A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to giveme a blow-job during the way?" "What?! Get Out out of my cab, you scum." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result - getting kicked out of each taxi. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "O.K." and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

By Henry Makow Ph.D. September 18, 2002 On my wall, I have a picture of a Muslim woman shrouded in a burka. Beside it is a picture of an American beauty contestant, wearing nothing but a bikini. One woman is totally hidden from the public; the other is totally exposed. These two extremes say a great deal about the clash of so-called "civilizations." The role of woman is at the heart of any culture. Apart from stealing Arab oil, the impending war in the Middle East is about stripping Arabs of their religion and culture, exchanging the burka for a bikini. I am not an expert on the condition of Muslim women and I love feminine beauty too much to advocate the burka here. But I am defending some of the values that the burka represents for me. For me, the burka represents a woman's consecration to her husband and family. Only they see her. It affirms the privacy, exclusivity and importance of the domestic sphere. The Muslim woman's focus is her home, the "nest" where her children are born and reared. She is the "home" maker, the taproot that sustains the spiritual life of the family, nurturing and training her children, providing refuge and support to her husband. In contrast, the bikinied American beauty queen struts practically naked in front of millions on TV. A feminist, she belongs to herself. In practice, paradoxically, she is public property. She belongs to no one and everyone. She shops her body to the highest bidder. She is auctioning herself all of the time. In America, the cultural measure of a woman's value is her sex appeal. (As this asset depreciates quickly, she is neurotically obsessed with appearance and plagued by weight problems.) As an adolescent, her role model is Britney Spears, a singer whose act approximates a strip tease. From Britney, she learns that she will be loved only if she gives sex. Thus, she learns to "hook up" rather than to demand patient courtship and true love. As a result, dozens of males know her before her husband does. She loses her innocence, which is a part of her charm. She becomes hardened and calculating. Unable to love, she is unfit to receive her husband's seed. The feminine personality is founded on the emotional relationship between mother and baby. It is based on nurturing and self-sacrifice. Masculine nature is founded on the relationship between hunter and prey. It is based on aggression and reason. Feminism teaches woman that feminine nature has resulted in "oppression" and that she should convert to male behavior instead. The result: a confused and aggressive woman with a large chip on her shoulder, unfit to become a wife or mother. This, of course, is the goal of the social engineers at the NWO: undermine sexual identity and destroy the family, create social and personal dysfunction, and reduce population. In the "brave new world," women are not supposed to be "nest" makers, or progenitors of the race. They are meant to be neutered autonomous creatures that indulge in sex for physical pleasure, not for love or procreation. At his press conference on Sunday, Donald Rumsfeld said that Iranian women and youth were restive under the rule of the Mullahs. He implied that the US would soon liberate them. To Britney Spears? To low-rise "see-my-thong" pants? To the mutual masturbation that passes for sexuality in America? Parenthood is the pinnacle of human development. It is the stage when we finally graduate from self-indulgence and become God's surrogates: creating and nurturing new life. The New World Order does not want us to reach this level of maturity. Pornography is the substitute for marriage. We are to remain stunted: single, sex-starved and self-obsessed. We are not meant to have a permanent "private" life. We are to remain lonely and isolated, dependent on consumer products for our identity, in a state of perpetual courtship. This is especially destructive for woman. Her sexual attraction is a function of her fertility. As fertility declines, so does her sex appeal. If a woman devotes her prime years to becoming "independent," she is not likely to find a permanent mate. Her long-term personal fulfillment and happiness lies in making marriage and family her first priority. Feminism is another cruel New World Order hoax that has debauched American women and despoiled Western civilization. It has ruined millions of lives and represents a lethal threat to Islam. I am not advocating the burka but rather some of the values that it represents, specifically a woman's consecration to her future husband and family, and the modesty and dignity this entails. The burka and the bikini represent two extremes. The answer lies somewhere in the middle.

Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court last Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use, and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court next Monday." Monday, the two guys were back in court. The judge asked the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." The judge was quite impressed and said, "Seventeen people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?" The first guy said, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o "And told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable," replied the judge. "And you, how did you do?" the judge asked the second guy. "Well, your honor I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever." "156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!" The second guy answered, "I used a similar approach." (He draws two circles) o O The second guy continued, "Well, I said, (pointing to the small circle) this is your asshole before prison."

