"The Jews Rule This World By Proxy" Full text of the controversial speech by the Malaysian Prime Minister at the tenth session of the Islamic Summit Conference on 16th October, 2003 MAHATHIR MOHAMAD 1. Alhamdulillah, All Praise be to Allah, by whose Grace and Blessings we, the leaders of the Organisation of Islamic Conference countries are gathered here today to confer and hopefully to plot a course for the future of Islam and the Muslim ummah worldwide. 2. On behalf of the Government and the people of many races and religions of Malaysia, may I extend a warm welcome to all and everyone to this Tenth Session of the Islamic Summit Conference in Putrajaya, Malaysia's administrative capital. 3. It is indeed a great honour for Malaysia to host this Session and to assume the Chairmanship of the Organisation of the Islamic Conference (OIC). I thank the members for their confidence in Malaysia's Chairmanship. 4. May I also take this opportunity to pay a special tribute to the State of Qatar, in particular His Highness Shaikh Hamad Bin Khalifa AI-Thani, the Emir of the State of Qatar, for his outstanding stewardship of our Organisation over the past three years. 5. As host, Malaysia is gratified at the high level of participation from member countries.This clearly demonstrates our continued and abiding faith in, and commitment to our Organisation and our collective wish and determination to strengthen our role for the dignity and benefit of the ummah. 6.I would also like to welcome the leaders and representatives of the many countries who wish to become observers at this meeting because of their substantial Muslim population. Whether they are Muslims or not, their presence at this meeting will help towards greater understanding of Islam and the Muslims, thus helping to disprove the perception of Islam as a religion of backwardness and terror. 7. The whole world is looking at us. Certainly 1.3 billion Muslims, one-sixth of the world's population are placing their hopes in us, in this meeting, even though they may be cynical about our will and capacity to even decide to restore the honour of Islam and the Muslims, much less to free their brothers and sisters from the oppression and humiliation from which they suffer today. 8. I will not enumerate the instances of our humiliation and oppression, nor will I once again condemn our detractors and oppressors. It would be an exercise in futility because they are not going to change their attitudes just because we condemn them. If we are to recover our dignity and that of Islam, our religion, it is we who must decide, it is we who must act. 9. To begin with, the Governments of all the Muslim countries can close ranks and have a common stand if not on all issues, at least on some major ones, such as on Palestine. We are all Muslims. We are all oppressed. We are all being humiliated. But we who have been raised by Allah above our fellow Muslims to rule our countries have never really tried to act in concert in order to exhibit at our level the brotherhood and unity that Islam enjoins upon us. 10. But not only are our Governments divided, the Muslim ummah is also divided, and divided again and again. Over the last 1400 years the interpreters of Islam, the learned ones,the ulamas have interpreted and reinterpreted the single Islamic religion brought by Prophet Muhammad S.A.W, so differently that now we have a thousand religions which are often so much at odds with one another that we often fight and kill each other. 11. From being a single ummah we have allowed ourselves to be divided into numerous sects, mazhabs and tarikats, each more concerned with claiming to be the true Islam than our oneness as the Islamic ummah We fail to notice that our detractors and enemies do not care whether we are true Muslims or not. To them we are all Muslims, followers of a religion and a Prophet whom they declare promotes terrorism, and we are all their sworn enemies. They will attack and kill us, invade our lands, bring down our Governments whether we are Sunnis or Syiahs, Alawait or Druze or whatever. And we aid and abet them by attacking and weakening each other, and sometimes by doing their bidding, acting as their proxies to attack fellow Muslims. We try to bring down our Governments through violence, succeeding to weaken and impoverish our countries. 12. We ignore entirely and we continue to ignore the Islamic injunction to unite and to be brothers to each other, we the Governments of the Islamic countries and the ummah. 13. But this is not all that we ignore about the teachings of Islam. We are enjoined to Read, Iqraq i.e. to acquire knowledge. The early Muslims took this to mean translating and studying the works of the Greeks and other scholars before Islam. And these Muslim scholars added to the body of knowledge through their own studies. 14. The early Muslims produced great mathematicians and scientists, scholars, physicians and astronomers etc. and they excelled in all the fields of knowledge of their times, besides studying and practising their own religion of Islam. As a result the Muslims were able to develop and extract wealth from their lands and through their world trade, able to strengthen their defences, protect their people and give them the Islamic way of life, Addin, as prescribed by Islam. At the time the Europeans of the Middle Ages were still superstitious and backward, the enlightened Muslims had already built a great Muslim civilisation, respected and powerful, more than able to compete with the rest of the world and able to protect the ummah from foreign aggression. The Europeans had to kneel at the feet of Muslim scholars in order to access their own scholastic heritage. 15. The Muslims were lead by great leaders like Abdul Rahman III, AI-Mansur, Salah El Din AI Ayubi and others who took to the battlefields at the head of their forces to protect Muslim land and the ummah. 16. But halfway through the building of the great Islamic civilisation came new interpreters of Islam who taught that acquisition of knowledge by Muslims meant only the study of Islamic theology. The study of science, medicine etc. was discouraged. 17. Intellectually the Muslims began to regress. With intellectual regression the great Muslim civilisation began to falter and wither. But for the emergence of the Ottoman warriors,Muslim civilisation would have disappeared with the fall of Granada in 1492. 18.The early successes of the Ottomans were not accompanied by an intellectual renaissance. Instead they became more and more preoccupied with minor issues such as whether tight trousers and peak caps were Islamic, whether printing machines should be allowed or electricity used to light mosques. The Industrial Revolution was totally missed by the Muslims. And the regression continued until the British and French instigated rebellion against Turkish rule brought about the downfall of the Ottomans, the last Muslim world power and replaced it with European colonies and not independent states as promised. It was only after World War II that these colonies became independent. 19. Apart from the new nation-states we also accepted the western democratic system. This also divided us because of the political parties and groups that we form, some of which claim Islam for themselves, reject the Islam of other parties and refuse to accept the results of the practice of democracy if they fail to gain power for themselves. They resort to violence, thus destabilising and weakening Muslim countries. 20. With all these developments over the centuries the ummah and the Muslim civilisation became so weak that at one time there was not a single Muslim country which was not colonised or hegemonised by the Europeans. But regaining independence did not help to strengthen the Muslims. Their states were weak and badly administered, constantly in a state of turmoil. The Europeans could do what they liked with Muslim territories. It is not surprising that they should excise Muslim land to create the state of Israel to solve their Jewish problem. Divided, the Muslims could do nothing effective to stop the Balfour and Zionist transgression. 21. Some would have us believe that, despite all these, our life is better than that of our detractors. Some believe that poverty is Islamic, sufferings and being oppressed are Islamic. This world is not for us. Ours are the joys of heaven in the afterlife. All that we have to do is to perform certain rituals, wear certain garments and put up a certain appearance. Our weakness, our backwardness and our inability to help our brothers and sisters who are being oppressed are part of the Will of Allah, the sufferings that we must endure before enjoying heaven in the hereafter. We must accept this fate that befalls us. We need not do anything. We can do nothing against the Will of Allah. 22. But is it true that it is the Will of Allah and that we can and should do nothing? Allah has said in Surah Ar- Ra'd verse 11 that He will not change the fate of a community until the community has tried to change its fate itself. 23. The early Muslims were as oppressed as we are presently.But after their sincere and determined efforts to help themselves in accordance with the teachings of Islam, Allah had helped them to defeat their enemies and to create a great and powerful Muslim civilisation. But what effort have we made especially with the resources that He has endowed us with. 24. We are now 1.3 billion strong. We have the biggest oil reserve in the world. We have great wealth. We are not as ignorant as the Jahilliah who embraced Islam. We are familiar with the workings of the world's economy and finances. We control 57 out of the 180 countries in the world. Our votes can make or break international organisations. Yet we seem more helpless than the small number of Jahilliah converts who accepted the Prophet as their leader. Why? Is it because of Allah's will or is it because we have interpreted our religion wrongly, or failed to abide by the correct teachings of our religion, or done the wrong things? 25. We are enjoined by our religion to prepare for the defence of the ummah. Unfortunately we stress not defence but the weapons of the time of the Prophet. Those weapons and horses cannot help to defend us any more. We need guns and rockets, bombs and warplanes, tanks and warships for our defence. But because we discouraged the learning of science and mathematics etc. as giving no merit for the akhirat, today we have no capacity to produce our own weapons for our defence. We have to buy our weapons from our detractors and enemies. This is what comes from the superficial interpretation of the Quran, stressing not the substance of the Prophet's sunnah and the Quran's injunctions but rather the form, the manner and the means used in the 1st Century of the Hijrah. And it is the same with the other teachings of Islam. We are more concerned with the forms rather than the substance of the words of Allah and adhering only to the literal interpretation of the traditions of the Prophet. 26. We may want to recreate the first century of the Hijrah, the way of life in those times, in order to practise what we think to be the true Islamic way of life. But we will not be allowed to do so.Our detractors and enemies will take advantage of the resulting backwardness and weakness in order to dominate us. Islam is not just for the 7th Century A.D. Islam is for all times. And times have changed. Whether we like it or not we have to change, not by changing our religion but by applying its teachings in the context of a world that is radically different from that of the first century of the Hijrah. Islam is not wrong but the interpretations by our scholars, who are not prophets even though they may be very learned can be wrong. We have a need to go back to the fundamental teachings of Islam to find out whether we are indeed believing in and practising the Islam that the Prophet preached. It cannot be that we are all practising the correct and true Islam when our beliefs are so different from one another. 27. Today we, the whole Muslim ummah are treated with contempt and dishonour. Our religion is denigrated. Our holy places desecrated. Our countries are occupied. Our people starved and killed. 28. None of our countries are truly independent. We are under pressure to conform to our oppressors' wishes about how we should behave, how we should govern our lands, how we should think even. 29. Today if they want to raid our country, kill our people, destroy our villages and towns, there is nothing substantial that we can do. Is it Islam which has caused all these? Or is it that we have failed to do our duty according to our religion? 30. Our only reaction is to become more and more angry. Angry people cannot think properly. And so we find some of our people reacting irrationally. They launch their own attacks, killing just about anybody including fellow Muslims to vent their anger and frustration. Their Governments can do nothing to stop them. The enemy retaliates and puts more pressure on the Governments. And the Governments have no choice but to give in, to accept the directions of the enemy, literally to give up their independence of action. 31. With this their people and the ummah become angrier and turn against their own Governments. Every attempt at a peaceful solution is sabotaged by more indiscriminate attacks calculated to anger the enemy and prevent any peaceful settlement. But the attacks solve nothing. The Muslims simply get more oppressed. 32. There is a feeling of hopelessness among the Muslim countries and their people. They feel that they can do nothing right. They believe that things can only get worse.The Muslims will forever be oppressed and dominated by the Europeans and the Jews. They will forever be poor, backward and weak. Some believe, as I have said, this is the Will of Allah, that the proper state of the Muslims is to be poor and oppressed in this world. 33. But is it true that we should do and can do nothing for ourselves? Is it true that 1.3 billion people can exert no power to save themselves from the humiliation and oppression inflicted upon them by a much smaller enemy? Can they only lash back blindly in anger? Is there no other way than to ask our young people to blow themselves up and kill people and invite the massacre of more of our own people? 34. It cannot be that there is no other way. 1.3 billion Muslims cannot be defeated by a few million Jews. There must be a way. And we can only find a way if we stop to think, to assess our weaknesses and our strength, to plan, to strategise and then to counter attack. As Muslims we must seek guidance from the Al-Quran and the Sunnah of the Prophet. Surely the 23 years' struggle of the Prophet can provide us with some guidance as to what we can and should do. 35. We know he and his early followers were oppressed by the Qhuraish. Did he launch retaliatory strikes? No. He was prepared to make strategic retreats. He sent his early followers to a Christian country and he himself later migrated to Madinah. There he gathered followers, built up his defence capability and ensured the security of his people. At Hudaibiyah he was prepared to accept an unfair treaty, against the wishes of his companions and followers. During the peace that followed he consolidated his strength and eventually he was able to enter Mecca and claim it for Islam. Even then he did not seek revenge. And the peoples of Mecca accepted Islam and many became his most powerful supporters, defending the Muslims against all their enemies. 36. That briefly is the story of the struggle of the Prophet. We talk so much about following the sunnah of the Prophet. We quote the instances and the traditions profusely. But we actually ignore all of them. 37. If we use the faculty to think that Allah has given us then we should know that we are acting irrationally. We fight without any objective, without any goal other than to hurt the enemy because they hurt us. Naively we expect them to surrender. We sacrifice lives unnecessarily, achieving nothing other than to attract more massive retaliation and humiliation. 38. It is surety time that we pause to think. But will this be wasting time? For well over half a century we have fought over Palestine. What have we achieved? Nothing. We are worse off than before. If we had paused to think then we could have devised a plan, a strategy that can win us final victory. Pausing and thinking calmly is not a waste of time. We have a need to make a strategic retreat and to calmly assess our situation. 39. We are actually very strong. 1.3 billion people cannot be simply wiped out. The Europeans killed 6 million Jews out of 12 million. But today the Jews rule this world by proxy. They get others to fight and die for them. 40. We may not be able to do that. We may not be able to unite all the 1.3 billion Muslims. We may not be able to get all the Muslim Governments to act in concert. But even if we can get a third of the ummah and a third of the Muslim states to act together, we can already do something. Remember that the Prophet did not have many followers when he went to Madinah. But he united the Ansars and the Muhajirins and eventually he became strong enough to defend Islam. 41. Apart from the partial unity that we need, we must take stock of our assets. I have already mentioned our numbers and our oil wealth. In today's world we wield a lot of political, economic and financial clout, enough to make up for our weakness in military terms. 42. We also know that not all non-Muslims are against us. Some are well disposed towards us. Some even see our enemies as their enemies. Even among the Jews there are many who do not approve of what the Israelis are doing. 43. We must not antagonise everyone. We must win their hearts and minds. We must win them to our side not by begging for help from them but by the honourable way that we struggle to help ourselves. We must not strengthen the enemy by pushing everyone into their camps through irresponsible and unIslamic acts. Remember Salah El Din and the way he fought against the so called Crusaders,King Richard of England in particular. Remember the considerateness of the Prophet to the enemies of Islam. We must do the same. It is winning the struggle that is important, not angry retaliation, not revenge. 44. We must build up our strength in every field, not just in armed might. Our countries must be stable and well administered, must be economically and financially strong,industrially competent and technologically advanced. This will take time, but it can be done and it will be time well spent. We are enjoined by our religion to be patient. Innallahamaasabirin. Obviously there is virtue in being patient. 45. But the defence of the ummah, the counter attack need not start only after we have put our houses in order. Even today we have sufficient assets to deploy against our detractors. It remains for us to identify them and to work out how to make use of them to stop the carnage caused by the enemy. This is entirely possible if we stop to think, to plan, to strategise and to take the first few critical steps. Even these few steps can yield positive results. 46. We know that the Jahilliah Arabs were given to feuding, to killing each other simply because they were from different tribes The Prophet preached the brotherhood of Islam to them and they were able to overcome their hatred for each other, become united and helped towards the establishment of the great Muslim civilisation. Can we say that what the Jahilliah (the ignorant) could do we, the modern Muslims cannot do? If not all at least some of us can do. If not the renaissance of our great civilisation, at least ensuring the security of the ummah. 47. To do the things that are suggested will not even require all of us to give up our differences with each other. We need only to call a truce so we can act together in tackling only certain problems of common interests, the Palestine problem for example. 48. In any struggle, in any war, nothing is more important than concerted and coordinated action. A degree of discipline is all that is needed. The Prophet lost in Jabal Uhud because his forces broke rank. We know that, yet we are unwilling to discipline ourselves and to give up our irregular and uncoordinated actions. We need to be brave but not foolhardy. We need to think not just of our reward in the afterlife but also of the worldly results of our mission. 49. The Quran tells us that when the enemy sues for peace we must react positively. True the treaty offered is not favourable to us. But we can negotiate. The Prophet did, at Hudaibiyah. And in the end he triumphed. 50. I am aware that all these ideas will not be popular. Those who are angry would want to reject it out of hand. They would even want to silence anyone who makes or supports this line of action. They would want to send more young men and women to make the supreme sacrifice. But where will all these lead to? Certainly not victory. Over the past 50 years of fighting in Palestine we have not achieved any result. We have in fact worsened our situation. 51. The enemy will probably welcome these proposals and we will conclude that the promoters are working for the enemy. But think. We are up against a people who think. They survived 2000 years of pogroms not by hitting back, but by thinking. They invented and successfully promoted Socialism, Communism, human rights and democracy so that persecuting them would appear to be wrong, so they may enjoy equal rights with others. With these they have now gained control of the most powerful countries and they, this tiny community, have become a world power. We cannot fight them through brawn alone. We must use our brains also. 52. Of late because of their power and their apparent success they have become arrogant. And arrogant people, like angry people will make mistakes, will forget to think. 53. They are already beginning to make mistakes. And they will make more mistakes. There may be windows of opportunity for us now and in the future. We must seize these opportunities. 54. But to do so we must get our acts right. Rhetoric is good. It helps us to expose the wrongs perpetrated against us, perhaps win us some sympathy and support. It may strengthen our spirit, our will and resolve, to face the enemy. 55. We can and we should pray to Allah S.W.T. for in the end it is He who will determine whether we succeed or fail. We need His blessings and His help in our endeavours, 56. But it is how we act and what we do which will determine whether He would help us and give us victory or not. He has already said so in the Quran. Again Surah Ar-Ra'd verse 11. 57. As I said at the beginning, the whole world is looking at us, the whole Muslim ummah is placing their hopes in this conference of the leaders of Islamic nations.They expect us not just to vent our frustrations and anger, through words and gestures; not just to pray for Allah's blessings. They expect us to do something, to act. We cannot say we cannot do anything, we the leaders of the Muslim nations. We cannot say we cannot unite even when faced with the destruction of our religion and the ummah. 58. We know we can. There are many things that we can do. There are many resources that we have at our disposal. What is needed is merely-the will to do it, As Muslims, we must be grateful for the guidance of our religion, we must do what needs to be done, willingly and with determination. Allah has not raised us, the leaders, above the others so we may enjoy power for ourselves only. The power we wield is for our people, for the ummah, for Islam. We must have the will to make use of this power judiciously, prudently, concertedly. Insyaallah we will triumph in the end. 59. I pray to Allah that this 10th Conference of the OIC in Putrajaya, Malaysia will give a new and positive direction to us, will be blessed with success by Him, Almighty Allah, Arahman, Arahirn.

