I don;t get it, what's going on here? Care to explain in english, abtigiis?

LOL don't worry Bob, I'm not asking for any family members you may know who are single, but I appreciate the thought. Baashi, I know being in Calgary puts a real damper on my prospects, and I know I have to get out and make myself visible. That's why I'm going to Toronto for my next vacation insha Allah, probably in a couple of months.

I am home, safe and sound, alxamdulillah.

A kafir politician is a kafir politician, period. Look at our "Muslim" rulers, they're horrible and only looking out for themselves, why do we think USA's president is any different, or even expect him to be better?

You guys get a free week off every month from prayer, and if that time of the month happens in Ramadan, you also get a free week from fasting, but obviously you have to make that up later. Women have a lot of advantages over men, but they always think about the negatives, like how they only get one husband while the men could get 4, but really no one does that these days anyways except Saudis. You guys are telling me to look at the positives in my life rather than the negatives, yet you're not doing the same.

Actually Bob, all my old friends either think I'm an id*iot, or that I became a Muslim just for the sake of marrying her and that one day I'll eventually turn back to kufr, which I will never, ever do. Basically they're not trying to hear the haqq, and I won't waste my time with them anymore. As for the "racist" tag, don't feel that way, because I even call myself that and I would never be offended by that term. But I think I may be a racist myself, because I honestly don;t like white girls. I'm white myself, and I think a relationship with another cadaan would be boring and they just doesn't appeal to me. To everyone telling me not to limit myself to Somali girls, I appreciate the suggestion but I'd rather be single the rest of my life if I can't find a Somali woman.

I don't just like it here, I love it. But then again, I'm just on vacation, I might not love it so much if I was here for a long time, but I'd definitely take London over Calgary any day of the week.

Poor Abiib.....

I guess I just didn't want to leave.

Rudy man, you're a strange one. Val, I just left too late, and the train to Heathrow got delayed a couple of times as well, they found a "suspicious package" in terminal 4's station so they closed that off and I had to get off the train and wait for the next one going to terminal 5.

^Here I thought it was the sisters that were taking a long time. Maybe it's both..... I was thinking about something and I realize that the guys who don't want to get married are probably more likely to get more offers just because of the whole playing-hard-to-get thing, except they're not playing. I thought about trying that approach, but I honestly can't hide the fact that I'm "single and looking", besides I have the feeling no one would care if I looked like I wasn't interested.

Originally posted by Northerner: quote: I guess I should listen to the guy outside the Stratford station who was singing, "Always look, on the briiiiiiiiiiiight siiiiiiiide of life!" Indeed. Just before my arrest and de-arrest ps you will get what you're looking for IA LOL forgot all about that

Well, it looks like I'm still available for one more night. I missed my flight, so I had to book another one for tomorrow.

Well, it looks like I'm still available for one more night. I missed my flight, so I had to book another one for tomorrow.

I'm a free man. My home is where my feet are. I am a former military brat who has moved around to a few places as a child, and so I don't really feel a connection to any particular place. But I stay put for the sake of my kids.

I'm listening to all of your advice sincerely and I thank you very much for telling me your opinions on the subject, may Allah SWT reward you all for it, and forgive all of our sins and give us jannah, amiin. Some people may ask why do people equate being single with being lonely, which is a good question because it is not always the case. But while some of us may be happy now being single, I'm guessing that likely won't be the case for the rest of their lives. As for me, I am lonely, and there is a kind of love that your children, your parents, your brothers, sisters, extended family, and so on just can't give you, and that is the love you get from a spouse, someone who will live with you insha allah for the rest of your life, share your ups and downs, your feelings, basically someone who will live their life with yours as if it was one, and that's what I am missing. I have to ask though, why does everyone say I'm limiting myself because I want a Somali wife, while if some Somali guy wants a girl from a specific clan, or from a specific town, no one tells him he's limiting himself? That's because it's quite likely that he'll get what he wants eventually. Geez, I don't care what qabiil she is, what town she's from. But I do have standards, and I don't see why people think I'm setting my standards too high just because I want a woman from a specific country. P.S. You guys have known me over the years and you know I'm not always as depressed(or depressing ) as this, but this is just what I was feeling one day early in the morning, I do have confidence in myself, I do have self-esteem, but I was just thinking about what I don't have, rather than I do have. I'm only human. Thanks you guys for your advice and your genuine consideration about all this, I guess I should listen to the guy outside the Stratford station who was singing, "Always look, on the briiiiiiiiiiiight siiiiiiiide of life!"

