Most of your advices were good and decent. Thank you.
Some sounded like you were bashing generalizing all mothers out there and overlooking their intention. That was unfair.
I think mothers are different. Yes some mothers are more involved than others. But, am sure the intention is honorable at the end of the day. If I get married and my mom wants to choose the curtains and other stuff for my house. She is more than wlc lol...yadaaba broke noqonaso with all the expenses and I get to save my money joking...Anyways its all out of love..lucky baaba tahay if you have a mother who wants to do all that for you and it doesnt last all that long. There will be a day where you will find yourself without a mom, how many do I know who their mothers are not alife today ...hoyada intay noshahay allow her to do little things for you that makes her happy.
Assalamu Caleykum, brothers and sisters hope y'all doing great, I wasn't in SOL for years. I see some familiar names, SOL is still active, nice to see that.
I decided to share my thoughts with you just like I did back then about the things that disheartened me the most in our community. I'm getting older,trying to be closer to God, my perspective on life is changing.And hopefully you will learn, become better, and share the good.
One day, you will be parents,and be responsable of littles creatures . So what are you going to teach them ? Because you will be their first teachers, and so be careful, because I'm going to give you examples of things you should do/not do as parents.
1-Marriages are the work of Allah, for He is the One who chooses us partners.You can't avoid the one Allah has chosen you. So therefore parents should not blackmail their kids with the du'ua or haabar finger when it comes to marriage. Because if your kids happen to marry Chinese or white as long as they are Muslims, there's nothing you can do about it, except being happy for them.
I agree with this one. Parents do have to accept the final decision that their kids make even if they marry outside their race and respect it. But, if they want them to stick to their culture and ethnicity a parent has the full right to tell their children about what they feel about the situation ofcourse withotu cursing and what not. And, you know I personally believe everyone is better off with their ethnicity.So each on his own.
2-Be careful not to mix religion with culture. For example I find it bizarre that mothers need to shop for the beds their daughters or sons will spend their wedding nights in. It is not an obligation, and if mothers insist,tell them it's a private matter.
like I already said my mom is more than wlc lol...
nothing to fuss about..
3-Don't be scared of the du'ua or haabar (curse)threat used by elders to trick you. Only things meant to happen will happen, for Allah is the best Protector, so seek His protection against Djins and mankind.
Are you kidding me..ducada qofka wayn ama walidka way kacdaa...is alaali walaashays!! Ilaahay wuxu ku yidhi walidka maqal ilaa wixi deenta kasoo hor jeeda...sariir yar lugu so gado ama daah yar deenta waxba kama dhimaso..allow her lol..
4-If your marriage or love relationship fails, it's not a reason to destroy other people's lives by spreading gossips. If you are divorcing, please refrain from talking bad in front of the kids about the other parent.
sounds a good advice. Even after parents divorce they do have to respect each other mana aha in ay ilmaaha yar walidkiis ku diraan wa runtaa....
5-Sometimes mothers forget religion and try to compete with other mothers to prepare their daughters' lavish weddings. Money should be spent wisely, and besides doesnt always bring happiness. Check the divorce rates.
good advice mashallah...inkasto I love lavish weddings lol may allah swt forgive us ...
6-Learn to respect people's times, the somali standard time is annoying, and your kids will just become you.As for weddings, the early, the better, people can't always wait.
lol I hate weddings that start late and end late...so we are on the same page...
7-Avoid bad company, because it will affect you. Stay away from people who gossip about others on a daily basis, you will end up like them. Advise them kindly, and help them. If they don't like you after that, they're not worth to stay with. Never compromise your faith for people, in the side of Allah, you're always a winner.
True. I personally believe if I hang out with ppl who gossip a lot they also gonna gossip about me...qof af dheer cidna ma ihtiraamo..
8-How much will cost the dowry is a private matter between the couple, parents should refrain from mingling in that.
lol trueeee..!! on the same page...!!
9-Mothers please do not go to your daughter-in-law to control what kind of living rooms or curtains she should have, it's none of your business, unless she asks for it.
