^ Lol:D The president of Somalia, Culosow has been diagnosed with a severe case of jubalanditis. It is reported that a beleaguered population who want their president to get well have sought the aid of the two most leading specialists in the treatment of jubalanditis. These Doctors are Dr. farataag and Dr. faroole who both are adamant that our dear president can only be treated with strong dose of reality and have prescribed a daily course of constitutional tablets-- the federal kind:D

Good job Jubaland!! They should have done so the very first time Culosow started asking,"federalism muxuu yahay iyo labo qabiil lama dhihin" nonsense. I'd encourage Faroole to cut ties as well, until Culosow is willing to respect and abide by the constitution the Somali people agreed to and that he took an oath to adhere to.

^ Mr Blondy, am still baking more installments for the fadhikudirir Sol Saga, and rest assured you will be pleased once your character gets introduced. God willing, it is my intent to weave many other nomads into that story as well, and even though I hit a wall sometimes with the plots and sub plots, I just gotta keep my imagination on its toes...

^ Ngonge, if only you knew how wonderful the guru truly thinks you are, you'd blush-- I tell ya! As an aside, what boggles the mind is why would he take offense when he was never mentioned in that story, or has inspired fiction become reality on SOL these days.

LOL:D...Odeygii looks like a modern day geeljire model. Keep up the good work Mr Governor.

Haatu;955692 wrote: A national government i.e. a government for ALL of Somalia. And without such a government we will be a failed state like the previous 20+ years. Why is this hard to understand? Faroole is complaining for the sake of complaining. The central government in Xamar has messed up with J/land but they haven't as far as I know said they reject federalism or changed the constitution. As for Culusow's remarks that federalism and the constituion are not set in stone until an afti qaran, I agree 100%. As for your last point, sheer backwardness is all that comes to mind. If you want to be rich and retire in comfort in your country with your camels, Somalis must share resources because some regions are barren deserts (such as yours), whereas others have mighty rivers and cultivated fields, some have oil and some don't etc. There's plenty to go round. From a baseless and wild allegation such as "Faroole and co want the balkanization of Somalia" to a more nuanced statement like "Faroole is complaining for the sake of complaining"--is indeed proof that progress has been made in your education, Mr.Haatu Now back to the topic at hand, we do not need a "national" government for Somalia to succeed. And for your info, Somalis have never had genuine national government. I know they tried to implement one right after Somalia gained independence and we all know how that project ended. Federalism is the only viable option we have left to us to move forward. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's gonna be a walk in the park. In fact, it will be very difficult, as the Jubaland issue proves, but in the end we will thrive under it. Finally, back to my "barren" lands. Walaale, my barren desert is mine and I am content with it. I am not the one looking to get to take control of other people's lands and resources. I am ready and willing to share my meager deserts with you only if you're willing and ready to share your lands of milk and honey with me under a federal resource sharing agreement where justice and equality is ensured. Anything else is a non-starter!

^ War ka kac meesha waryaa. Everybody is going nuts over Kismayu issues!

Haatu;955659 wrote: As for my opinion on federalism, it's not my preferred choice as I would rather a decentralised unitary state but that's not likely any time soon. As for the country developing properly I stick with my statement that it can't be done without a national government because without it Somalia remains a failed state. . War maxaad u kala hadleysaa? You say you would rather have a decentralized state, and in the same breath you turn around and proclaim Somalia will remain a failed a state unless we have a "national governent" meaning..it should remain centralized. Haatu, It is best when debating a point to know exactly what it is you're trying to debate. Now putting aside your bipolarity. Faroole does not want "a looser type of federalism" as you say. What Faroole wants is simply what he signed up the people of Puntland for when he took part in the road map that led to our current federal system. Nothing more, nothing less!(I keep repeating this, because I want you to get it through your head this simple fact, which it seems you find difficult to do so) And finally, your last statement that you believe all Somalis have equal rights to all the resources in Somalia. NONSENSE! Saaxiib, what is mine is mine and what is yours is yours! Now if you want us to share our respective resources equitably and fairly, and help each other develop and thrive under the umbrella of the Somali Federal flag, then welcome. Otherwise, adaa cirka roob ku og!