I just wanted to clarify that I am not in looking for a wife in London, I'm only here on vacation and any established Somali woman living in London is never going to live in a wretched city like Calgary. While the SOL girls I have seen are very beautiful masha Allah, don't think that I'm trying to shukaansi you. I'm simply looking for advice and insight. To those who asked, I'm 29 and the reason why I'm looking for a Somali woman only, is because I only know Somalis. They are all I've ever known, since even before I became a Muslim. I am well-versed in Somali culture, and really nothing more. I don't know any Arabs, Pakistanis, south Asians, or any other people from other nationalities, save for one friend. My children are also half-Somali and they're going to have enough trouble growing up with a sort of identity crisis, being white in colour and Somali in culture, and I don't want to make it worse for them by having a stepmother from even another culture. Besides, when it al comes down to it, Somali women are by far some of the best-looking women in the world. This thread was inspired by my thoughts and feelings in the early morning and the only thing I could think of was that I wanted an internet conection so I could at least get it off my chest and out in the open, and I feel a little better now having done so. Thank you guys very much for your advice and constructive criticism, it's always appreciated. But the fact of the matter is tht while I may be young now, I'm not gettng any younger, and I'm tired of being alone. Patience is a virtue that I usually am good at, but I feel like my patience is wearing thin.

The only thing I hate about being on vacation is that it seems to be the only time that I refect upon my life. I woke up at 4:30 this morning in the middle of a coughing fit from a minor cold I received by walking around in the pouring rain on bank holiday Monday. I couldn't go back to sleep and I was still coughing, so I just sat up in my bed and started thinking. You people know me on this board as somewhat of a light-hearted joker who is easygoing, and this is also the case in real life, I'm not that much different from my online persona. But I am a human being, and obviously I'm not happy-go-lucky all the time, sometimes I can be serious. So when I got up this morning and I just couldn't stop thinking, I kind of took stock of my life, and sort of evaluated myself within the Somali community. I've been single for almost 2 years now, and I was thinking about what possible advantages and disadvantages I have going for myself when it comes to finding my next wife, when I thought about it, I realized that the odds are thoroughly stacked against me. Somalis always come from large families. You can find Somali people who have even more than 20 brothers and sisters, whether from the same mother, or from different mothers. They have a seemingly unlimited number of habaryars, abtis, eedos, and adeers. They can tell you the name of their brother-in-law's aunt's husband. The Somali community is by far a larger network than Facebook could ever imagine. I, on the other hand, am alone. I have no brothers or sisters, the number of cousins I have can be counted on one hand. The majority of you SOLers still live with your parents, even after you have finished school and haved started your own lives in the real world. I, on the other hand, basically cannot live with my parents because there is no Islamic presence there. When I come into town, I am the Islamic presence. Somali men usually get their marriage prospects from family members, or from families that they have known from back home. A regular Somali guy will get marriage proposals from people they barely know, and they didn't even have to lift a finger to get them. I, on the other hand, have basically had to talk to people I don't know and get to know them, and it's hard to meet women when they mostly stay in the home while the guys are the ones lining the streets and storefronts. I already know that talking to random women on the street doesn't work. Call me ****** for even trying it, but why not? I have to try any way I can. I walked up to a couple of Somali ladies on the street in Shepherd's Bush yesterday and talked to them for a second, and they walked away. Scratch that off the list. Another problem I have is the connection I have with my ex-wife. We are good friends for the sake of the kids, but she is the one who has introduced me to almost everyone I know, so that when they think of me, they automatically think of my ex-wife. One of the major reasons that I can't break away from this is due to the fact that I can't speak fluent Somali, which is a must to talk to Somali people in Alberta. The one thing I love about SOL is that you guys speak English well and I can talk to you and I finally founf friends on my own, even if you live in other countries. I am stuck in the city of Calgary. I will never leave my kids. They are the ones who will make du'a for me after I die and insha Allah they will be the ones who get me into jannah. For that reason, I can't move to the cities that have large Somali communities like London, or Toronto, and at least from what I've seen, the majority of Somalis that move to Alberta are men. I am also not very educated, and while I do have a good, kind of high-paying job, I'm still basically a labourer in a factory, not a good thing to try to raise your status(Can you imagine your wife trying to defend you by saying "Oh yeah? Well my husband makes potato chips for a living!!") I was happy to do that kind of job and live my life in my small town in Alberta, and I figured that was how I would live until I died. But Allah SWT had better plans for me. I became a Muslim, and immediately had a family. All of a sudden, I was the breadwinner and it became almost impossible from the outset to go to college and further my education. Basically even now, I don't have the time or money to go back to school, and even if I did, I don't know what course I would take. Finally, I'm not Somali. A lot of people may say that doesn't matter, we are all brothers and sisters, but I know it indeed does matter. Go and ask your parents right now if they would accept you marrying a white convert. I am guessing a majority of them would slap you upside the head and tell you about Cabdi or Xaliimo so and so from whatever town you grew up in that they're trying to hook you up with. People tell me all the time "Wow, you're more Somali than I am" and "Wow, a white convert, masha Allah! I'm gonna find you a wife", but that's all just lip service. Most women would prefer a jobless qaad-chewer to a hard-working, decent living cadaan man like myself. The exception is the very religious sisters, who like to marry converts because they tend to be very religious as well. I've been told this since the day I converted, but I've never seen it. I also occasionally hear about a Somali woman who "loves white converts" or is "crazy over white guys", but they're basically expecting the same thing, a strictly religious guy. From the outset, I have basically done what is obligatory for me and nothing more. I pray 5 times a day insha Allah, I fast in Ramadan, I quit a lot of bad things I used to do, and now smoking is the last link I basically have to my old habits. I don't wear khamiis, or wake up early to read Qur'an for example, and I wouldn't want to marry a very strict sister because I am afraid I won't live up to her expectations. Masha Allah, that's a great and beautiful thing to be very religious like that, but I have never been that way and I don't know if I ever will be. I am simply looking for an average Somali girl that is my age or less who speaks English well and has a job. She doesn't have to rake in the big bucks, she can work at McDonald's for all I care. I am not asking for much. To SOL members, I am not asking for your pity, nor am I asking for you to give me phone numbers for friends of yours that may be interested in me, I can do the wife-searching alone, like I do most things. What I am asking for is some insight into what I can do to, and to possibly answer some of my questions. I have shukaansi-ed a couple of times, but the problem there is that they have all been at least 5 years older than me. That was a roadblock in my previous marriage, my ex is 5 years older than me, and I would always hear about it, how I'm immature, I'm too young, we don't understand each other because of the age gap, I don't want to hear all that again. I can understand that I'm not much of a catch at the moment, but I can change things for the most part. I'm quite heavy, but I can exercise and lose weight. I'm not rich, but I can save money. I don't have an education, but I can go back to school if I want. But there are some things that I can't change, and I fear that those are my major shortcomings. Am I being punished for my past? Allah SWT has forgiven me for the things I used to do, why can't Somali people? Am I missing out on a lot of opportunities simply because I'm white? Which is my problem, is it the things I can change, or is it the things I can't change? Should I just shut up and deal with it? I really don't know and I need some help.