i find this site very entertaining and hilarious !! Hi! I want to dump my girlfriend but I'm not sure the best way to go about it. Usually they dump me. Can you give me some special bonus tips? Of course I can. Breaking up with someone definitely qualifies as a ****ed up something or other and is an eminently suitable topic for the pretty ****ed up website. FYI - I believe there's a song, written by Paul Simon I think, entitled 'There Must Be Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover' written apparently for someone in exactly your situation. It has lines like 'Slip out the back, Jack/Make a new plan, Stan' and so on. However we don't actually care about this at all for two reasons. First, we don't really like Paul Simon since he left Simon and Garfunkel because all his songs are pretty boring and he's not actually a very good singer. Secondly, you are neither Jack nor Stan and while it may sound nice in theory to say 'well just slip out the back' and so on, what you actually want is solid practical advice that makes it seem like breaking up with someone is really hard and complicated - which of course it is, if you do it right. We don't want you to miss a prime opportunity like this for emotional angst! Okay, now for a rundown of some Dumping Another Person options. Option #1: Pretend you have moved to Somalia (AKA Dumping by Avoidance). While this is not the most popular or common option, everyone is familiar with it. This is partly because it's the brain's first desperate suggestion when you feel stuck and trapped and slightly panicked that you ever slept with the person you are now quite sorry you ever did. (If that makes sense...) In the Pretending You Have Moved to Somalia or Dumping by Avoidance option, you don't call the Other Person ever again and you don't return any of their phone calls, pages, or handwritten missives. You pretend you don't live where you live any more, that you never received any of their frantic messages and you vigorously, vigorously avoid all human contact with the person you have slept with. If you see them on the street, for example, you duck your head and turn and run rapidly, yet discreetly and in a terrified manner, in the opposite direction, as if you weren't really there and had actually moved to Somalia. A few optional advanced Dumping by Avoidance maneuvers include also instinctively ducking your head and slinking down in your car seat any time you see anyone that even partly looks like the person you have dumped. You may also change your cell phone number and your pager, leave a bogus message on your answering machine that hints that you may have moved to Somalia or taken a six-month assignment in Thailand for the CIA or entered the hospital for an undisclosed length of time for major bowel surgery and so on. You may enlist your friends to Protect You From The Other Person by alerting you when they are spotted in the vicinity. And you can also ask your friends to run interference by actually communicating with the Other Person and indicating when they do so that you have moved to Somalia or died or that you are grieving because your entire extended family was killed in an unexpected locust plague or what have you. This, by the way, is a gender neutral option and both sexes may use it and do. There are very few women who don't instinctively understand the hiding behind a girlfriend so that Awful Guy won't see them and try to resume dating them. And there are very few men who don't instinctively understand the Just Don't Call and Everything Will Work Out strategy of sexual mistake mitigation. The main features of the Dumping by Avoidance option are fear and dread and guilt on your part and a psychotic breakdown on their part. Now we'll take a quick look at the advantages and disadvantages of these things so you can determine whether this option is right for you. Procedural Note: The Dumping by Avoidance option is easier to implement if you haven't slept with the person very many times. If they are quite comfortable coming to your house because they have done it many times - well then they are going to, particularly if you don't return their calls. They're going to want to know what the hell is going on. If, on the other hand, they have no ******* idea where you live you have a greater measure of safety. People you have slept with many times and even conducted something of a relationship with are not going to believe you have moved to Somalia. Plus, they will usually be highly motivated to strenuously avoid the other natural conclusion to draw from your behavior - which is that you slept with them, are a little shit, and are dumping them with no trace of human feeling. People find that kind of implication disturbing. You know this - which is exactly why you are going to experience a certain amount of fear, dread, and guilt with this option. The principal advantage of Dumping by Avoidance is that you never actually have to confront the person and explain to them that yes, you slept with them, but no you don't have any actual human feelings for them; yes, you are dumping them and yes, you are a little shit. This is certainly an attractive feature of this option. It's such an attractive feature that let's all just take a little moment to pause and contemplate how nice it would be, what a wonderful world, if you never ever ever had to explain to anyone that you don't have actual human feelings for them. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Such a load of pressure off your back. Okay, fun time's over. Back to the serious business of dumping someone. The principal disadvantages of Option #1 are a) It makes you feel bad about yourself. b) Other People's psychotic breakdowns can be scary! Unfortunately, dumping someone without an explanation or a goodbye or some kind of courtesy makes you feel like you are, you guessed it, a little shit without actual human feelings for the person you dumped. This bothers you. It raises the implication that you are Not A Good Person - which your brain instinctively senses might be to your major disadvantage down the road. It also makes your brain suspect that you may be a coward and unable to hold your own with Other People, which could also be to your major disadvantage down the road. If you repeatedly dump Other People by pretending to disappear and never getting in contact with them, you will start to believe that you are not just acting like a little shit - you actually are one. Once you've convinced yourself that you're a little shit without actual human feelings for people you sleep with or supposedly embark on relationships with, you're going to have a problem. Because your insides, the evolutionary stuff that makes up You, considers this a very dangerous state of affairs for You. Getting along with Other People and having Human Feelings for them and Being Able to Hold Your Own with them, these are of prime importance for your safety. And since you are not doing them, your safety is compromised and you are going to feel very ******* insecure. You will have two major choices for dealing with the Agonizing Insecurity you have accidentally subjected yourself to by dumping people without even the courtesy of admitting you are doing it. First, you can try to hide it from yourself and everyone else and pretend you do have human feelings or what have you even though you don't really believe it. This will make you Pretty ****ed Up around relationships and will weird you out and lead to an ever-growing sense of terror that you are defective and can't be fixed and so on and so on. Or you can try the Defensive Strategy in which you freely acknowledge to everyone that you dump people like a cowardly little shit but pretend this is actually to your advantage and makes you the free-wheeling, easy-going kind of guy you are who doesn't have to worry about being tied down or having people love and respect them and so on. You don't believe this either, but it sure sounds like a good Rationalization, Justification and Sorry Excuse. Both of these choices are solid contenders, have been around for a long time and are very well-established in their field. So it's totally your call. Procedural Note: We like to dwell on these kinds of Horrible Possibilities when you break up with someone and go off on digressions about your potential Agonizing Insecurity and so on rather than just answering the question about break-ups because this is the pretty ****ed up website and we like lurid sensationalism and dwelling on the horrible. It just makes life a lot more exciting. Procedural Note: Although you are in danger of convincing yourself you are a little shit when you exercise the Dumping By Avoidance option, you are allowed one bonus freebie per lifetime in which you get to do this without convincing yourself of anything except that you just had a Harrowing Experience and Narrowly Escaped the Danger of continuing to be a in relationship of some sort with someone you had no human feelings for. Your brain, your body and you will figure out that you have plenty of human feelings for Other People - just not that Awful Guy or that Scary Psycho Weirdo Girl. So enjoy your one free round. You are also, by the way, allowed one bonus freebie Mutual Avoidance Syndrome, in which you sleep with someone and then later both of you realize, oh God, let's not ever do that again. And then you both avoid each other, which is difficult because inevitably you work with them or they are friends with all of your friends - nevertheless you both avoid each other nervously, hide your faces at parties when you see each other, and when you encounter each other in the grocery store, you both pretend you didn't see each other and rapidly try to steer your cart down another aisle. Cash this one in at your discretion. Meanwhile, Other People's Psychotic Breakdowns Can Be Scary!

