No, that's not narrow or selfish, that's called a friendship...after all the person scorned is benefited by still being able to contact the person, although now its on a dif level...the person who says that they are not attracted to the other, has the right to cut all contact, but if one wants to continue a frienship, that's their prerogative. Also, the one who so called got their heartbroken, isnt a victim but a willing participant...if he or she no longer wants any contact, easy...break the ties and finito! why ruin what first started off as friends if a friendship is possible after both parties know the other one's views, that's called progress bro, get with the program! u amaze me with ur neanderthal notions

Khayr, as usual....u enjoy putting things outa context, i wish ur mind wasn't as narrow as a jews' nose....bravo!....that comment about men being dogs, if u had an ounce of intelligence,and read what came after it b4 u cleverly highlighted what was under ur agenda, ud realize it was to make a point that went over ur head...sad for u bro... U called me sexist? now, that hilarious....there's nothing sexist about introducing an idea that this thread should be reserved just for the ladies, after all, its called women's thread if that slipped u, not to much of a shock...its ok, i forgive u...ur fasting and all, lack of oxygen lead u to jump to conclusions...oh wait...ur always like that....oh well...not all sexist men can be saved, yes i said sexist....we all know ur views bro...no need to air them...im fasting.. peace

Good point sis, seems this thread is reinforcing stereotypes about women, such as that we're all just into gossip, talking about love/romance/marriage...that our heads are filled with nothing but air. we seem to come out by the topics posted that we're not worthy of topics that have deeper meanings, everyday struggles for women, nothing posted for a while taps into a woman's intellect. instead it seems like we're back to 3rd grade, discussing what to do with a crush, what lipstick to wear, what clothes are cool...etc....all that can be posted in new thread, let's call it miscellaneous...where every gender can put their trivial thoughts on and get them answered... Also, i thought that since its women's thread, maybe it can be reserved just for women to post their thoughts, ideas, fears, aspirations...kinda like a sistas club, without testosterone adding its 2cents...just a thought...and why isnt there a man's thread...maybe then we can go in and post stuff such as why are men dogs, just to see how it feels to have narrow minded posts on theirs...im sure they'll say there's more to men than that...im inclined to agree...just making a point... peace

Bro....I also have sometimes seen the show ur refering to....and u have to understand, these ppl only talk via internet, therefore its hard to say whether they will like each other in person, i mean -have physical attraction...so sometimes one party feels it and the other doesnt...sometimes the men don't like the women vice versa....i dont like how u implicated that she stuck around for the trip, making her sound like a golddigger, the point of the trip is to see if both of them like each other...and need i remind u that she paid for her ticket, therefore she too has invested something in the meeting.... anyways, nothing wrong with her sticking around and enjoying his friendship, even if a romance btw them is impossible for the moment...like u said, ppl can grow on u...but for the most part, if u are not attracted to the person initially, its hard to become attracted to them later, but it does happen.... those ppl that are told that they are not what the other individual is looking for...they should cut their losses, instead of waiting around like puppies hoping to get noticed... I personally notice the men having a harder time letting go of an infatuatuion they have of a certain woman than the other way around...lesson the brothas is...if a girl says she wants u or only sees u as a friend, ur likely to stay in that box...so stick around if ur truly sincere in developing a friendship, or hit on the next xalimo and cut ur losses.... peace

lol scarface....good try recruiting the sistas back to the kitchen.... when a woman loves a man, she'll do things she would usually have been against....for example, for me.... cooking, like scarface suggested....god knows that's the only time i'll cook for a man if i'm stuck in his love web... peace

Bro...i think this topic should be answered by the brothas since only they know how a man acts when he's inlove, but i guess the ladies perspective won't hurt... when a man loves a woman, he goes out of his way for her