Macallinka;955658 wrote: I also don't like the way reer Puntland websites are covering these stories , one title reads : Waftigi DF oo Muqdisho lagu celinayo ayakoo aan Kismaayo galin .....they are just adding more fuel to the fire. War waxaan oo kale ayaa adduunyada yaaacaya! What do you mean Puntland websites are adding fuel to the fire? Is it not true that Culusow's men have been refused entry into Kismayu city? Huh? Please, next time desist from making such silly statements! Many non-Puntlander owned websites have ALSO reported that story and for you to only single out those guys and paint them as folks with other sinister motives is quite frankly hogwash and puerile.

^ No. Only the laangaabs can't be mentioned on SOL

Haatu;955585 wrote: To the Faroole apologists, what Faroole wants is a Somali confederacy not a federation, going by his actions and demands in the past 2 years. I believe that a confederacy will be the final nail in the coffin for what once was Somalia. As for their stance with regards to the resources, it is illegal first and firmost under international law as those oil blocks in question have already been signed off to other foreign companies. What Faroole should be arguing for is a renegotiation of the terms, not short-changing the Somali people accepting peanuts in return for a few million so he can continue the Faroole Inc. hegemony. Secondly, if all regions follow in his footstep, how are we to move on? How is reconstruction to be restarted? Politics aside, how is the central government to get revenues? As for wadani, his sheeko is clan-supremacy and an imagined superiority. Once again, waxaad lasoo shir tagtey, hearsay and gossip. From what we know, unless you can submit to the gallery here otherwise, Faroole has never called for a Somali Confederacy. In fact, contrary to that, he took part as one of the stakeholders who helped establish the Somali Federal Government. Secondly, you once again make unsubstantiated wild statements, such as "it is illegal first and foremost under international law as those oil blocks in question have already been signed off to other foreign companies", yet you do not provide when, to whom and who "signed off" those hydrocarbon blocks? See here, Haatu, your problem is that you refuse to acknowledge the reality that the only form of government that Somalis can come together under is through a federal system, because you keep making statements like,"how is the central government to get revenues" inferring that unless Xamar gets full control of all the resources of Somalia, then we cannot develop our country. You, sir, are flawed in this thinking. What you fail to understand is that the resources of Somalia belong to the people, and not a central entity in Xamar. Get that through your head! The people, through their respective federated states, will decide the fate of their blood and treasure. The fed's only job is to help facilitate this. Nothing more, nothing less.

Haatu;955511 wrote: These guys are the real obstacle to peace in Somalia. If given their way Somalia has no hope. The sooner Faroole and his ilk are disposed of, the better for everyone. Haatu, aren't you being a bit rash with such a reckless statement here? Love it or loathe it saaxiib, Faroole is doing a great job by insisting the federal government in Xamar abide by the federal constitution, which in this day and age, is the only tool we have that can bring divided Somalis together. Putting aside your senseless knee jerk reaction to anything to do with Puntland, can you tell us, what is wrong with Puntland and the Somali people who live there having full control of the resources under their feet? That press statement simply reiterated that Puntland retains full sovereignty over its territory until such a time that all other Somalis, through their respective federated states, come to the table and agree to share everything we possess as a Somali people in an equitable and fair manner. Marka ninyahow wax nafac leh meesha la imow!-- Hadal ma aha, "Faroole and co want the balkanization of Somalia". What evidence do you have to support such wild claims? Do you even know what the term "balkanization" refers to?

^ So you still believe I am Ngonge. You flatter me walaal, but I am not Ngonge. And not to diss you or anything but your paranoia in here is fast becoming similar to the one experienced by the old fella in the story penned above. Oodka, please take a break from the computer ninyahow! P.S Naga daa dee isn't a trademark of Ngonge's:D

^ Oodka, walaale, waan ku la kaftamayey! Naga daa dee. Adigu ma iska caroonaysaa? I thought you had a thicker skin than that.

^ I think Oodka you have me confused for someone else walaal. I am not Ngonge. I happen to be a card carrying member of the defeated lot of SOL. So stop explicitly revealing yourself through such private messages. And also don't take this post too seriously saaxiib. I just penned it for the sake of sh!ts & giggles. P.S I didn't know you held Ngonge in such high esteem...lol:D

^ Culosow only wants the Kenyans to impose his authority on the people of Kismayu. He wants Kenya to go forcibly go against the wishes of the people Jubaland to democratically and independently form their own regional administration. The Kenyans are not foolish and refuse to take sides in what is clearly becoming a clan v clan political tussle in Jubaland. Culosow is hopeless and hapless. Better luck next time!