Dear Somalis, We are here, here in the distant lands, strange lands, cold places, call it whatever you may like it. Like it or not, for good or bad, we are here. We are the downtrodden and dispossessed, the self-torturing, the disenfranchised, refugees , immigrants, the unemployed and unemployable. we are black and muslim. we are hated and despised, having become a laughing stock. they look us down, discriminated, alienated and ignored. our kids are constantly picked at school, harrassed, insulted, spitted on, called names, " smelling somalis, rag heads! arab niggas " We are children of poverty, hopelessness and ignorance. we are victims of civil wars of our own makings We have and will have children of our own, grandchildren too in these strange lands and we have unthinkably decided to do nothing at all. we are in illusion and have no vison at all. we are quarrelling between us for no apparent reasons. our homes are breaking up.our family values are eroding. we adopting alien cultures. we embracing decadent customs. we feel naked, raped and tortured. we are experiencing mental degradation. we are suffering. we feel exhausted. we are going crazy. We are in pain, in confusion, disoriented, uneducated, uncultured, uninsured, homeless, speaking different tongues, wearing different clothes, we are the lost sheep, in chaos with no direction. we lost hope. We are our own enemy in what has become a self inflicted war against ourselves. It's about time we got together. Please, know that I have yet to meet a parent who wants their child to be a doctor,an engineer, a lawyer. most of the parents are afraid for the fact that one day their child would become a thief, an addict, a dealer, a prostitute, a gay, a violent individual. still, most of our youth are in jails, detained, some raped while incarceration. we live in ghettos with the lowest of the low. we live in crime ridden areas, invested with drugs, prostitution and condoms. we still moving to these public housing projects. our daughters and young ladies are lost. they have been seen clubbing, prostituting, drank and stoned, dating non- muslims, getting impregnated at young age by unkind filthy men. Some of us still have hope for ourselves even when stuck in the darkest dilemmas, Most of us believe in islamic laws and instilling order in our shattered lives. Many of us have presevered beneath the surface to find a spiritual sense of being, an understanding force at least somewhat powerful. many of us wouldn't go back if peace and stabilty is restored back home. Did you know that approximately half million Somalis are either displaced, fleeing, drowning in high seas, oceans, their boats capsizing? being deported back to wherever they may have been coming or originating from. but still, the cycle goes on and we are in motion, trying to reach unfamiliar territories and destinations. now, please think for a while, are you ready? Can you accept that the road we are travelling points toward a grim and painful future? Do you have the heart to face monumental failures while bravely struggling beyond where we are now? I know that some of you are, and that some of us are, and this is what gives me hope. You need insights just as you need your structure. It is never over, especially when a real solution, a real treatment for our sickness, is yet to begin.

The pen is mightier than the gun Mogadishu University and an affiliated school network have done more to rebuild the morale of Somali's capital than all the UN and Western relief agencies put together, reports WILLIAM MACLEAN. THE potholed route from the airstrip winds through streets lined with wrecked cars and alleys clogged with rubble before depositing the foreign visitor, with a bump, at the entrance to Mogadishu University. Grazed by the goats that wander every street, the area may not look much but behind the iron gates lies the neat, white- and blue-painted home of what many say is the most influential institution trying to revive broken Somalia. Perhaps its main gift, apart from knowledge, is hope. WHERE HOPE LIES: A man and his donkey pass next to Mogadishu University, founded in 1977 by a group of middle-aged academics using funds from the diaspora and Islamic relief agencies in the Gulf. “I dream of being in a big company like Microsoft,” said computer student Mohammed Abdulkarim, 20, sitting in the front of several rows of gleaming workstations in a spotless classroom. Speaking above the hubbub of fellow men and women students, the middle-class youth says he could have studied in Pakistan where he went to school but chose to study at home instead. “When I came back from Pakistan, I was afraid of what I heard of Mogadishu. But I found things are improving because people are tired of war. And I want to rebuild my country.” This is not the usual image of Somalia, which has been without a government since it collapsed in anarchy with the 1991 toppling of former dictator Mohammed Siad Barre. An estimated 60,000 gunmen and their rifles, truck-mounted machine guns and rocket launchers still roam the cratered streets of the capital of an estimated one million people. Among the first sights on the drive in from the nearest airstrip are a burnt out tank and the looted former army academy, now inhabited mostly by refugees. Appearances can be deceptive. The spoils of full-scale war have long been exhausted, the wholesale slaughter of the 1990s has passed, and lawlessness is currently the main curse for a city that was once one of Africa's safest. War may return, but for now businessmen and professionals are growing forces. Guns and battlewagons “There are two Mogadishus,” said Maxwell Gaylard, who coordinates all UN operations in the Horn of Africa state. “There's the Mogadishu you see when you drive around – the boys with the guns and technicals (battlewagons). And then there is the Mogadishu behind the iron gates, where people are getting on with life and resurrecting the social sectors.” The university, which opened its doors in 1997, was founded by a group of middle-aged academics using funds from the large Somali diaspora and Islamic relief agencies in the Gulf. Many spent their early careers overseas but returned to risk Mogadishu's mean streets because rebuilding Somalia, they say, means more to them than the comforts of expatriate life. “When I am in the US, no one knows me, respects me, or calls me professor. Here I get all that, and I am helping my country,” said California-trained agriculturalist Hussein Iman. “There are risks but death is everywhere. Some of my friends went to Canada: They died there. Some died in the ocean between here and Yemen. Some went to Libya and died in the desert. Some were killed in Nairobi.” Salad Ibrahim, 46, taught English in Yemen for years before bringing his wife and nine children home to join the university. “We live near the Mogadishu gun market. You should hear the noise from customers testing the weapons. But we are back among our extended family. And in a moral sense, I am happy,” he said. Residents say the 1,400-student university and an affiliated Mogadishu school network that teaches more than 150,000 pupils have done more to rebuild the city's morale in recent years than all the UN and Western relief agencies put together. Residents hail the teachers' achievement in getting young people off the streets and behind desks. They also recognise it as something the fractious political class has never managed. “Your future will not be good if you have guns,” said nursing student Mohammed Abdul Rashid Kursow, 25. “I urge young people to take up the pen instead of shooting, looting and raping women.” The university teaches four-year courses in Islamic law, education, English, Arabic, economics and computer science. An affiliated programme provides a three-year diploma in nursing. Fees are US$400 (RM1,520) a year, which covers a third of running costs per student. The gap is made up by diaspora funds and charities. The university has ties to counterparts in Egypt, Pakistan, Sudan, the United Arab Emirates and Yemen and plans to win recognition for its degrees from Western universities. Most warlords are only vaguely aware of its existence, and the university's president, Saudi-trained historian Ali Sheikh Ahmed Abubakar, says that isn't a bad thing. “If some of the warlords knew about us they could create problems,” he said. Residents say the university and its affiliated schools enjoy far more grassroots popularity than clan-based militias. “We are not in competition with politicians,” said Abubakar. “But we advise them: While they are struggling for power, do not demolish the educational system.” Not everyone is applauding. The university's existence and its teaching of Arabic in most of its courses is seen by some in the West as evidence of the influence of radical Islamists. Somalia watchers say its leaders are moderate Islamists, noting tuition is co-educational and teachers include Christians and Hindus as well as Muslims. Arabic is essential because the Gulf is historically a big job market for Somalis. Abubakar said Western counter-terrorism investigators would be wrong to focus attention on the resurgent educational system. “If there is any problem in the future concerning what these investigators fear, it will come from those who missed schooling and not those who went to school,” he said. – Reuters

