The Onion must be browsing this thread Man Dives Haphazardly Into Conversation Like Wounded Osprey BLOOMFIELD, CT—Local man Alan Heller, 37, hovered near a gathering of acquaintances for 30 seconds and then plunged haphazardly into their conversation, much like an osprey with a clipped wing and poor depth perception that spirals wildly into the sea. Heller reportedly saw the group engaged in a discussion, circled twice when he thought he recognized something on the surface of the conversation, and then dove in with the suddenness and lack of grace characteristic of severely injured diurnal sea hawks, asking those around him if they were indeed talking about popcorn. "It was sad to watch," said Amy Messer, who witnessed the pathetic event. "Why didn't anyone put him out of his misery?"

Che, it's not American ignorance that bothers people. It's their ignorance combined with their aggressive bent. People who say things like "We should bomb X back to the Stone Age" but can't place X on the map should be forced to attend remedial school. Mongolians might be perfectly clueless about the rest of the world, but as long as they don't go on another rampage across the Asian steppes nobody cares.

Malika, yeah I looked it up. I was just shocked at how little she wore. No Serenity, I can't. I would have to take a deep breath and hold it for one. Che, the same thing as one does at regular parties, but in funny or topical costumes. Hey, how about a pirate? I'm getting teased for it, might as well go with the flow.

Morning everyone. Same here Ibti, on less than 4 hours of sleep I was thinking of going as Xena: Warrior Princess for a halloween party. But I'd forgotten what she wore :eek:

Kind of lame really, is it an email forward from some not so bright co-worker? Me: Doing what the Southerner is doing but screaming what the Democrat is thinking. BANG! Can't we just discuss this!? BANG BANG! Have you thought about taking some classes at the community college!? You don't have to be terrorist, there are other options! BANG BANG!Oh God he's dead! But I can't be sure! BANG! Don't worry I'll call an ambulance! And I know CPR!

Congratulations Ibti! How is graduating with merit "average"? Woman waad waalantahay, to quote you (now that you've got an advanced degree your words will have more weight ) LOL @ young wife in Manchester.

Nephthys, how about you tell me where you get these padded panties and we can discuss weight gain secrets? Geeljire, lol, bimodal distribution all the way eh? Cabdiyo, I hope you're recovering from the surgery and eating better now. There are nutrition drinks if you're having trouble with solid foods.

So you're going to be dosing people with powerful medications in which being off by a factor of a billion is not just a "simple error"?

Nephthys, there really are men who have a thing for the "suxul baruur" type, no question about it. Geeljire is an obvious one, but I can tell Abtigiis also falls in that category. They are easy to spot. Ms DD, I too think being bubbly and happy is more attractive than cranky but thin. Don't listen to Nephthys, it's the hunger pangs talking. Personally, I wouldn't mind gaining a few strategic pounds But mostly I would like to go up four flights of stairs with a fifty-year old without nearly blacking out at the pace he set

^LOOL. Maybe the difference is that now they will contact world leaders instead of performing intrusive medical exams on meth-addled Bubba and his half-blind dog in Nowhere, West Virginia?

See Sheh, your ideas are wasted on these staid Londoners. I know Serenity will not do sweat or mud either, she's probably looking in the dictionary to find out what those are. Too bad you're not with us adventurous North Americans. Even Pujah would have been game for white water rafting or paragliding (if you can drag her from Obama's campaign headquarters for a day). Another suggestion for you guys: Horse-back riding. Ms DD and Val can ride side-saddle while Ibti and Sheh do cartwheels. Something for everyone Lily, how did you know I've always dreamed about being told off by an enraged Frenchman in a uniform?

^Next question: why the question marks over your head and who's the guy on the right supposed to be?

^Hehe, I thought you repeated the same name. Half the time people won't remember who was prez and who was veep. A&T, I appreciate your endorsement, but I have to wonder. Are you doing this so that when I'm in office you can write all kinds of inflammatory stories about me and then scream "Freedom of the Press!" when I try to have you arrested, dipped in honey and then thrown into a pit of fire ants? Hmmm? Sayid, I have to ask an important question on behalf of my running mate: are there any interns?

1) Get some go karts 2) Get some paintball guns 3) Take the train to Paris 4) Go to a touristy area 5) Load guns 6) Hunt real pigeons from the go karts! You can have some sort of scoring system, with extra points for shooting clueless Japanese tourists just as they are about to snap the 1000th picture.

Aaliyah, I think you didn't copy the starting equation right. The left side is log(4^x + 6*2^x) because we can only take the log of the entire term, and this cannot be re-written as log4^x + log(6*2^x) ie, log(x+y) is NOT equal to log(x) + log(y) Maybe you're only supposed to get an approximate answer?

^Goodness. Well I hope they were long enough for decency's sake

There's a Toyota Yaris, and it IS small! I'm with you on the caajis Sheh, why is it so hard to get anything done on Sundays? Yesterday I worked 11 hours and felt zippy the whole time. Today I can't even bring myself to do the laundry.

Yeah, this is called false advertising, Che! I feel outraged on behalf of The Zack and others who were duped. They demand their click back.

Sheesh, you and Lily must think I'm some sort of monster! I did NOT say mac sonkor to anyone, I only THOUGHT it at some guy ONCE, and I felt suitably guilty right after.

^LOL. Hardly. I'm a strictly disinterested third party. Well, maybe a little bit interested, but for a reason that has nothing to do with either of them. Oh I had thought of the wake-up slap, but I was afraid to say so in front of Chocolate. No doubt she will think it's a typical Somali girlfriend's insensitive response. But since you brought it up you can take the fall

Morning/afternoon trollers. Who's the lucky lady Nuune? And are you gonna fly her to Paris on your Cessna? /Swoons

^LOL. So give us some tips on how to be more supportive then. I know two people who are going through a painful break-up. The girl is a complete mess because the guy initiated the break up and she didn't anticipate it. I know she's in a lot of pain, but I can't help getting a bit impatient. It's one thing to be sad and cry in private (not doing that just means the person didn't mean that much to you), but for heaven's sake don't start hollering at a party in which half the people don't even know you. No, make that TWO parties. I also feel sorry for the guy, he's getting the cold shoulder from their mutual friends. I don't see why a relationship ending must always have a villain. Sometimes things just don't work out.

I really can't think of even one unshakable belief. It's all about confidence intervals for me

Yeah, even the ivory towers are hard-hit. They've started charging 50 cents for the piss-poor excuse for coffee they have at the dept office! It's only a matter of time before they'll have to let go of me