Here is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the dand except for the one part sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that." "When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it." "When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it." "When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40 years old, I asked for it." "When I was 50 years old, I paid for it." "When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it." "When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"

George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off. Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?" "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?" Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." Even George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, "I just can't believe it!" George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"

A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket-If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said (adopt appropriate dialect), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. He got into the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a bl*wj*b on the way?" "What??? Get the hell out of my cab!!" The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions,... with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks." The businessman said "ok" and off they went. As they drove past the cabs in the long line, the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs-up sign to each driver.

Landing in Toronto The jumbo jet is just coming into an Airport in Toronto on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt Johnson. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today, and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto. He forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto? Now all ears in the plane are listening in to this conversation. "Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a crap. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge mellons. I'm gonna wine and dine her , take her back to my room, and shag her all night." Everyone in the plane is trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed that she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run, dear, he's gotta take a dump first!"

Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: This myasthenia gravis - does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, okay? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: How old is your son - the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in the voodoo occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? Q: Mr. Slattery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Three blondes were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blonde said, "Those must be deer tracks!" The second blonde said, "No, ****** , anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" The third blondie said, "No, you ****** , those are horse tracks!" They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Personally I would equate Moral strength as a testament to your character. So can you trust yourself to do the right thing when you're in a jam? Most people won't, that's not a opinion, thats fact. Whether that's nature or nurture is mute point that can be argued forever. Nature would determine someones personal strength to resist temptation. Nurture would dictate your belief structure and how you prioritize relevance. At the end of the day, its a coin toss. Some people will fold and sacrifice morality for minor victories while others will endure and keep thier moral fabric intact.

I wonder if anyone paid attention to these quotes back when they were said. The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. General Omar Bradley -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Winston Churchill -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The law, in its majestic equality, forbids all men to sleep under bridges, beg in the streets, and steal bread -- the rich as well as the poor." Anatole France -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We may congratulate ourselves that this cruel war is nearing its end. It has cost a vast amount of treasure and blood ... It has indeed been a trying hour for the Republic; but I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of war, corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed. I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war. God grant that my suspicions may prove groundless." President Abraham Lincoln The passage appears in a letter from Lincoln to Col. William F. Elkins, Nov. 21, 1864. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When you get into politics, you find that all your worst nightmares about it turn out to be true, and the people who are attracted to large concentrations of power are precisely the ones who should be kept as far away from it as possible. Ken Livingstone, Member of Parliament -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave national emergency ... Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant sums demanded. Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real. General Douglas MacArthur, 1957 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "In Germany they first came for the Communists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me--and by that time no one was left to speak up." Pastor Martin Niemoller -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I believe that if we had and would keep our dirty, bloody, dollar-soaked fingers out of the business of these nations so full of depressed, exploited people, they will arrive at a solution of their own -- and if unfortunately their revolution must be of the violent type because the "haves" refuse to share with the "have-nots" by any peaceful method, at least what they get will be their own, and not the American style, which they don't want and above all don't want crammed down their throats by Americans. General David M. Shoup, May 14, 1966 Commandant of the Marine Corps 1960-63, and winner of the Congressional Medal of Honor -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The government is extremely fond of amassing great quantities of statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive displays. What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts down anything he damn well pleases. Sir Josiah Stamp -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "They made it a desert and called it peace." Tacitus -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "The revulsion against war ... will be an almost insuperable obstacle for us to overcome. For that reason, I am convinced that we must begin now to set the machinery in motion for a permanent wartime economy." Charles Wilson, head of General Electric, internal memo, 1944

Walaal to be honest I doubt these men set out to put in any work at all! It's not just the men who are at fault it's generally everyone who allows and accepts this sort of misconduct of religious laws. I think we're looking at this issue in a very 2-dimensional way. For EVERYTHING we do, some of us do it right and some do it wrong. whether it's polygamy, career, breeding offspring, or even boiling an egg, some people will do it right and some will do it wrong. That's human nature. You can't generalize and say Driving should be banned because of all the bad drivers. This is the same thing, some people are not responsible and abuse the system. Some don't. So your individual grievances are NOT with the practice of polygamy or the social compatabilty skills of Somali men or even modern interpretation of romance, Your beef is with actual living, breathing lowlifes that you either personally know or have heard about. However, That's my opinion, I could be wrong.