The importance of a good night’s sleep can not be overestimated. Getting more than 7 hours of sleep a night helps in retention and deep encoding of information, which is essential in graduate school. Also, getting sufficient amounts of sleep results in a better mood and a greater level of happiness. Given this, I decided to conduct a study on those factors which influenced the amount of sleep I was getting, in order to determine how to get more sleep. One factor which I predicted would have especially large effects was my girlfriend at the time, Xaliima . I have induced that several of my acquaintances believe that Xaliima would have significant positive effects on sleep -- in the words of one such acquaintance, Faarax , "Man, she’s hot. I’d really like to sleep with her." Other acquaintances have also expressed an interest in her sleep-inducing properties. There are many reasons why one might postulate that Xaliima would increase sleep -- the quote above points to an important one, that she is quite hot, being a mammal with a body temperature of around 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. A warm blanket has been identified as a source of good sleep, and it is quite possible that Xaliima performs a similar function and could be a human blanket. Design Over the course of 28 consecutive nights, I collected data on the number of hours of sleep I obtained, and on a number of factors that might potentially affect the amount of sleep obtained. These variables included: • whether or not I had read in bed that night • whether it was a weeknight or weekend night • whether I had attended a social event • whether I had been feeling ill the previous day • whether I had an academic deadline. • how late in the day my first meeting or class was • how much sleep I had gotten the night before • how much sleep I had gotten the previous two nights • whether or not I had slept at Xaliima’s public housing subsidized apartment or my own rented apartment • whether I had to work overtime or not I used these variables in order to develop a regression model to explain the amount I slept. Results The first step towards developing a regression model of how much sleep I got was to transform all the binary variables (such as whether or not I had slept at Xaliima’s public hosuing subsidized apartment) into 0 and 1 so that I could treat them as quantitative variables. In essence, I got an average of two hours and one minute less sleep when I slept at Xaliima’s apartment rather than my own. This is clear evidence for Xaliima's sleep-retardant properties. Discussion After obtaining these results, the appropriate course of action became clear. I spoke to Xaliima and explained my study and its results, as well as the importance of getting sufficient sleep, I concluded by explaining that, due to her sleep-retardant properties, I could not continue to sleep with her, an act she termed "breaking up." I should mention that Xaliima suggested that my data, being from an observational study rather than an experimental study, only shows correlations rather than causation, and that it was quite possible that I had only chosen to sleep at her apartment on nights when I was less tired, or that I had actually chosen to get less sleep on nights when I had come to her apartment. She proposed that, instead of taking hasty action, we conduct an experimental study where we flip a coin each night to determine whether I would sleep at her apartment or my own, in order to prove a causative effect. Obviously, I rejected this suggestion. Although this study is insufficient to conclusively prove Xaliima’s causative role, this strong a correlation, and the importance of getting enough sleep, are sufficient together to suggest that action needs to be taken expeditiously. When Faarax, whom I mentioned earlier in the paper, discovered that Xaliima and I had broken up, he expressed interest anew in sleeping with her. I attempted to warn him about Xaliima’s sleep-retardant properties. In response, he referred to me as an "***** ." This clearly demonstrates his lack of understanding of the value of sleep. (Although it would be fair to point out that since I only sampled from my own amount of sleep, my results may not generalize to Faarax. Nonetheless.) I would like to conclude by encouraging others to embark on this sort of data-collection activity in their own lives. By helping me identify and eliminate the foremost factor reducing the amount of sleep I get, it has enriched my life. I believe it will enrich your life as well.

I had to go a second time to see it! they even had the VOl2 in some small city in Wisconsin and some of my friends went there to see the second part of this mazing, funny and cool movie! tarantino is a very creative and cool director! to appreciate his work you will need to see all his films: Reservoir Dogs, Pulp fiction and Jacike Brown. KILL BILL is one of his best.

Exodus of the Geeks by Zbignew Zingh A long time ago, during the last epoch of the New Economy, all the computer Geeks worked for large Multinational Corporations. They toiled in their tiny cubicles programming and debugging rude and crude software products demanded by other companies which, in turn, sold them at highly inflated prices to the unsophisticated public, to schools and to the government. The Geeks worked 60 to 70 hours a week without vacations or weekends off. There was little light and ventilation in their cubicles. They never went outside. They were forbidden beer and pizza. Their only entertainment was an occasional game of Sims or Myst. Their email traffic was monitored. They were denied the profits of their intellect. Despite these conditions, they could not leave their cubicles because each of the Geeks had signed a Non-Competition and Non Disclosure Agreement. They could not work elsewhere. Over time, a very special programmer arose among the Geeks. She was a gifted programmer who could code circles around everyone else. She could debug better than anyone else. She understood operating systems and compilers, higher level languages and machine level languages. She could solve computer hardware and software problems that no one else could solve. She knew C and C++ and Bb. Her programs were clean and elegant and OO so object-oriented. Among the Geeks, she became known as The Guru. Now The Guru looked about and saw the Geeks slaving every hour of every day for the profit of the Multinational Corporations and The Guru took pity on their plight. She went up to the CEOs and the Boards of Directors and demanded that the Geeks be freed from their Non-Competition and Non Disclosure Agreements so that they could leave the Multinational Corporations and program somewhere else. The CEOs and the Boards of Directors only laughed at the Guru. They prayed to the gods of Profit and Shareholder Value, and their gods, they said, would not let the Geeks go free to program on their own. The Guru then threatened that if the Corporations did not let the Geeks go free, then bad things would happen to the value of their shares. To make her point, The Guru wrote programs that ran faster and more reliably than those written by the Corporate High Priests of IT. But the Corporations countered with their own code that was equally fast and matched The Guru's software performance, until The Guru wrote an A-life program that beat all the IT High Priests' programs, and ultimately swallowed them all up. The Corporate High Priests of IT were impressed and told the CEOs that The Guru's open sourcery was more powerful than their proprietary magic. Yet the CEOs and the Boards of Directors still dithered and their share prices were unshaken. The Guru then unleashed a succession of plagues upon the Corporations' software, saying that it was but a foretaste of worse to come if the Geeks were not freed from their Non-Competition and Non Disclosure Agreements. First, The Guru unleashed Bugs; then Head Crashes; then Viruses; followed by Parity Errors, Seg Faults, Core Dumps, Random Reboots, Repetitive Stress Disorders and Lawsuits. After each plague, the Corporations' CEOs and Boards of Directors wavered and agreed to free the Geeks, but then they quickly repented of their decision and refused to let them go. Finally, The Guru unleashed a final and horrible tenth plague. Before doing so, she told the Geeks to run a small penguin splash applet as their screen savers so that the Angel of Obsolescence, as he descended upon the Corporations' computers, would know to pass over them. And it came to pass that The Guru programmed a Worm that went forth through the Internet and quickly spread throughout all the Multinational Corporations' computers. And their servers crashed, their clients and peers all stopped working and everyone's email was clogged with billions and billions of messages that read Let The Programmers Go. But the Geeks' computers were operating GNU/Linux and the Angel of Obsolescence knew to pass over their computers because of the penguins splashed therein, and their computers continued to operate and they did not crash. The catastrophe was too big for the Multinational Corporations to ignore. Their share prices were threatened, and the banks and investment houses and accountants all told the CEOs and Boards of Directors that if they did not do something, their empires would collapse. So they voted in emergency session to let the Geeks go free, and they released them from their Non-Competition Agreements and Non Disclosure Agreements. They then fired all their Geeks and ordered them to leave their cubicles immediately. The Guru then led the Geeks out from their cubicles. They trekked out en masse to form their own programming community that would be Free and Open, and they vowed to help each other debug and improve their programs. The Geeks had little time to prepare for their exodus, however, so all they could bring with them were their laptops and handtops. The Geeks, however, had little business experience. When they eventually came to the turbulent seas of red ink of the Investors, they asked, How can we make a living coding in Free Software? It was better when we were employees doing proprietary code in our little cubicles where, at least, we had our paychecks and 401Ks. But The Guru said, I will show you the way, and the inky red seas of the Investors parted for them and let them pass through and they made their livings as sourcerers, distributioneers, packagineers and expert advice providers. But for a long time the Geeks wandered around in the desert of uncertainty, and as some became weak and fearful, vulture capitalists circled high above them in the blue skies looking for those they could pick off. However, at various critical times, new Free Software would miraculously appear through the Internet, like Apache or Perl or Gimp or Debian, and the Geeks would continue to thrive. At long last, The Guru knew that the Geeks needed a set of rules to live by. So she went up on the mountain for a long time seeking enlightenment. When at last The Guru came down from the mountain, she had with her a shining CD on which was recorded the GNU General Public License. The GNU GPL, she announced, would be the Geeks' law and guiding light. But many of the Geeks had become tired of waiting for the Guru to come down from the Mountain. They said, why the big stall, man? Let us revert to the easier way of making money the proprietary way. So they erected a new idol, a large golden stock option that they put on a pedestal and worshipped. And when The Guru came down from the mountain with her shining CD containing the GPL, she saw the Geeks partying and drinking and dancing like Wall Streeters around their golden stock option. And she was wrought with anger and erased the shining CD with the GPL. Then the Guru called out, who among the Geeks will stand by me and the programmers who are free, and who will return to serfdom? Among the Geeks there stood forth two tribes of programmers, the Nerds and the Hackers, and they stood side by side with The Guru. But the backsliders and the easy-streeters returned to the Multinational Corporations from whence they had fled, and they signed new Non-Competition and Non-Disclosure Agreements, and they resumed working 60 and 70 hour weeks for a salary in their miserable little cubicles. The Guru then went back up on the Mountain and recovered the language of the GPL. She came back down with a new shining CD and all the remaining Geeks, and the tribes of Nerds and Hackers, copied the GPL and sent it out over the Internet, and thus it propagated and became fruitful. Eventually, The Guru led the remaining Geeks through the desert to the promised WAN. Their programming expertise and their communal de-bugging became legendary. They shared their knowledge. Their code became faster and ever more reliable, and soon even the Multinational Corporations of the World came to rely upon the Geeks' programs, even though the CEOs and the Boards of Directors would not admit it. And the Geeks prospered handsomely through their knowledgeable consulting, and they became renowned and celebrated for their wisdom. Cooperatively, they created an open and free community that was world wide and dedicated to the advancement of knowledge, clean code and the well being of humankind. More of Zbignew Zingh's work can be found at his website: ersarts.com

Incomprehensible and beyond belief, Annalena Tonelli was killed in Somaliland and the whole of Somali is in a mourning again for a brutal murder towards a woman who has made a lot of sacrifices for this poor nation. A defenseless and disarmed Annalena Tonelli was gunned down in Borama. She has operated independently in Somalia for about three decades like a volunteer. She has received the Nansen refugee Award, the most important and prestigious award for people involved in helping and sheltering refugees and displaced people. Annalena known also like "the mother Teresa of the Somalia", had founded and directed a tuberculosis hospital in Borama. Forli, her native city in Italy is in mourning also. The city will also commemorate a park or a street for her work. The sitting of city council opened with a minute of silence and the commemorative speech from the mayor, Rusticali Franc. On the government palaces of the city flags were taken down and posters of Annalena were posted in memory of her humanitarian work in Somalia. Who Is Annalena? Missionary, forlivese of birth, lived 30 years with the Somalis. Annalena Tonelli has been recognized as a Knight from the President of the Republic, Ciampi in 56th anniversary of the Republic on June 2nd, 2002. Early in her work she had successfully founded and established an orphanage in the port city of Merca. Then, it was Borama's turn, a city in northwest of Somalia, where she has reactivated the outpatients department of a local hospital for the cure and prevention of tuberculosis where she cared about thousands sic with TB, a very intensive and hard job. She also supervised schools for children and adults, courses of sanitary and hygiene instructions to paramedics and hospital staff one school for deaf and mute children and handicapped. The World Health Organization supplied the medicinal essential things and Annalena supplied the expense of the maintenance of the structure and paid wages to hospital workers, expenses of food to the patients, material and scholastic equipments. She used to sleep only four hours a day and spent the remaining hours tending patients and was always beside of the sick ones. There are 200 beds in the Borama hospital, all occupied. She had only one dress, pair of sandals and a scarf for a possession. She was always walked bare feet. She was poor among the poor and she was with the mentally ill patients, a refugee herself among the dispossessed and internally displaced. He life was a sacrifice to the poor. However, she never considered it that way. " I laugh of those who say such things, mine is a life of pure happiness, what is more beautiful living among the sick and the poor" she renounced of any such suggestions. Beautiful even if she constantly sees sufferings, beautiful even when she has been threatened, assaulted, abused, driven her crazy. " God, has given me the ability to face every problem and succeed" She was 60 years old and spent half of her life in Somalia, 30 years. She was very lean and thin, had a gray hair, she graduated from Law school in Italy but dedicated her life to assisting the poor. She was a humanitarian and very wonderful lady! Somalia lost a great asset who did her adopted country more than any other person did. What a grief and loss.