^ LOL :D:D Ceeb Oodka! Maxaad u caytamaysaa saaxiib? What gives ninyahow? or better yet, as one of the characters in the story had inquired, “Odey maxaa ku daaray, why you so worked up?”

^ Walaale Malistar, it seems you're on the verge of a major nervous breakdown regarding these Jubaland issues. War ninyahow, bal take a week off from the Somali tabloid news portals and this forum...it is not worth loosing your sanity over this crap.

^ Thanks bro. Tell me, which nomad in the politics section do you think inspired me to write this piece?

The police need to be given explicit instructions by the leadership to robustly go after these criminals, or else nothing will deter this epidemic.

A senile old man can be seen prowling the streets of a quiet London neighborhood. He appears inebriated and is walking as if he's about to take flight any minute now, and when it seems that he’s going to capsize he briefly adjusts his balance by readjusting his position. The inebriated dolt repeats this process every other minute as he dodders aimlessly down the street. On his head he’s wearing a tightly wrapped keffiyeh with the colors of the somaliland flag imprinted on it. He's holding a black walking stick in front of him and he has khat leaves stuffed in the pockets of his tattered striped slacks. It is obvious this pitiful sight hasn't bathed in days or brushed his green teeth in weeks. He smells like road kill and he looks even worse. The senile old man can vaguely be heard mumbling to himself. “The pirates are after me, they’re after me, the defeated lot are after me,” His voice shudders with fear and shifts from coherent to barely distinctive at random intervals. “They’re coming to get us. They will never stop I tell you! They want to dismantle somaliland.” The senile old man stops, looks around nervously and checks his surroundings as though watching if he's been followed before continuing to mumble unintelligibly. “No, no, no. Never! They will never get us. My excellent pedigree won’t allow it. We shall sacrifice our lives for somaliland” The disgusting stink of bakhti overwhelms the summer air as the senile old man prowls about the pavement. He contorts his nose and crinkles his face in a horrid wince as a gust of wind blows his own repulsive stench back into his nostrils. He’s full of crap and he knows it. The senile old man thinks back to all the somaliaonline forum wars he'd engaged with the defeated lot and says to himself ‘Never show any signs of weakness, never surrender,’ the filth-soaked cretin reminds himself sarcastically. The senile old man smiles a grotesque smile while attempting to recollect all his past glories on his favorite internet gallery. He remembered a post about a caravan started by someone called a ‘Xiin Faniin’. He vaguely remembered sparring daily with a guy referred to as Abtigiis & Tolka. He also remembered participating in long jousts with random defeated lot minions on the forum where he bored them to death with his long mind-numbing posts for weeks on end without showering or getting any sleep. He recalled feeling like the walls were closing in on him once when he had an exchange with a fella called General Duke, which for the first time in his life had caused him to pack his stuff and leave the internet cafe and go out for a walk. Where is that General Duke anyway, he hasn't posted for ages? The senile old man silently wonders as he scratches his bald head under the Keffiyeh. “IF HE EVER GETS BACK ON SOL...” he says out loud to no-one in particular. The senile old man turns around and walks in the opposite direction intending to go home but he doesn’t recognize where he is. “What the hell!? Acuudu bilaah? Why am I in Soho? I don’t bloody live here!” he exclaims. He starts walking haphazardly in every direction trying to figure out where his home is and how he got there. He’s looking and feeling very bewildered, even more-so than previously, but before he can figure out that he's rightly in Soho and that his home is, in fact, located in Soho and just a few blocks away, the senile old man loses his bearings again, pirouettes and trips over an uneven spot in the sidewalk. His decrepit body spasms and he falls flat on face smashing his already crooked nose into the pavement. A loud yelp can be heard as he drops noisily onto the ground. The pitiful old man uses his wrinkled hands to wipe away the gruesome mixture of drool, snot and blood dripping from his mouth and nose before standing up again. A group of Somali men approach from the opposite direction. A young man holding hands with a beautiful looking Somali lady, their grips making them appear like an inseparable couple, a GQ looking gentleman with heavily conditioned hair wearing a pair