Bashi, believe it or not, i actually agree with some of ur points, mainly the one u said that motherhood is important and those women who chose to stay home are doing a valuable job...i said that as well, if u saw my earlier postings, that any woman who stays home out of her own free will is contributing greatly to society...motherhood is unpaid labor, but should be looked at as a job...because there's nothing harder than that.... Regarding ur q, asking if a woman would chose to stay home if her husband fulfilled all her needs? Personally, i would consider it, especially if we have kids, because the first couple yrs of their life is the most important, and since most countries give a woman up to a yr of maternity leave, id take it and stay home...but b4 all that...i would have to have a career for me to go back to once the kids are old enough to got o school, therefore maintaing a career and gaining an education is important...but to stay home permanently? why would i go to school just so i can become a couch potato when my husband is working and kids are at school? I would rather be productive and do something for society-work in an environment that enhances lives..not the corporate world..not my thing... But i challenge u to answer my q that i asked previously that u and Khayr decided it was not important enough to reply to...so again i ask u...would u stay home and stay with the kids if ur wife earned more money than u or would u let ur "manly" pride get in the way and want to be seen as the man of the house?(see more detail in my previous post for this q) peace

Rising Phoenix, I think U and I are on the same wave length, u understand exactly where I'm coming from. It's sad that a working somali woman is demonized in our society by some men who are threatened by their independence...yes that is what it is, these men like their women to be dependent on them, and if she doesnt have a job or a degree to fall back on, then there's less of a chance for her to leave a less than spectacular marriage. Studies show that women who are dependent on their partners or are not financially independent, may suffer more abuse than other women, mainly because an independent women would never stand for such treatment.(yes it happens in even families that consider themselves islamic). Isnt it sad sis, that our choices in the somali community have been so limited? Its a well known fact that sistas who are overseas pursue their education more than the brothas for the most part, and maybe that has something to do with some of the guys having role models that let down their families. Also guys keeep in mind, what Allah has granted us muslim women: regardless if we work or not, our money is ours to do with as we wish, we're not required to spend a dime on the kids or the household, that is ur job. So be thankful, that some of us sistas wanna contribute in the house and ease some of the financial burden from your shoulders, cause i can easily make all my money, spend it on myself like im allowed, and still expect you to fulfill all my needs, like its required. Keep that in mind. Peace

Thnxs rising phoenix and rayna sis for trying to clarify my points to khayr, i think this brotha is being deliberatly obtuse and demeans my opinions with expressions like "u need a hug". Only open minded people of this century get the valid points raised by the sistas in here Bro, this shows me the level of sexism residing inside ur futile brain, when u reduce a woman's concerns with such a condescending attitude as " u just havent experienced life ye"t, ur invaliding ones feelings. Let me explain something to u, i have seen plenty of example of the men i described b4, so dont say i have yet to see them. Also, i am not generalizing all somali men, if u looked closely, ud see that i attached the word "some" to my comments, therefore im talking of the many that let down their families. What's wrong with the woman being the breadwinner i ask u and the man staying at home if she's able to earn more money than him? I think that actually testifies to the level of comfort the man has with his manhood, if he recognises that one parent is needed at home and if her money is able to support the whole family, he can act as the role of the housekeeper, which in of itself, is a very important job in society.I guess bro, ur not man enough to stay home. Think about that, and im sure u think u should still be the breadwinner, even if ur earning minimum wage, just to satisfy ur idea of a man. So sad bro, at think u need a reality check and the only woman who will live with you under those circumstances, is one u got from back home, who might be happy with being in the West and able to take b.s. My condolences to ur future wife. Rising Phoenix, u asked what's traditional and what's modern? great q....depending on what century one is living in, then people of that time get to say what's modern and what's not, but the problem with that is that it changes according to location, time, cultures, etc....I think modernity in the context of this post, means when traditional household norms are abolished in order to take in new ones, because society is ever changing and evolving. So in this day and age, a modern woman is one that is able to maintain a career, has a house and career and a traditional woman is seen as one who is a stay at home wife/mom (nothing wrong with that) as long as it was her choice and not shoved down her throat by society/culture by such ppl as Khayr. Hope that clarifyed ur clouded judgement bro.