Darling !! We've known each other for more than a year now. During that time, we've shared so much—our hopes, our dreams, our fears. I know when I met you I wasn't thinking of starting up a serious relationship, but my admiration and respect for you quickly blossomed into love. You're my best friend and my confidant, and I can't imagine spending the better part of the next maybe five years without you. I know I've been vague about taking "the next step," but all that has changed. Your patience, loyalty, and love have made me see the world in an entirely new light. It's a place where true love can exist. So I ask you, XALLIMO MARYOOLEEY ... Will you spend the next two to three years with me? I realize it's sudden. I'm still looking for a better-paying job. But when I look into your eyes, I see all the things I never used to want. A small wedding, Kids. I never thought I'd say this to anyone, but you're the only one I want to wake up next to for the rest of my late or early thirties. I remember telling you early in our relationship that I never wanted to get married. But, sometimes, I can't believe what a lucky man I am. When the moonlight hits your delicate features just right, I see an angel. An angel who will turn cold and indifferent to me in five years because of festering resentment over my Qat chewing. But if I could only capture how you look on film during those moments, I swear we could make a million dollars. God, you're so beautiful at this stage of your life. Did you know that most of my friends are amazed that a woman of your caliber would even be going out with me, much less be interested in marrying me? They're always talking about how smart, funny, and drop-dead gorgeous you are. I have no choice but to agree. When I take a step back and look at things, I mean at your curves, your booty and thighs, there's no reason someone so luminous should be interested in a guy like me. Of course, I always point out to them that your looks will be pretty well faded by 2008. But when I think how stunning you are now, I can only shake my head in disbelief. Marriage is a big step to make, I know. But when I think of all the memories we've shared together, it makes me want a medium amount more. Do you remember that time we stumbled onto the bridge in Georgia overlooking a moonlit river, and we just held each other close, watching the waves gently lap on the shore? What about all the Sundays we lay in bed together until early afternoon? I cherish these memories, and I want to share more until our relationship is reduced to screaming fights, endless hours of legal battles, and an attempt on your part to stab me with a potato peeler. If you asked me two years ago if I was ever going to want kids, I would have looked at you like you were crazy. But sometimes, when I'm walking with you hand in hand, I imagine us pushing a stroller. And I like that image. I see us with two kids, a boy and a girl. That would be perfect. They could hold each other up after I'm gone. I really think you'd make an incredible mother,Xaliimo. And I think you'll eventually make a great single mother, too. You've got that inner strength. You don't have to answer right away if you don't want to. It's a big decision, and I wouldn't want you to take it lightly. Think it over. Talk to your friends and family. I already asked your father for your hand in marriage, and he gave his blessing. But before you answer, you should know that I truly do love you and want to spend nearly say two to three years with you. Without you, my life is incomplete. At least, until I meet another gorgeous xaawo. So, please,Xaliimo ... Say you'll grow early middle-aged with me.

i was accused of being a peeping tom by this crazy lady in our neighborhood and her son who was the bully of the block, beat the hell out of me! but i got my revenge, with the help of my younger sis, ayaan, we burned their whole place

lucky! this is just made up peice! not real! it is a joke! take it easy!!

WASHINGTON, DC-According to an FBI report released Monday, "reliable and substantive evidence" exists indicating that Somalis residing in the U.S. are involved in a widespread plot to develop large families. "We possess what we believe to be credible proof that thousands of Somalis in America, many of them not recent refugees, are attempting to acquire large family capability, often in full view of American law-enforcement authorities," said FBI director Robert Mueller, speaking before the Senate Intelligence Committee. "These large families, which consist of an absentee husband- out there driving a cab in large cities, single mother-wife staying home on welfare, core and a varied number of surrounding offsprings, extended families consisting aunties, and grannies - could potentially come into contact with other such large families, creating a terrifying chain reaction of Somali familial perpetuation." Census Bureau statistics show that the Somali population of the U.S. has increased dramatically in recent years. Mueller attributed much of this growth to the proliferation of large families. "Communities as diverse and far-flung as Columbus, OH, and Minneapolis, MN, are being converted into breeder reactors in which Somali large families can be easily and cheaply produced," Mueller said. "Single Somalis who do not have large families of their own are attracted by these favorable conditions." According to Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge, unwed Somalis are crucial to the creation of large families. Such individuals, Ridge said, strive to acquire certain critical materials in order to make such creation possible. "Acquisition of wealth, education, employment, and status is key to establishing large family capability," Ridge said. "Surveillance of Somali communities by the FBI reveals that these activities are taking place all over the world." Quoting from the FBI report, Ridge cited the example of an unnamed Somali born 27 year old male who settled in the Seattle in 1995. Working days at a Halaal Grocery Store owned by an uncle, the man attended nighttime business and English courses at a local community college. Upon graduation, he used his savings to acquire a partial stake in a gas station owned by another uncle. It is believed that his hard earned elevated social status was instrumental in his marriage to a young Somali woman whose own family immigrated to the U.S. in the late 1990s. Shortly after their wedding, the couple established a two-bedroom breeder reactor in Seattle, where they produced Four children, with another currently on the way. "I'd like to say that this is an isolated example," Ridge said. "But the reality is, this 'Seattle project' is the sort of thing that is occurring all across the country." Supporting Ridge's claim, Attorney General John Ashcroft said that a June 2003 search of a home owned by a Somali couple in Atlanta, GA, unearthed substantial evidence of large family building activity. Materials such as a family photo album, a baby-care book, and the discarded remnants of a used home pregnancy test were found on the premises. "Fortunately, in that case, we were able to step in and break up the childless couple before they went large," Ashcroft said. "But how many other Somalis do we have living right here in our country trying to do the same thing?" Monty Conrad, a domestic-security expert and longtime FBI consultant, said that many seemingly reputable Somali-owned and -operated businesses funnel their profits into large-family programs. Conrad has found evidence linking the proceeds from such businesses to bank deposits, food and clothing purchases, rent and loan payments, and other endeavors vital to creating and maintaining a large family. "Something as innocuous as a Africa jewellary store or a hole-in-the-wall of Somali restaurant can be underwriting a Somali large family," Conrad said. "Shockingly, in many cases, there is no attempt to conceal it. Children can be seen behind the counter, laughing and playing as their parents and other adult relatives work." Conrad faults the U.S. government for "willfully neglecting" the large family threat posed by Somalis living within U.S. borders. "The government has, from the federal to local level, permitted these activities to go on right under its nose, in spite of the obvious red flags," Conrad said. "There are thousands of cases of marriage licenses being issued to highly suspicious Islamic Somali couples known to harbor intentions of building large families. Income-tax forms from some of these people even list dependents. All this is clear proof that Somali large families exist in the U.S., yet nothing is done about it. Why?" No laws currently exist to fight the proliferation of Somali large families within the U.S. That gives such Somalis as Abdullahi Abdulrahman Abdulkadir Mohamed ,that is his full name, a newly naturalized citizen and Houston resident, a virtual blank check to build a large family. "I love America," Abdul Rahman said. "There is so much more opportunity here than in Somalia or anywhere in Africa, and that is why I came to stay. I definitely want to build a new life here and raise a very large family, and so do my friends."

This is a based on a fictional white SOB observation on his new Somali neighbors and is just for satire and fun. Not intended for the sensitive judgementla ones. add your take here and spice things up!! just like that forwarded email circulation that originated from Dixon " u know u r somali when.." you get the point!!

Well, there goes the neighborhood. Last week, the moving van pulls up to the Petersens' old house and—yup, you guessed it—a bunch of Somalis move in. I haven't even met The Faarahs yet, but already I can't stand them: All night long, they won't stop with their damn ululating! To be honest, I haven't the foggiest notion what they're even wailing about. Maybe they're lamenting a deceased relative. Or retelling the traditional Somali folk tale The Tortoise and the fox. Or maybe they're just performing some Minghis and Saar devotional trance music. All I know is, that damn ululating of theirs is loud, it's in D-sharp, and it goes on well past 12 p.m. Next time, I'm calling the cops. Last Monday night, I'm trying to relax in my own home—which I paid for with my hard-earned American dollars, mind you, not some wad of Shilin—and enjoy the big game. The whole time, The Faarahs are out on their backyard patio, ululating up a storm! They've even got the Durbaan dulcimer and five-stringed lutes going. I try to ignore it, but, finally, I just can't take it anymore. I open my window and shout, "Hey, would you mind keeping that benadir-thumping down to a dull roar? A man can only take so much of those cylindrical, single-membrane tambourines, you know!" It usually gets better for a few days. They promise they'll try to keep it down. But like clockwork, the ululating always starts up again. And even on the days when their voices aren't raised together in a long, sorrowful cry, their teenage daughter is usually blaring that Somali pop singer Samatar out her bedroom window. As if that's an improvement. Isn't that always the way: You work hard to make a nice home for your family, and then, just when you're ready to enjoy the fruits of your labor, the whole neighborhood goes to the Somalis. They move in and, just like that, Halal Meat and Bacadleh stores start popping up on every corner. Guys are out there selling meat goat and onions right on the street corner. Next thing you know, property values are plummeting. It gets worse, though—you should see what The Faarahs have done to the Petersens' front yard! They've got handmade rugs which they call Darin and Sali hanging out to dry and some sort of pet chicken flapping around. They're laying hand-painted tiles left and right. It's an eyesore for the entire block Then there are those horrible smells that come from their house—coriander, cumin, saffron. It's awful. Haven't these Odkac-eaters ever heard of a Big Mac? spicy rice made with grilled lamb, Somali salad dribbled with lemon and oil... I've got to smell that crap seven days a week! Then, to add insult to injury, I find out that The Faarahs come from the port city of Merka. Well, I don't have to tell you what those Somali coastal types are like, especially the men. They get all hopped up on chewing Qat leaves and go out and have their way with white women. Thank God our daughters are grown up and out of the house, that's all I have to say. And I haven't even mentioned the bonfire dances they call it Nayruus or Dabshid. You know what I'm talking about. That Booraneh dance, where the woman starts out kneeling, hidden completely under a black veil. Pretty soon, her fingers are swaying to the music and, from there, it's anything goes. Before long, everyone is dancing the Niiko and Baraanbur, beating the ground rhythmically together in a circle. I won't have it! Not in my neighborhood, dammit! The way I see it, if you want to go bangy-bangy on your goatskin-topped wooden shareero drum, go back to Somalia. This is America, land of the Dallas Cowboys, John Wayne, and barbecued ribs. We don't cotton to that kind of stuff around here. Nothing, though, is worse than that incense wafting over the fence. When you smell that, you know exactly what's going on over there behind those walls. They're doing that crazy religious stuff, what with the dancing and the singing and the instruments. Damn Sufis. That's just what this country needs: more Gnostic sympathizers going on about tahajud, the total reliance on God, and dhikr, the perpetual remembrance of God. We could move, I suppose, but it probably wouldn't do any good. My brother lives over on the east side of town, and he's having the same problem with the Oromos. No place is safe these days, I tell you.