of white-washed Levi jeans and a FC Bayern Munich football jersey, and another completely casual-looking guy speaking Somali to his friends who seem completely engrossed in the story he is narrating to them. As they approach towards him, the senile old man becomes incredibly hyperactive and his voice goes shrill. He believes that he knows them all. He’s waving his hands back and forth and tries to shoo them away. His cries become louder as his nervous shrieks transform into belicose shouts directed towards the pedestrians. “No. NO. NO!!!” The frail old man shouts with all of his might. “I told you defeated lot to stay away from me,” he backs away nervously, the pitch in his voice increasing as his anger grows. “I didn’t do anything to you! I never meant anything bad by my posts. Honest. So you won’t get rid of me that easily!” The crazy old man glares at the passerby's and they can see that his marqaan debilitated eyes are bloodshot from too many hours of chewing khat. “somaliland's independence is non-nogotiable! NEVER! And I won’t give you an excuse to make us look bad in the eyes of the international community. Viva somaliland!” The pedestrians glance at each other perplexed, wondering what on earth he’s talking about and what this somaliland that he’s referring to got to do with them. They quickly glance around to see if there’s anyone else nearby that this old man could be talking to. When they see that no-one else is around, they laugh out loud. “It’s a conspiracy! You want to tarnish our image!” The senile old man shouts again. “what proof do you pirates have that pedophilia is rampant in Hargaysa?” “Awoowe, ma anagaad nala hadlaysaa? Says the kid who was speaking Somali. “Yeah, no kidding Cabdi,” his homeboy adds in support, before blowing a kiss at the sexy Somali girl he’s holding hands with. “Odey maxaa ku daaray, why you so worked up?” The senile old man takes these simple questions as signs of hostility typical in the nature of the defeated lot. His first impulse is to scream for help and run away, but no…he’s in no condition to run at the moment. “You will not besmirch our good name. I know Faroole is out to get me just because I am a staunch defender of Maandeeq!” He sneers at the young men and flashes his green rotting teeth, “somaliland is independent and I don’t care if you laugh at me. I know it’s true because Beesha Caalamka has said Somalia and somaliland should have talks.” The young group looks at each other for a brief second before bursting out laughing in perfect unison. The slender Somali chick who was holding hands with the debonaire looking guy steps forward and wags her index finger defiantly at the crazy old man before speaking. “Awoowe, waad wareersantahay, gurigaagi aan ku geeyo.” She looks at him up and down feeling sorry for him, while holding back another giggle. “Tan labaad, maxaa kaligaa habeen barkii ku socodsiiyey?. Her boyfriend chimes in, "He's just a street drunk looking for some money. Odey, you need to go home and judging by your smell I’m guessing that you need a good bath too.” He turns to his buddies and lowers his voice, “You guys have any loose change to give to this nutcase? The dude wearing the FC Bayern Munich football jersey says,"Saaxiib, even if I had some change I wouldn't give it to that nasty drunk". The young men shake their heads at each other and laugh as they continue walking...

^ That's what she said...

Culosow supporters: Please continue providing all of us such great entertainment. :D:D

Abtigiis;954542 wrote: In other countries, it is called political satire. It is a profession for people. In Somalia, unfortunately, because of our delicate situation, it is dangerous. Still, if you remove the vitriol, from poetic point of view, it is a terrific gabay. The message is bad, but so were many of the most memorable poems in the Gubba series and other classical Somali poems. I loved when he said "datsuur iyo maxaa nooga dan ah wararka ". Maaddeey, stop this nonsensical calls for censorship. Gabay iyo wixii jira waa la dhagaysan karaa. It is not like posting a gabay means endorsing it. Afterall, if it were your decision, we know you have chopped some girl's hands in this site for writing private messages to boys. Meesha mintidnimada iyo censorship ka kala tag. "Censorship is telling a man he cannot eat steak because a baby cannot chew it." -- Mark Twain

Oodweyne;954509 wrote: Tilmook, He never said anything. But some politically outsmarted cretin (who seen his game plan in jubbaland came to nothing) thought that he can be clever-by-half and put out some bogus poem purporting to come from Hassan Sheikh out there. Oodka, have you been huffing benzine lately? What's with all these conspiracy theories anyway?