I personally think that education comes first before marriage at this time in my life. After completing a degree and landing a sucessful career, only then will i think of marriage and kids because if i were to marry without an education, what would i have to offer my kids and husband? I want to be an equal provider for the household, since in this day and age, 2 income households are a necessity and not a luxury as some of u men think. Also, i want to be able to set a good example for any of my future kids, that education is important, and that a woman is able to balance a household and family, obvioulsy with the help of her husband since he is an equal partner in the marriage, therefore its equally important for him to maintain a household. Its hilarious to see sexist men use this post to justify their ideas of a women's role in society. According to most brothas here, a somali woman's role should be a stay at home mom, not utilise the education that she's received and worked hard for, all to satisfy the somali's man (some) narrow idea of a good wife-barefoot and pregnant. Now the man's role as many of you ladies have pointed out is-to not take care of his family and let them take welfare while he enjoys time away from the household responsibilities(tim hortons) with his equally irresponsible friends that act like they are in their youth when in reality, these men are well into their 30's and 40's yet are unable to step up to the plate and provide for their families. Now, the somali superwoman, must step in and act like mother and father to her fatherless kids, cause they might as well be when the father isnt there to provide financially and isnt there spending time with them physically, the single mom (which she becomes even if she's still married cause all the resposibilities are on her shoulders) must go out, get a job, cook and clean, provide clothes for her kids, maintain a household, yet she's deemed "unislamic" by thankless, selfish men who havent spend a day in her shoes and would never understand the issues and responsibilites facing the somali woman of this era. Also what's absurd here, is scaring the somali woman into an early marriage because she might not be wanted in her "old" age (30), or she might not be able to produce 17 kids as her mother did, wow, what a bad way to end up...having only 2 kids and not 17, must be my fault when i shoulda been married at 18 with no brain and idea of what it is to be a woman yet. These men who dont want to marry an educated older sista, well its thei loss ladies, cause ur education comes first....u come first, the man may not be around for u forever, but that degree will and when the right man comes along, i doubt age would matter. After all, the prophet (saw) married a woman 15 yrs older than him...if u men pride urself to be islamic, then age isnt a factor in choosing a suitable mate. Plus, only God knows who we will end up with, if we are to be married at all....its all written for us anyways, so do what u need to do know and the rest will fall into place. p.s.there's nothing secular about education...medicine, science, philosophy, all were discovered by arabs due to the help of Islam, so dont give me the b.s.that if women were to pursue education it would mean the end of their islamic values....if u use that same retarded logic, what becomes of the men? or are they too macho to resist the allure of secular religion, therefore it explains why they are the #1 customer of coffee shops, with no ambition. peace and education!

Everyone here made valid points that you need to pay attention to if ur serious about resolving this "problem". From the way you laugh when ur writing this, seems to me that you enjoy his attentions yet at the same time, you're not totattly ok with it. Make up ur mind! Ask urself this q: do u like him? seems that u do, commenting on how sexy and cute he is. If someone was sexually harrasing me, his looks and sex appeal would be the last thing on my mind.If you like him, stop complaining, he's only doing what u allow him to do. If ur uncomfortable with his advances, u got a mouth, tell him to stop or tell ur boss, simple. This is the problem these days, ppl sending contradictory messages. He may think that you are fine with it, but if u speak ur mind, and he keeps doing it, then its on him and up to u to report the skirt chaser.

I agree that using big words doesn't attest to one's intelligence, but you should not be putting down those people who know their "p"s from "b". I dont understand people who continously murder the english language, with their jibberish, even though they ahve been here for as long as most of us. For example, "pitch" means *****,"vascinating"= fascinating....etc...or grammar errors...u get the drift. Those that use so call big words, it comes naturally, and are exhibiting their knowedge. I can't speak for those who purposely use words even they dont understand,just to look better than others, but for the rest of us, who have a good grasp of the english language, we should be commended for our efforts, coming to a new land and learning the language perfectly isn't all that easy. I also agree with you on the point that we shouldnt put ourselves down, since we're fairly new to the West, but its also healthy to point out to what can be changed in our society, what can we improve on. Peace

I agree with Opinionated. The body thinks that it won't get any food since it has been deprived for so long, therefore, it stores all the fat it gets. So, if one eases up on the fat they put into their body during this blessed month, then its less fat for the body to store. Someone else mentioned going for a walk, that is recommended for the people that overindulge. I dont know about you guys, but during Ramadan, the food channel becomes my best friend. Makes me feel like im eating when i watch what chefs make, and also makes me overindulge sometimes when i break my fast. But dont you notice that while your fasting, you think that you are capable of eating a horse, but when it comes time to eat, your stomach rejects the food becomes it has been denied for so long, so sometimes, i cant eat as much as i want. As far as who gains weight and who loses weight, i probably stay the same during the month.