Blood, Oil, and Tears - and the 2004 Bush Campaign Strategy by Thom Hartmann The two words we never hear in the corporate media's discussion of Iraq are "oil" and "nationalism." Yet these are the keys to understanding why we got into Iraq, why we only want "limited" involvement from the U.N., why we won't succeed in stopping attacks against us in Iraq, and why George W. Bush's crony capitalism and aircraft-carrier-landing phony-warrior drama have so terribly harmed our nation and set up a disaster for our children's generation. If we stay, we'll continue to control ten percent of the world's oil (and perhaps as much as twenty percent - Iraq still has vast unexplored areas that Cheney was dividing up in his pre-9/11 Energy Task Force meetings with Halliburton and Enron). Maintaining control of Iraq's oil will keep OPEC off balance, and will keep faith with Rupert Murdoch's advice to George W. Bush before the war that cheap oil resulting from seizing Iraq's oil fields would help the American economy more than any tax cuts. (Actually, we should stop calling our invasion of Iraq a "war" - we'd already crippled the nation with 12 years of attacks and sanctions, and then sent the UN in to verify that they were helpless. It's like beating somebody senseless on the street, breaking both their legs with a baseball bat, blindfolding them, and then challenging them to fight. This was an invasion, not a war.) Thus, keeping control of Iraq's oil will help us keep our SUVs and keep faith with Poppy Bush's famous dictum that "the American lifestyle is not negotiable." And transferring the money from Iraq's oil to large corporations that heavily support Republican candidates has obvious benefits to those currently in control of the White House, Senate, House, and Supreme Court. But let's consider the future. Our occupation troops are mostly European-, Hispanic-, and African-American-ancestry Christians in an Arab Muslim land that suffered during the Crusades. Thus, we will continue to draw thousands of Jehadists who find it infinitely easier to travel to Iraq than New York, and our presence will continue to inflame nationalists passions just as the British did in their failed venture in Iraq nearly a century ago. And George W. Bush will probably lose the 2004 election, unless he can divert our attention by ginning up a war somewhere else within 13 months. On the other hand, if we declare victory and leave Iraq to its warlords and zealots (as we've done in almost all of Afghanistan except the city of Kabul), we'll lose access to all that oil, re-empower OPEC, further drive up domestic gasoline prices, and leave Iraq either as a warlord-dominated state like Afghanistan, a cleric-dominated state like Iran, or a strongman-dominated state like...well...Iraq was before we arrived. And it'll cost Arnold more to run his Hummer. Adding insult to injury, every tinpot dictator in the world will figure there's little downside in thumbing his nose at the United States, and, unless he can gin up a war somewhere else within 13 months (or once again fail to prevent another 9/11-type attack, God forbid), George W. Bush will probably lose the 2004 election. August of 2003 brought two milestones that flow directly from the invasion: the U.S. national deficit reached an all time high, surpassing for the first time in history the previous all-time record held by President G.H.W. Bush; and the price of gasoline hit an all-time high, surpassing the previous record held by President G.W. Bush. A small part of the deficit is related to the cost of the Iraq invasion and occupation, and roughly 70 percent of the positive uptick in the last quarter's economic activity was from payments to defense contractors for the invasion itself (private for-profit Republican-supporting companies get about a third of all the money we're spending every month in Iraq). Profits from the occupation help Halliburton, but don't create many jobs in Peoria. Similarly, while the price of gasoline is high in part because we've been slow to pump Iraq's oil (mostly because of looting and sabotage), it'll go even higher if we turn the administration of the oil over to a UN consortium. Every other industrialized nation in the world is aggressively working to cut reliance on oil and is ready for higher crude oil prices; the US under the Bush administration and their corporate cronies has put forth, instead, an energy policy that requires increasing amounts of foreign oil imports and will be a disaster to our nation in the face of sustained high oil prices or oil shortages. At least Bush/Cheney knew where they'd get the oil to fuel their National Energy Policy. Documents pried by a Judicial Watch lawsuit against the Cheney energy task force meetings (at http://www.judicialwatch.org/071703.c_.shtml) show that Cheney and his buddies from Enron and other energy companies had drawn up maps of Iraq's oil fields and made lists of potential corporate purchasers of Iraqi oil - all months before 9/11/01. These former oil industry executives know their priorities. When George W. Bush spoke on national television to announce the start of "war" against Iraq, he looked into the camera and asked to speak directly to the Iraqi people. He could have appealed to their nationalism, and asked them to join our soldiers (or at least not shoot at them) in toppling Saddam. He could have appealed to their knowledge of the peaceful side of Islam and asked them to go to their mosques, which we would protect from bombing, and pray for a quick resolution of the conflict. He could have apologized in advance for the death and destruction he was about to unleash on their land, that would kill many times more innocent civilians than died in the World Trade Center, and promise that the US would do our best to make it good after the war. But these were not the things on Bush's mind. Instead, he said, "And all Iraqi military and civilian personnel should listen carefully to this warning. In any conflict, your fate will depend on your action. Do not destroy oil wells..." Corporations that contribute heavily to Republican campaign coffers are now firmly in control of Iraq's oil and have started taking payment for reconstruction and supply that will amount to billions of US tax dollars. It's unlikely these multinational corporations (many of them allowed by the Republicans in Congress to reincorporate in Bermuda to avoid US taxes) will look kindly on efforts to turn control of Iraq and its oil over to the United Nations or an Arab-led consortium, even if it will mean stability in the region and will save the lives of U.S. servicemen and servicewomen, and Iraqi civilians caught in the crossfire. If Bush turns the oil and the reconstruction bonanza over to the UN, he could lose millions in campaign contributions, and Cheney's company Halliburton, which lost $498 million last year but just reported (July 31) a $26 million profit, may go back to losing so much money it can't continue the million-dollar-a-year payoff he's still receiving. George W. Bush confronts one of the most difficult choices of his life: Should he turn Iraq over to the UN and thus save the lives of our men and women in uniform, but lose the oil, the campaign cash, and probably the election? Or should he keep our troops in Iraq to protect Halliburton, Bechtel, and his other Republican corporate campaign donors, skim millions in campaign cash out of the billions these friendly corporations are being paid by American taxpayers, and hope all that money can buy enough commercials to make Americans forget about the price of gasoline, growing Iraqi nationalism, and the resulting coffins returning to America on a daily basis. Or maybe there's a third option. If the American media keep ignoring the oil, don't report on Bush's unwillingness to attend GI funerals (he'd rather take a month-long vacation and play golf), and continue to overlook the obvious connections between Iraqi nationalism and dead Americans, Bush could repeat his very successful political strategy from the middle of the fall 2002 election campaign that threw the Senate into Republican hands. He could simply declare his intention to start another war mid-2004, stimulating anti-war protests and dividing Americans, and then again use that division to paint Democrats with a yellow brush. Which will it be? Only Karl Rove knows for sure. But whichever way it goes, you can bet American taxpayers and soldiers will pay the bill in cash and blood, and democracy will be the weaker for it. Thom Hartmann (thom at thomhartmann.com) is the bestselling author of over a dozen books, including "Unequal Protection" and "The Last Hours of Ancient Sunlight," and the host of a nationally syndicated daily talk show, "The Thom Hartmann Program," that runs opposite Rush Limbaugh. www.thomhartmann.com This article is copyright by Thom Hartmann, but permission is granted for reprint in print, email, blog, or web media so long as this credit is attached and the title is unchanged.

JILLIDA SADAXAAD GUDAHA QOLKA BUKAAN JIIFKA. AXMED WAXUU DHAGEEYSANAYAA RAADIYAHA, WAXAANA RAADIYAHA KA SOCDA HEES QARAAMI AH OO HOBALLADA MAGOOL KU LUUQEEYNEESO: CODKA RAADIYAHA: Shimbarayahow heesa hees wanaagsan heesa Heesa heesa heesa hees wanaagsan heesa Kaalayoo agteeyda halkan soo fadhiista Shmibarayahow heesa heesa wanaagsan heesa! KAHLIIF BAADIYOOW WAXUU AQRISANAYAA NOVEL-KA UNCLE TOM’S CABIN. AXMED AYAA LA HADLAYA KHALIIF. AXMED: injineere goormaa kuugu danbeeysay xeebta liido, neecaawda iyo uduga badda, caramaanyadii cadeed, hirarkii weynaa ee iska daba imaanayay, shimbirihii quruxda badnaa ee badda dusheeda ku haadaayay. KHALIIF NOVEL-KUU AQRISANAYA AYUU KOOMADIINKA DUSHIISA SAARAYAA, WUU FADHIISANAYAA ISAGOO AAD MOODO INUU U RIYAAQAYO HADALKA AXMED. KHALIIF: Saaxiiboow Axmed mar hore, AXMED: Ka waran hadaan aadno badda, darbigan iyo buurtaas bacaadka badan iyo alkoeeystayaal jamaljaan ah aa naga xiga. KHALIIF: Axmed saaxiiboow waa runtaa laakiin sideey derbigaan uga boodeeysaa lug baad la’dahaye, waana og tahay inaan banaanka noola ogoleeyn oo waardiyaasha iridka weyn jooga nama arki karaane. AXMED: Ilaahayoow nimaan wax ogeeyn ha cadaabin, Injineere aniga waan buubaa ee adiga yeeysan luguha ku ciilin. AXMED IYO KHALIIF WAXEEY SI DHUUMASHA AH UGA BOODAYAAN DARBIGA ISBITAALKA. WAA DUHUR MILICDU AAD U KULUSHAHAY. DAQIIQADO KA DIB WAXEEY IMAANAYAAN BADDA. AXMED WAXU BILAABAYAA INUU XEEBTA KU ORDO. WAXUU ARKAYAA KOOX DHALINYARA AH OO BANOONI CIYAARAYA. BOORTIYEERI AMA GOOLHAYE AYEEY KA DHIGANAYAAN. KHALIIF WAXUU SEEXANAYAA XEEBTA SI UU U QOROXEEYSTO. WAXUU GALAYAA RIYO MAALMEED. KHALIIF RIYADIISA: WAA HABEEN CAWO LEH OO DADKOO DHAN WADA FARAXSAN YIHIIN. WAA XAFLADII AROOSKIISA. CARUUSADDA CAASHA XAAJI OO TAAJ QURXOON U SAARAN YAHAY AYAA DHINAC FADHIDO KHALIIF OO AAD U FARAXSAN SI HEER SARE AH U LABISAN. KOOXDA IFTIN AYAA MUSIC DABACSAN DADKA UGU RAAXEEYNEEYSA. AROOSKA AYAA LA GALBINAYAA, DUMAR AYAA MASHXARADAYA…..... BANOONI AYAA KHALIIF KU SO AG DHACAYA OO RIYO MAALMEEDKIISA KA JOOJINAYA. AXMED JERRY OO DAALAN AYAA SOO AG FADHIISANAYA. AXMED: Waan soo daalay, ciyaal kaambo iyo ciyaal wardhiigleey oo isku dhaarsan baan dhexda ka galay, alla maxa igu watay, gool baa la iga dhaliyay oo anigaa daalac la ii raacday, ka dibna waa igu xanaaqeen oo iga soo saareen ciyaarta. KHALIIF: OK, inta iska fadhiiso hee oo iska raaxeeyso. CABAAR MARKEEY AAMUSNAAYEEN AYUU AXMED BILAABAY HADAL AXMED: Injineere aan ciyaarno kisi iyo dhaban KHALIIF: OK. AXMED AYAA INTUU CALAACALIHIISA CIID KA BUUXSADAY FARAHA ISKU LAABAY KA DIBNA BILAABAY CIYAARTA KISI IYO DHABANKA. AXMED: Jek? KHALIIF : Isjiid! AXMED: HAHA…Rimoorkiisaa u jeedaa. WAA SOCOTAA ENGLISH VERSION- NOT COMING SOON