No, no, she didn't see me, what I mean is that she's the only one who said "yes" in my thread, but I don't even know her name, so I can't see her. [british accent] Ya know wot I mean?[/british accent] Dammit, my time is up in this netcafe. See y'all later.

Geez, you guys should have told me that before I came, now I'm walking the streets in Shepherd's Bush looking for xaliimos myself. Yeah, the guys have been showing me around, but it always eventually ends up with a bunch of old guys smoking shiisha in the east end That was fun for a couple of days, but I have to get out for the weekend. I told Isseh, I need to see some girls!! Poor guy was walking around with me all day yesterday, I think he's still sleeping I think Sheherazade was the only one who said yes, but I don't even know her name, so no luck there

From a man's point of view, an educated woman is intimidating, especially in my case as I'm relatively uneducated. To me, an educated woman means I'm always questioning whether she would even want to associate with a lowlife like me, when she could find another man who is smarter and has a higher education. Not to mention that if I was to marry a university-educated girl, I believe it would be almost guaranteed that the subject would arise during a fight. "You're a moron!! That's why we can't get along, because you're uneducated!!", or "I could throw you out like a piece of garbage and replace you with a better man!" I may be wrong, I may be right, but that part is irrelevant, because in my mind, I'm already right, and that self-doubt always creeps in when thinking about educated women. Essentially, I'm scared of them. I don't think I'm good enough for them. And I think that most men feel the same way. Most women may tell us that love, or religion, or looks, or whatever may be more important, and that education doesn't matter as long as we can hold down a half-decent job, the fact of the matter is, that it will matter sometime.

Ms DD, does that mean I have to wait until I'm 35 to get married again? Cuz I can't wait that long, and 35 is too old for me right now.

One thing I noticed about London SOL girls is that they had no problem saying "see you when you get here" and things like that, and now that I'm actually here, no one wants to see me! Hardly anyone even called, except a couple of them. I don't bite, you know.

Originally posted by Northerner: I won't be returning to Polska, sorry Britain any time soon if I can help it. I may very well entertain the thought of applying for my Polish, sorry British, citizenship after spending some time, I really like it here. It's just too bad my time is running out.

Ibtisam, of course I'm here for the girls, I'm here for everyone. Besides, I can't just smoke shiisha all week, can I? I'm gonna make my way to the west end today, even if have to go by myself.