A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his penis in a vise. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle. Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?" The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Man: Hmmm... Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do? Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in.....

Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance... Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink... Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke... Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters... Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage... Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place... Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Sofine, looks like the Pakis have hijacked your topic....

43degreesN, 79degreesW That's the City. so better break out the maps and cross the co-ordinates.

"Girlfriends"...."sweethearts" "them" all plural. Seems to me like you have a self-control problem.

Walaaley listen, My point is that there is nothing wrong with showing appreciation to one particular demographic. Whether it's women, men, blacks, whites. But wouldn't you agree that when you show "preference" of one over the other it goes towards implying some kind of superiority? I mean, women are a very integral part of society and recognizing their strengths and achievements is admirable. BUT drawing a line right through that same society and taking sides...don't you find that it causes a separation we can do without? personally, I feel my life would be incomplete without a woman in it. At the same time I am a man and I fail to see how standing here and saluting male strength would make up for all the male weaknesses. Bottom line is there is good and bad in every group. save the praise for the individauls who deserve them. ******Presented with no malice or Ill intent*****

Low-Blow Xafsa, You know that's not what I was meant. I didn't say it was insulting to men and I have no problem praising women ( I do it very often)...what I was "pointing" towards was the Feminist tone not just in this topic but in quite a few other replys that you have posted. I could be wrong. I wasn't looking for an argument.

eat good --->BARIIS

Thats actually a very good Topic. My first beef :mad: is with anyone who uses the term "Somalian"....we are Somali. I think we're not that far gone because most of the younger generation still understand the language but "try" not to speak it. I find the tone and grammar of the Somali language very romantic and sexy.

Sorry sis, I didn't check the archives before posting.

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 dollars is 50 dollars." One year Morris and Esther went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs 50 dollars, and 50 is dollars is 50 dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but 50 dollars is 50 dollars."

A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers. The guy says, ''Who is this?'' ''This is the maid,'' answers the woman. ''We don't have a maid,'' says the man. The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.'' The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?'' The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.'' The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?'' The maid says, ''What will I have to do?'' The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.'' The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?'' The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.'' Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.'' A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Sorry to hear you're snipped, miss_fine. Keep hope alive, I'm sure you'll find someone

LOL ... Good one.

Xafsa, I think that was a good description. Wouldn't it be equally impressive if you replace the word "woman" with the word "person"? Maybe the militant feminist in you won't let you do that.

If the girl knew the man was married, then a facial scar is an occupational hazard associated with being a homewrecker. She was trying the to steal the man and she got caught. The man's guilty too...do you honestly think the wife will let him live this down? The main question is "HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO PROTECT WHATS YOURS?" no matter how screwed up the man is, he's her man and she's stepping up for him.

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He screeches to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, followed by a deafening gunshot blast. “Ok,” the hunter says. “Now what?”

The teacher says, “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.” Little Johnny says to himself, “Good, I want to get outta here. I’m clever—that answer’s mine!” The teacher asked, “Who said ‘Four Score and Seven Years Ago’?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, “Abraham Lincoln,” The teacher said, “That’s right, Susie, you can go.” Johnny was mad. Susie had answered first. The teacher asked, “Who said, ‘I Have a Dream’?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, “Martin Luther King.” The teacher said, “That’s right, Mary, you can go.” Johnny was even madder than before. Mary had answered first. The teacher asked, “Who said ‘Ask not, what your country can do for you’?” Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, “John Kennedy.” The teacher said, “Thats right, Nancy, you can go.” Johnny was fuming. Nancy had answered first. As the teacher sat down, Johnny muttered, “I wish these b!tches had kept their mouths shut.” The shocked teacher asked, “Who said that?” Johnny jumped up and hollered, “Bill Clinton!!! See you Monday!”

Three friends die in a car crash, and find themselves at the gates of Heaven. Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself. "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" asks St. Peter. The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children’ lives." The last guy replies. “I would like to hear them say, ‘LOOK! HE'S MOVING!’”

Thanks for the reply Nova. It's good to know someone appreciates the jokes....I wonder if everyone else is just laughing quitely...