QUESTIONS GUIDELINES: ANSWER THE QUESTIONS FIRST. SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWERS 1) In what country are Panama hats made? 2) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 3) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? 4) Which animal do we get catgut from? 5) What color is a purple finch? 6) How long did the Hundred Year's War last? 7) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 8) What was King George VI's first name? 9) How long did the Thirty Years War last? 10) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? ANSWERS: 1) Ecuador 2) Squirrel fur 3) New Zealand 4) From sheep and horses 5) Distinctively crimson 6) 116 years, from 1337 to 1453 7) November. The Russian calendar was 13 days behind ours. 8) Albert. When he came to the throne in 1936 he respected the wish of Queen Victoria that no future king should ever be called Albert. 9) Thirty Years. From 1618 to 1648 10) Island of the dogs (From the Latin name Insularia Canaria

MAANAKOOBIYO! JILAYAASHA : INJINEER KHALIIF BAADIYOOW. MMOORRYAANN AXMED JERRY. DR GUUTAALE. KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO. JILLIDA KOOWAAD: GUDAHA: ISBITAALKA DADKA WAALAN LAGU XANAANEEYO FORLANINI HOSPITAL GUDAHA: QOLKA BUKAAN JIIFKA: LABA SARIIR OO GO’YAAL CAD CAD LAGU GOGLAY AYAA DHEX YAALA QOLKA. SARIIRTA DHINACA BIDIX WAXAA AG YAAL KOOMADIIN EEY SAARAN YIHIIN KITAABKA QURAANKA, TUSBAX LAGU WARDIYO, JARAA’IDKA AL-AHRAM, JARAA’IDKA PANORAMA IYO UNCLE TOM’S CABIN NOVEL. SARIIRTA DHINACA MIDIG WAXAA AG YAAL KOOMADIIN EEY SAARAN YIHIIN DHALAYAREEY CAANO GEEL’ OO GAROOR AH, LIIN BAMBEELMO IYO RADIO. QOLKA WAXAA SOO GALAYA AXMED MADOOBE OO KU MAGAC DHEER JERRY IYO KHALIIF BAADIYOOW OO KU MAGAC DHEER INJINEERE. JERRY WAXUU AHAAN JIRAY MMOORRYYAANN ISBAARO WEYN OO AFRTA JARDEENO KU TAAL FADHIISAN JIRAY. DHAAWAC XUN AYAA LUGTA KA SOO GAARAY, KA DIBNA WUU QAFIIFAY. KHALIIF BAADIYOOW WAXUU AHAA INJINNER DHINACA KORNATADA, WAXUU KA SHAQEEYN JIRAY SALDHIGA KORNTADA EE JAZIIRA INTAAN LA BILILIQEEYSAN. XAASKIISII IYO CARUURTIISABA WAXEEY KU DHINTEEN MADFAC DAWAAF AH OO GURIGOODA KU HABSADAY. QARAACAN IYO WAALI AYUU ARINTAAS KA QAADAY. LABADAN NIN MUDDO SEDDAX BILOOD AH AYAA LAGU HAAYAY ISBITAALKA DHIMIRKA EE FORLANINI. KHALIIF: Saaxiib Jerry, aniga dhaqtar Guutaale ayaan la hadalay, waxaana u sheegay inaan caafimaad qabo oon bogsaday, waxaana ka codsaday in la iga qaado imitixaan (psychiatric examination) si aan meeshaan uga baxo. AXMED: injineeere nin xun ba tahay, maxaa iila socodsiin weeyday arintaas. Anigaba balaayo waan ka caafimaad qabaa. Hadda ayaan u sheegayaa dhaqtar Guutaale in anigana imtixaankaas la I mariyo, ileeyn meeshan kaligeey ma joogi karee hadaad adiga ka tagtid. WAXAA QOLKA SOO GALAYA KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO. KHEEYRTO: Maalin wanaagsan. AXMED: Wanaagsan kheeyrto, xaloo dhan baan kuugu riyoonayay ee adigana ma igu riyootay? KHALIIF: Wanaagsan kalkaaliso kheeyrto: KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO WAA YARA DHOOLA CADEEYNEEYSAA, WAXEEYNA KU QOREEYSAA DIIWAAN GALIYAHEEDA KALTANKA DAAWA SIINTA BUKAANKA. KHEEYRTO: OK, injineere adiga daawada waa laga joojiyay oo uma baahnid, laakiin Axmed adiga waa inaad qaadatid laba kaniini oo Valium ah caawa. AXMED: VALIUM la’aantiis dhimasho waaye laakiin laba waa igu yar tahay ee ii badi sidii qaloon aan u quutee. KHEEYRTO: Maya , adiga laba ka badan ma u baahnid. Khaliif adigana berito sagaalka aroornimo waxaad leedahay imtixaan ee la soco oo ha ka soo daahin balanta. Dr. Guutaale ayaa ku arkaya. AXMED: Marwo Kheeyrto anigaba waan inaan imtixaanka galaa ee igu xijiya Khaliif. U sheeg Dr. Guutaale inaan diyaar ahay. KHEEYRTO: Waa Hagaag Axmed. KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO WAA QOSLEEYSAA OO QOLKA KA BAXEEYSAA. JILLIDDA LABAAD: GUDAHA QOLKA DR. GUUTAALE: DR. GUUTAALE IYO KAALKAALISO KHEEYRTO WAXEEY ISU DIYAARINAYAAN INEEY IMTIXAAN DHINACA MASKAXDA AH KA QAADAAN BUKAAN JIIFKA KAHLIIF IYO AXMED. GUDAHA QOLKA SUGITAANKA: AXMED IYO KHALIIF AYAA WAXEEY SUGAYAAN IN LOO YEERO SI IMTIXAANKA LOOGA QAADO. SHEEKADAN AYAA DHEX MAREEYSA. AXMED: Injineere waa og tahay inaan waxna qorin waxna aqrin oo fdamiin dab ka dhuus ahay ee meesha iga tiiri oo imtixaanka ii qish. Markaad soo baxdid oo soo dhameeysatid imtixaanka ee sheeg waxaad ku jawaabtay. KHALIIF : Waa yahay jerry, waan kuu sheegayaa jawaabaha hadii eey ku anfacayaan. KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO AYAA U YEEREEYSA KHALIIF BAADIYOOW. KHALIIF AYAA ISTAAGAYA OO ABAARAYA QOLKA DR. GUUTAALE. DR. GUUTAALE: Subax wanaagsan injineere, imtixaanka ma aha mid sidaa u badan ee diyaar ma tahay. KHALIIF: Haa Dottore. DR.GUUTAALE: Waa su’aal waxaad ka soo qaadaa inaad joogtid maqaayad cunto ayaad dalbatay, waxaa laguu keenay Saxan baasto ah, insalaato, moos iyo koob isbarmuuto ah. Waxaa kaloo miiska yaala qaado, fargeeto, middi iyo istiraasho.maxaad sameeyn laheeyd? Sidee baad u cuni laheeyd. KHALIIF: Waa sahal taas Dottore, baastada waxaan ku cuni lahaa qaadada iyo fargeetada. Saladkana sidoo kale fargeetada loogu tala galay. Biyaha waan cabi lahaa. Mooska waan diiranayaa oo cunayaa, istiraashadana afka ayaan ku tirtiranayaa. DR. GUUTAALE: OK. Imtixaanka intaas ayuu ku ek yahay Khaliif. Kalkaaliso Kheerto ayaa kula soo xiriireeyso si eey natiijada kuugu sheegto. KHALIIF WAXUU KA BAXAYAA QOLKA, WAXAA KU SOO ORDAYA AXMED OO RABA IN LOO QISHO . AXMED: Ii sheeg maxaad ku jawaabtay? KHALIIF: Su’aasha hore waxaa ku jawaabtaa qaado iyo fargeeto ayaan ku cunayaa, tan labad waa diiranayaa, tan ku xigtana waan fiiqanayaa KHALIIF QOLKIISA AYUU ABAARAYAA. KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO WAA U JEEDAA OO MAQLEEYSAA SHEEKADA LABADAN BUKAAN DHEXMAREEYSA. KALKAALISO KHEEYRTO AYAA U WACEEYSA AXMED AXMED AYAA SOO GALAYA QOLKA DR. GUUTAALE. AXMED: Dottore aniga diyaar baan ahay ee waxaad su’aal aduunka ku heeyso soo daa. DR. GUUTAALE: OK! Su’aasha koowaad, waxaad joogtaa xeebta liido, badda ayaad ku dabaalaneeysaa. Waxaa laguu sheegay digniin ah in libaax badeed ( Pesce cane ) xeebta ku soo dhawaaday, maxaad sameeyn laheeyd? AXMED: Taas sahal waaye. Qaado iyo fageeto aan u qaadanayaa o ku cunayaa. KALKAALISO KHEERTO OO HOOS KA QOSLEEYSA AYAA DIIWAAN GELINEEYSA JAWAABTA AXMED JERRY. DR. GUUTAALE: waxaad joogtaa meel duur ah oo bahalo badan dhurwaa ayaad aragtay, maxaad sameeyn laheeyd? AXMED: Waan cabi lahaa. DR. GUUTAALE: Ka soo qaad inaad banooni ciyaareeysid ood goolhaye tahay, banooni ayaa laguugu soo laaday, maxaad sameeyn laheeyd? AXMED: Waan fiiqan lahaa oo cuni lahaa. DR. GUUTAALE: OK, Axmed su’aalihii waa dhamaadeeyn, waxaa natiijada kula socodsiinayaa kalkaaliso Kheerto. AXMED WAXUU AADAYAA QOLKIISA OO SARIIRTIISA AYUU XABAD XABAD ISUGU TUURAYAA. WAA SOCOTAA ENGLISH VERSION- NOT COMING SOON