You HAVE to get older but you DON'T have to grow up. I heard that advice at 18 and took it

They're called Green Card Soldiers: http://www.heise.de/tp/english/inhalt/co/16719/1.html

Originally posted by Yasmine: A big hard-cover book might actually come in handy for many things. You could use it as a source of entertainment, a pillow (uncomfortable), a whacking tool for killing small prey or smashing nuts, you could hurl it into the dark whenever you hear a strange noise... ok, maybe I'm stretching it but a book would be nice. I see you gave this some thought...... Do you know something we don't? :eek: do you have any particular island in mind?

reminds me of a joke: One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!" "And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!" At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?" With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"

I'd tie the boat to a coconut tree and and zoom back and forth to civilization for "supplies" .... Chapstick, a ball, a bottle of Pepsi and cell phones can keep you entertained for a short period...By the way, How come not a single one of you asked for a good book ? (draw you own conclusions)

A fast boat and a nautical map

1. the wife went to work on you, eh? Son of the soil, don't worry. 2. why let yourself get beaten up by your wife when there's lotrs of wives around? 3.There's nothing worse than than being step on by your wife. Just ask Whispers. He is the living evidence of that kind of situation it's a complete movie about domestic problems when you have a fierce wife. 4. Thou shalt fear thine wife more than electricity

Lakkad, here's another one to lighten up you day. http://www.nationaudio.com/News/DailyNation/16072000/Features/Whispers.html

I was cracking up for while http://www.eastandard.net/archives/January/sun04012004/society/bensons/ben02.htm

Definately worth the trip. But make sure its in the summer. There's a lot more going on. You got Caribana, The Somali Football Tournament, Wonderland, boat cruises and BBQs. there is ONE weekend we ALL need to skip town (Call it a protest walkout) when they have the fag parade, head for Georgian bay, Niagara falls, Montreal etc.

Forget CSI and Law & Order and all those other self righteous cop shows. We know how cops REALLY are. So how about a show about Dirty cops? Any watch "The Shield"? If you haven't run down to blockbuster and get the season 1 and 2 dvds.

Originally posted by disillusioned-N-despondent: Underdog I thought the first series of 24 was ground-breaking. Which made me really look forward to the second one. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a cheap vehicle for the 'war against terror' propoganda. I lost interest as soon as I saw the 'bad guys' were arabs and the weapon of choice a 'dirty bomb' set to go off in downtown LA or something similar. :rolleyes: The third series is actually starting this month on Sky:ONE but I'm not interested. [ The premise of the second season was the whole Al qeada dirty bomb...but with all the twists and turn it turned out to be different. We're half way in the 3rd season now and TRUST ME, there are NO ARABS. ****quick spoiler - Nina Myers is back***

In a train, there was an American, a Canadian, a beautiful blonde, and a rather ugly fat woman. After several miniutes of the trip, the train passes through a dark tunnel. Just then, a loud slap is heard. When the train got out of the tunnel, a bug red slap mark was left on the American's cheek. The ugly fat woman thought - "This American laid his dirty hands on the blone and she slapped him!" The blonde though - "That rude American wanted to touch me and by mistake, put his hand on the fat lady, so she slapped him!" The American thought - "The Canadian tried to put his dirty hands on that blonde, and by mistake, she slapped me!" The Canadian thought - "I hope there is another dark tunnel soon so I can smack that American again!"

One day there was a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican vacationing in the Middle East. But later, they were caught and arrested for smoking bong. So each person was sentenced to fifty lashes each. But the punisher, being the nice person he is, dicides to give them each one wish each. So the Mexican wished for one pillow to be strapped behind his back. But after 15 lashes his pillow broke and he had to have the rest of the thirty five lashes without a pillow. So the American asks for TWO pillows to be strapped to his back. But after thirty lashes, his pillow also broke causing him to have the remaining twenty with out any pillows. Then, when it was the Canadians turn, the punisher told him how much he loved his country because of their seldom involment in war. So he rewarded the Canadian two wishes instead of one. So for the first wish, the Canadian said "Give me one hundred lashes!". "How brave of you" said the amazed punisher. And for his second wish, the Canadian said, "Strap the American to my back!"

Best Show It's all about Jack Bauer http://www.fox.com/24/