Ms Word, you've hit the nail on the head. FGM is a cultural practice rather than a religious one and the only reason people use religion is because it gives legitimacy to the practice. Also people will continue to do it when they hear God has said it, therefore, smart misogynists have misused the Quran to justify their backward thoughts. FGM is practiced by societies that fear a woman's sexuality will "get out of control" and she'll start sleeping around with evertything that walks with 2 legs, short of animals. This, obviously, is a sexist and low view of women and their ability to control their sexual self.To reiterate your point, Islam and FGM do not go together, and for anyone who thinks so, they need to check their facts. Allah does not support female mutilation and its just a practice that existsed in the jahilliah period(period of ignorance) that has persisted to this day. Some Christian and jewish societies also practice it, therefore it nullifies the notion that its strictly something that Islam endorses. My knowledge is that some parts of somalia and Djibouti, FGM is banned or are working to ban it, but Im sure those that want to put their daughters through it will find some dirty midwife to perform it and spread her germs. Some consequences of FGM: 1-for some women, extreme cramps during a woman's period 2-difficulty with childbirth 3-no pleasure in sex 4-psychological damage 5-a chance of being infertile So tell me, those that believe in this non-islamic practice, is it worth it after seeing what women go through or does it even matter as long as it satisfies your ideas of a pure woman. The irony is, FGM hasn't deterred those that chose a wrong path in life, it just robbed women of being a complete human being just like their counterparts in other societies.

hey girl,. ..the way i see it, use ur judgement, and go for what you want. Your parents wont be the one spending their life/time with this man, so therefore you shouldnt go for someone you dont want just because an elder suggested it. Also, ask your parents what they have against your beau, and if its something as trivial as qabil, i suggest u go with your feelings, but if its something serious, like he is known to be an abuser or something, then listen to ur parents.

As someone mentioned b4,Kobe should be the least of our worries, but given the heated discussion here, i thought i might add in what i gathered from CNN,however bias their reporting always is. Keep in mind ppl, take everything u hear from the media with a grain of salt. Facts up until now:Kobe cheated on his wife. Blood was found on the bottom of his shirt. No evidence of a struggle was found on him, no scratches, bruises, etc...says it was rough consentual sex Victim (alleged):none was found on her neck, any bruises, fingerprints, scratches.leading up to the "rape" she was with 3 men 3 dif days. The day after she went to the hospital, was wearing underpants with another man's semen and pubic hairs. Tried to committ suicided earlier in the yr. Bragged to ppl that Kobe was coming to the hotel. Gave a tour, consented to coming to his room, consented to kissing, even enjoyed it.Loves the spotlight, so does he.Some witness says she didnt seem angry after, others say she was crying. My q is, could it be a conspiracy? The bell hop was convieniently outside the door, to be her main witness, maybe its a way for her to gain quick money, a singing career, anything. Just a thought. My main point is, so far what we know, he seems to be innocent, maybe he's like OJ, got good attorneys. Only God knows, but all of this coulda been avoided if he was content with his wife and not fallen for temptation.Good for him, he deserves to be critized, but sent to jail for a crime he didnt commit? a lil harsh. even were he Muslim, he'd get flogged, not put to death as someone suggested. So take it how u will.It comes down to power, money, over real justice, or making an example out of a star. Someone mentioned that its hard for starts to resist groupies, that still isnt a good enough reason why he cheated. If she's lying its gonna make it hard for real women who have been raped to come forward since some lie just to get money.

lol, one of the gals said best time to have kids is when we're 23, guess i should be married and pregnant by now then. Best time to have kids theoretically is when one is married, in a stable relationship, with a stable income. Parents should be able to provide for kids b4 they have them, otherwise it adds to stress in the family life. Now life itself, has this way of ruining one's plan, u might have a kid b4 u and ur partner think ur ready, but at the end of the day, one has to remember God only knows when u will have kids, if any, or shooting blanks as underdog put it, so whenever they come, see them as a blessing to ur life, rather than a burden, another mouth to feed. For sistas following careers, its good to wait if one can so that they are able to be in a good position in their career to come back to after paternity leave, but u shouldnt also be plannin' kids at 40, when ur best eggs have long since expired. looking at the bright side, there's always adoption.