Why shouldnt it be her business she was pregnant with you for 9 months? forget raising you which is also took a toll on her life...like I said allow her to choose the damn curtain lol..what different does it make...
10-Always check the neighbours before you move in. If you live in an area filled with drugs and prostitution, think about the future of your kids first. I say this, because a lot of families live in subsidized areas, it's better to live in a private apartment if you can afford it.
Some parents have finance issues. But, those who don't yeah they should rent or buy houses in good neighborhood. And absolutely those in our generation in their 20s/ early 30s who were educated here who have a better income should not settle for ghetto areas. Sometimes people just focus on saving money..whats money? hadii caruurta ka lunto?...
It might not be easy for newcomers in the beginning, but people who came 15 to 20 years ago don't have excuses,plan ahead and save to get your dream house.Can't afford it, rent an house or apartment away from bad people. Some women rather live in an subsidized area just to be close to their friends,don't and move on. Phones do exist, as well as buses to see them when you feel like it.
lol Good advice...
11-Please refrain from sharing details of your sexual lives or the lack of it with friends and families, it's distasteful and haraam. It's nobody's business to know if you or the man you love is scoring zero or not.
True....
12-Dear sisters do not listen to your moms if they tell you that it's OK for you to sleep once in a while with your husbands, it's haraam. Just because they've done it, they think it's OK, it's their culture, and it's wrong. Unless you're sick,tired, or have your periods, you have no excuse to join your husband.
lol like many said in here mothers and daughters dont talk about such issues. I for one never discussed that subject with my mom and dont intend to ever....theres haya? certain things you dont need to discuss!!
13-Your kids will have to learn about sex.It's easy to say there's no sex in Islam, but believe me it's an obligation to tell them what's haraam (sodomy,fellatio,masturbation, adultery,sex before marriage)and what's halal. Allah will ask you about it.
The only thing I will tell my kids is they cant do it till they get married. No details...we don't live in a village or island they will learn it in their own time...
14-When raising kids, be fair to boys and girls, to Allah we are all equal. Islam never forbids household chores done by men, again it's a cultural thing to say the opposite.All prophets (saw)worked hard in the household, and regularly helped their wives, are men nowadays better than them ?
Thank you. On the same page...islamaha iyo ayeeyoinka wilasha spoil gareeya waabaka yaaba. I once visited a friend of mine and her 6 years old son was cleaning the house. Something to learn from...and my ayeeyo gets pissed if I tell my 18 years old brother to wash his dish...she would be like gabadhaha guriga ma jogaan..yaab!!
15-Somali moms like to spoil their kids with food, but not enough with wit, they need to teach the kids how to be independant. Make the kids volunteer at early age to teach them some skills.
lol I know kuwa badan oo an garanayo cunta uun bay ka adagyihiin horta taas waan kugu raacay
16-Avoid going out too much, unless there's work or specific reasons. You can't see your friends everyday, if it's daily it's usually about gossip, same thing for men. Avoid talking on the phone all day long, past a certain time, don't answer phones,unless it's urgent, or long-distance.
Sounds a decent advice...
17-People marry and don't talk to each other, some are not born romantic, but your religion is your best source of advice. Study how Prophets (saw)behaved with their wives, you will not believe how romantic they were.
Good advice...
18-Never spill the secrets between husbands and wives to others unless it's a mutual agreement. Sometimes couples might have financial issues, times are hard, don't go out there crying your heart out, you would be surprised by how some people would smile at your misery.Always smile, even if you want to cry, Allah knows your misery, and only Him will provide for you.
True....
19-Always communicate with each other, even with your kids with kindness,because life is short, death is around us.Ask about each other's opinions,and listen. Wonderful memories will last forever.
Mashallah. Beautiful advice..
Conclusion: study your religion, and don't be afraid of what your parents will say, if certain things are against your religion, do not follow them. This is how you will raise offsprings and become better yourselves, yours goals should be Jannah, so plan ahead. Feel free to add ur advices.
Thank you. Jazakalaah for the efforts you put in advicing us. Even thou we might not agree and see eye to eye on some matters.
salaam