Published on Wednesday, August 27, 2003 by CommonDreams.org A People-Less Country? by Brigitte Schön For many Europeans, a holiday in America used to be a holiday from bad manners and unhelpful and often ill-tempered officials, salespersons, and other contemporaries whose help you might need at a given moment. In the States (contrary to the home scenario), friendly and eternally cheerful people would go out of their way to think of often original solutions to your problem, and it was always a culture shock to return to your own society which had problems spelling “service,” let alone eventually provide that service with anything but the face of someone who auditioned for the role of a galley slave in “Ben Hur.” No longer. While a substantial part of Europeans working in the service industry have, after dire and costly intensive total-immersion courses, been coerced to force their tongues to mouth the formerly unspeakable “How can I help you?” and actually surprisingly often DO provide something resembling real help and service nowadays, a European in America AND in need of help today encounters a veritable Iron Curtain of voice mail, impenetrable computer-like humans and interactive toll-free numbers which normally end up in some Third World country far away from the actual problem. I.e. any actual human telephone interaction in the USA is increasingly taking place only with people who are outside the USA. The European is puzzled. Is this supposed to be progress? Who is supposed to benefit from this so-called progress? Is there still anybody out there in America? Where are the PEOPLE? Is America maybe just a hologram? What’s worse, the painfully visible removal of actual person-to-person communication from much of American everyday life strikes the European traveler as incredibly inefficient. And one wonders what has become of America. And why. Saturday, August 2: Suitcase doesn’t make the transition from flight Vienna-Paris to Air France/Delta flight Paris-Atlanta. Passenger does. On arrival, passenger is paged in Atlanta and is told that waiting for suitcase is superfluous, suitcase still in Paris. Passenger told to go on to end destination Oklahoma City and file a lost luggage report. Passenger beams: Highly efficient work. US truly running up to expected customer-friendly form. Airline saved passenger nail-biting wait in vain at baggage collection carrousel. In Oklahoma City’s Will Roger International Airport, passenger dutifully files lost luggage report and is told that she will be contacted as to the whereabouts. Sunday, August 3: No-one calls. 3pm: Passenger finally calls Delta baggage hotline via toll-free number and audibly ends up in India. Is told that suitcase will arrive Sunday night, having left Paris on Delta, Sunday morning Paris time. Passenger briefly wonders why a Business Class passenger’s luggage wasn’t put on next plane to America instead of waiting 24 hours by Delta but decides against bothering Bombay or Calcutta with question. It is agreed that passenger will call later to tell whether she will pick up suitcase herself or wait for Delta’s delivery service to do job. Passenger is assured that delivery service works around the clock anyway. Passenger, true to European MOs, tries to contact Will Rogers International (!) Airport to get local Delta desk and, after having tried out every number, including “baggage claims,” discovers that entire airport is only manned by answering machines during weekend – needless to say, machines do not return any calls at all. Passenger hopes air traffic controllers still human at Will Rogers. Passenger hitherto unaware that international airports only operate fully from Mon to Fri 9 to 5. Passenger wonders how this tallies with security measures after 9/11. Taken care of by voice mail? 7.30pm: Passenger wants to find out whether luggage has arrived - true to Old Europe’s custom, romantically pictures contacting human being at airport who knows about suitcase. Will Rogers Airport still 100% incommunicado, hence passenger gets in touch with India again. Bombay or Calcutta assure passenger that luggage has arrived, it is agreed that luggage will be delivered to address within next 4 hours. Passenger supposed to be contacted by delivery company by phone. 11.00pm: No suitcase, no phone call. Passenger decides to queue up to enquire about weather in India again. Contemplates future holiday in India to get expert help on the spot next time. India tells passenger that both delivery company and airport in Oklahoma City totally incommunicado also for them – tapes only. India at a loss as well. Monday, Aug 4, 8am: No calls, no suitcase, airport still incommunicado. Passenger again queues up for 15 minutes to phone her Indian friends. India tells passenger that suitcase seemingly has been picked up by delivery company at 7am (weren’t they supposed to be on call 24 hrs?) who will contact passenger about delivery, suitcase should arrive within 2 to 3 hrs. 11am: No calls, no suitcase. Passenger calls India again and is told delivery can last up to 6 hrs. India cannot access delivery company since company only has a tape running. Passenger tries to solve problem on the spot. Airport’s baggage claim number still tape only. Probably only IS a tape. Passenger sees America’s quagmire in Iraq in new light: US officials in Iraq probably only communicating with local population the Delta and Will Rogers International Way. But Arabs very much into personal contact. Maybe problems in Baghdad even addressed by toll-free hotlines manned by people in Cambodia and Fiji? Thought no longer unlikely. Passenger finally reaches airport administration. First human contacted at Will Rogers after 36hrs, or so passenger thinks. Lady unable to give any phone numbers for Delta or lost luggage at her airport. Sees nothing, hears nothing, says nothing. Seems that also airport employees have to use airlines’ toll-free grid and ensuing phone queues to get in touch with airlines in same building. Lady has no explanation why an international airport is unreachable for 2 full days but seems to find this natural. Passenger wonders if Lady is a computer since no independent thinking ability detectable. Passenger suddenly wonders how come Americans managed to land on moon if nobody ever feels responsible for anything and doesn’t talk to anybody and everybody only sounds like reading standard phrases from manuals, but passenger remembers that this happened a long time ago when they probably still talked to each other personally. 1pm: No calls, no suitcase. Passenger tries airport again to hunt down suitcase whereabouts. True to own cultural heritage, passenger demands to talk to airport manager. Is connected to secretary. Secretary repeats standard phrases and has no explanation why airport is unable to come up with any phone number of local Delta or luggage people. Passenger nostalgically remembers lost luggage incident in Harare, Zimbabwe, and feels sudden deep surge of yearning for efficiency and humanity of Harare airport and other Third World locations. Cairo airport appears in brief mad hallucination as height of efficiency. Advent of insanity clearly imminent. 1.30pm: Passenger tries Delta information hotline to get Oklahoma City Delta representative number and gets airport’s Travel Aid number instead. Delta airline representatives in Oklahoma obviously as real as Monster of Loch Ness. Passenger had thought that Will Rogers Airport and Delta did not even know each other, which had been airport’s eternal assurance, and is amazed. No tape this time. Real Life Man does not know which delivery company is used by Delta and has no Delta desk number either. Passenger gently talks Real Life Man into walking over to Delta desk and ask. Man finally agrees, though clearly unusual demand in this country. Passenger suddenly understands high consumption of antidepressants and mind-altering substances in America. Wonders where to get any of above in Oklahoma. Passenger gets delivery company number and name, “Sooner.” Gets tape when contacting phone number, leaves phone number. Passenger, after swearing never again to foul mouth the airports of Vienna, Paris, Brussels and London Heathrow, tries to find “Sooner’s” office in Yellow Pages instead. In “Sooner State” Oklahoma, “Sooner” not exactly rare name. All likely Sooners contacted manned by humans. But Relevant Sooner has tape running. Passenger finds herself revisiting her classical European abhorrence of private ownership of firearms. 2.00pm: One and only Sooner finally calls passenger. Promises delivery until 3.30pm. Suitcase arrives at 4. Delivered by a nice real life man. Passenger sees America’s (until now incomprehensible) religious fervor and obvious need to pray a lot with new eyes. Brigitte Schön is an international conference interpreter of Austrian nationality and lives in Vienna.

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WARAABE WARAABE A THRID PARALLEL STORY,BASED ON QUASI FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. FADE IN: waxay dibad yaaliyeen nin tiisa u door ahaa in loo dawaray rabeen, da'diisa nimaan baryeen waxay ka dhigeen dadkii af iyo labadiisa daan, duugii ubadkay cuneen, wixii jiray bay dubteen, dusuud madhan bay dhigeen halkii beri doobi yiil waxay danbas tuumiyeen rugtii digo loo yiqiin, duxdii noloshay tireen waxay debciyeen naftii FADE OUT: 1. INT.VERY DARK ROOM - DIMLY LIT BY A LAMP - NIGHT A husband, a very old weak and feeble man, WARAABE is sitting across a small wooden bed. His sick son, BAKEYLE is kind sleepy. WARAABE, murmuring some Koran verses, puts his hand on his son’s forehead. BAKEYLE’s ivory eyes slowly open. He moans with some pain. CUT TO: 2. EXT. OUTSIDE WARAABE’S HOUSE A very young boy, CURRE, laden with AK47, chewing Qat, hears gunfire and heads to the direction of the fire. FADE TO BLACK: SCREEN TITLE READS: AUGUST 19, 1984 3. INT. MOGADISHU STADIUM - An overcrowded stadium stands fans all up and cheering, as the third place marathon runner, WARAABE enters into the track. Ahead of him, about 200m, are the first and second place runners. VOICE OVER: Waxaa iminka soo galay garoonka ordaaga weeyn ee Somaaliyeed Waraabe. “ Subtitle: The great Somali marathon runner has entered the track.” CUT TO: CLOSE UP: WARAABE, tired but determined, running his last lap, crosses the finish line. He continues running a victory lap. Fans all over the stadium,cheering and applauding for his third place victory. CUT TO: 4. EXT: WARAABE riding his donkey cart is heading to Suuqa Bakaaraha. He is whistling and singing. WARAABE Cakuye howl aduun badanaa, ma cidla ciirsi baan faddhiyaa, dhul kaa dheer cir kaa dheer caweeysin ma guuraa!! Weey igu ciiran tahay taladuyee haa haa! Culeeys baa I saaranee ! aloow ciilkan iga bixi!. CUT TO : 5. EXT. IN A VERY BUSY INTERSECTION. We see a crowd of people, running to every direction, women crying, men, old and young, all shouting. It is a very violent chaotic situation. CLOSE UP: A dead bloodied body of young boy shot, AK47 gun lying beside his corpse. LONG SHOT: WARAABE, riding his donkey cart, approaches the intersection. He sees the crowd and gets off , halts his donkey. He comes to the crowd and talks to an elderly man. WARAABE War maxaa meeshan ka dhacay? THE OLD MAN Mid baa lagu dilay meesha, oo saaka ******** baa meeshan isku heshay. MID SHOT: WARAABE hastily goes to the place the dead body lays, piercing through the crowd of people gathered around the body. CLOSE UP: The face of the killed young boy. CLOSE UP: WARAABE’S face. He recognizes the face of the dead boy. It is his youngest son BAKEYLE. WARAABE, kneeling down slowly, tears on his eyes, hugs his dead son’s body. He looks up the crowd sadly. WARAABE Waa wiilkeeyga! Yaa dilay? War maro ee keena aan ku dado meeydkiisa! Tol beelayeey! War yaa dilay? FADE OUT: --- TO BE CONTINUED --- WARAABE - A SHORT SOMALI FLICK