always ask for her name at the end and offer yours immediately don’t wait for awkward silences. Going in for the kill: You need to know a few things before you attempt this. Ask yourself is she interested? Am I going to bump into her again? For example if she’s the new girl at your university…don’t ask for a number just make sure you bump into her again and see how it goes from there. If she’s responsive to the conversation and she’s offering information without your asking you can ask for her number but make sure you explain to her that you want to get to know her more and that you’re interested in her. If she responses with an uncomfortable no then be polite and let her know that it was nice meeting her and you hope to bump into her again. God... I should write a book, shouldn’t I? loool!

S.O.S I agree walaal Islam tells us everything we need to know about how to succeed in this life and the next. Had Somalis been more attentive to this then surely there would be none of these problems I stated. The point, what exactly is your point? Must I remind you it was the English who invented the English language . So who are you to question it? muchless suggest a word has a sexuality. :rolleyes: Oh and Castro... Originally posted by Castro: ^ I can't think of a Somali dad (or mom) born before 1960 that would tell their children they love them. LOL. It just doesn't work that way. ...now you know two Waterlilly thanks dear I guess that just goes to show that we can't generalise in the way that we do. But I do know many in my area that would agree with the majority I've written. The divorce rates alone are testament. I would have to point out that ridiculous difference between the Somali communities in North America and the UK. Mashallah the Somali communities in North America seem to be doing better, and the only varying factor I could possibly blame is the abundance of qaad and the option of welfare. Having visited Canada I was amazed at the difference, I’m not accustom to older Somali women with large families working and driving…I know that sounds normal to many of you but doesn’t that go to show the dramatic difference? The older generation of Somalis in the UK are quite happy living on handouts and have virtually no ambition to be bigger or better. Obviously you all can’t relate to this as the majority of you are all educated individuals who do not see this on a daily basis. Either way it’s a comfort to know that we’re not all the same and that there are people out there who have chosen a different and wiser path. I guess Faaraxov said it best...It's up to us to change, learn from what we liked and disliked about our up bringing and implement it.

Since the civil war the Somali way has become riddled with a disease, not a physical one but a silent social endemic which has swept over Somalia for the last few decades. It’s crippled our society and brought our economy to its knees, even those who have left for better lives in other countries have found themselves struggling to survive. You may think I’m over reacting but it really is the root of all our problems, so ask yourself this…who wears the trousers in your home? Gender roles within the average Somali family has mutated into what one would describe now as a ‘one woman show’. Long gone are the days when the woman’s place was in the home and the man put bread on the table. For what looks like countless reasons both at home and aboard Somali men are becoming less and less involved in their families. This as you can imagine has resulted in what you see today, broken homes, poverty, poor academic achievement in our young, and crime amongst other things, which of course impacts our social structure and creates this never ending cycle. In the west, particularly in the UK Somali men who traditionally worked hard to supply their families with food, clothing and adequate shelter are now sitting down and letting the government provide for their families. Whereas the woman’s role within the home is still active, women are still cooking, cleaning, and struggling to nurture their children in low income housing. While our men turn to qaad and standing outside local cafes to occupy their time with idleness. Well before I get persecuted for insulting all our men in one short fell sweep, I’d like make it clear that the majority of the younger generation are a lot more aware of their responsibilities and roles within the average Somali family unit. Young men are working hard and providing for their homes. Obviously like any normal person you want a better quality of life than you were raised up in, you want your children to be well looked after and have all things you were deprived of as a child. For instance I wish my parents took an active role with my education, instead of assuming, like most Somali parents that it’s the school’s place to deal with those issues. I felt like I was so disadvantaged during my school years and I had to try so hard to level up with the other children my age. Of course I understand my mother was rushed off her feet dealing with the practical issues she had to face while raising us, but my father could have easily spared his plentiful time to help us further ourselves academically. I’m sure with that many of you can sympathise with me. So what do you blame it on? The lack of education, our precarious culture or idleness? On that note please remember Islam teaches that family is the cradle of all humanity, so be compassionate and bring unity to your homes, after all charity does start at home.

Thanks for the warm welcome all! Yes sheherazade was right I'm female. Erm...Interesting replies might I add :confused: . This wasn't meant to be a psychoanalysis, but didn't you all notice how almost everyone kept referring to "real life†and not a single person batted an eye lid about it. Sorry but isn't this...here…now… real? "...I wouldn't IRL(in real life)" "...certain situations that’s different to RL (real life) one" "I also say it in real life" "Personally I am reserved person in real life" "...I may not have openly spoke up about IRL" Have you all forgotten that you're just online, life hasn't just suddenly stopped, you’re not in a dream world or on a parallel plane! Maybe this is the reason why people forget to keep their normal respectful personalities. I can’t help but think that this constant disassociation or detachment from reality is abnormal and unhealthy. I do understand your points; sensitive subjects are easier discussed anonymously, that’s just one of the perks of the net. You’ve got all the lime light you want on your demand and all this time to think up of witty replies (If you’re anything like me and a little slow offline lol) amongst other things. But haven’t you all come across this general idea that this detachment from reality has also brought about this ideology that real emotions can not be displayed online. Emotions like guilt, anger, hatred, love or just having a self conscious. I don’t know maybe this is the real root cause of all the problems faced online?

(You might want to turn the sound down for this) Are you hearing voices? . . . . . . . Congratulations You're Schizophrenic! On countless occasions I’ve heard people refer to the net as a world dissimilar to reality. Suddenly life isn’t just this one short existence but in fact two, the online and offline life. Internet users are suddenly living two lives completely separate to one another with alias names, occupations and locations. Well understandably I’m constantly being told this is just a security measure to ensure confidentially, after all the world is a small place. However having said this personal details are not the only thing being changed, net users are creating alter personalities…effectively alter egos. These online personalities are sometimes on the extreme opposite end of the personality spectrum or at times mild amplifications of an individual’s offline personality. Either way I wonder how healthy this really is. I for one am not comforted with the idea that the average person you meet offline has a completely different online personality. These same abusive, violent and disturbed people you come cross in countless Somali chat rooms maybe in fact the quiet and down to earth neighbour or even a distance cousin. In fact if you were to remove the medium (the internet) you would be left with a person displaying typical schizophrenic tendencies. Doesn’t this worry you? And why is it seen so acceptable within our online Somali community? Once questioned these violent, disturbed and rude individuals always reply with same answer… “It’s only the net, don’t take is serious†People continuously take advantage of there anonymity online to get way with things that are not classed as socially acceptable. Does that then imply at these individuals only conform for the sake of the “consequences†they could face offline and if there were no “consequences†offline they would in fact be horrible individuals?