I'd like to know the answer to the topic, i have yet to meet any...but from friends i have heard that london, uk men arent too bad, stay away from guys in holland, australia i have heard are respectful guys, that's all.... peace

I see i have hit a nerve..hahahaha....thxs common_skinny, for reinforcing my ideas of lil men like u. Like u, common_skinny, my name reflects me, but if it makes u feel like a bigger man than u are, and if it helps u sleep at night with that big ego in the way, feel free to make urself believe im ugly, we all know u lil men calling girls ugly is only a reflection of the many times u were rejected. Not my fault that God has decided not to bless u with a manhood, nor a brain, but dont take it out on a sista that is wayyyy above ur menial status. Next time, learn to address ur betters as "majesty", ur dismissed servant

I personally would go for the package, certain amount of looks to attract me to the person in the first place and then a whole lotta personality to keep me with them, especially sense of humour....nothing better than a funny, witty, sarcastic man, the male version of me. Also, one should date those on their level, meaning, if a gal/guy is less than pleasant to look at, or do not have a personality to speak of, then they belong together....there's no sense in dating a donkey if ur a fairly intelligent person...but life has it ways of intruding on what one plans for their life....u just might end up with what u said u never be with....ie-a player might marry a xawa, and a pretty girl might get saddled with a farax...wait, the last example happens too often these days...

Well said kruella and benevolent beauty, couldn't have said it better myself...as far as Common is concerned, ladies his name says it all "common" skinny...typical ones out there afraid to face a woman equal to them, perhaps surpassing their IQ that probably is lower than their shoe size. For those ladies/guys out there blaming the sistas, using names like "attitude" and "arrogance" to describe girls that passed grade 3, all i have to say is a sista has a right to be with someone on the same level in life as her, if she so chooses, why settle for a brotha that has yet to graduate from high school or has no ambition in life other than the khaat and what to order at coffeetime, an educated women for the most part would rather be with a brotha that is going somewhere in life, not one she has to support plus the kids...and these "men" wouldnt be so threatened if maybe the person who posted this topic didnt hit a nerve...just a thought... peace

Hello Superman, I must say, its refreshing to see a brotha being thoughtful on the issue of approaching a sista that has her deen. I think that you should start talking to her as a friend, ask her what she likes/dislikes, without the "yo baby" lines...but u dont seem the cheesy type. She would appreciate a brotha respecting her enough to come up to her and say "hi" without seeming to come on to her with naughty ideas in ur head. Ask her out as a friend, and keep in mind that she has her rules about dating and respectng those....but remember to let her know u feel and let the ball be in her court about what might come out of a possible relationship for the two of you. p.s.-if she says she has someone or that she's not intersted, remember to keep ur cool and say that "whoever is with u is a lucky man"....with that in mind, if things dont workout with her and her possible man, u might be the next candidate in her mind, because of the way u handled the situation. Lesson of the day; all in not lost of things dont go ur way now.

salahudin-palestine p.s.-good to see some originality here

Princess I agree with you sis....very well articulated, unlike the arguments some guys here write about what they don't like about women. So Im just gonna elaborate.....My list... 1-men with bad breath....pls listerine for God's sake.... 2-smokers....walking ashtrays... 3-conceited men...the ones that actually look like beetle juice(Howard Stern watchers will understand) but believe that Tom Cruise is no competition....there's something to be said for confident men, without crossing to arrogance... 4-men who are threatened by intelligent women-i.e.-jamal11...throwing out the word feminism without ever understanding what it really stands for...he's probably afraid she'll realize that his IQ isn't as up to par as he would like her to believe.... 5-men who believe a woman's role is as a pregnant and barefoot housewife....i'm intensely allergic to them, and pls God, may i never be stuck with one... 6-men who believe they know the religion, when in truth, they still have no idea what a quran looks like, or what it really says....those men are the one that put tradition over religion.... that's it for now...i believe I've wounded a few egos...so until next time...

lol prettyboy....need i get specific? My name says it all....lol...how could i possibly choose just one?kidding....i bet ur looking for details so that u might have a chance with one of the ladies here,or ur just feeling lonely..lol..(jokin')....but i'll disappoint u but not getting into specifics and just say....drum roll.....there's a tie..lol..my eyes and my lips....no need to get into details about that, im sure u know what eyes and lips look like... p.s.- a better q u might have asked would have been, if not discussed here yet...."what's ur favorite body part in the opposite sex"? peace